When I Go, Bring Me Back Again

I sat there the rest of class completely lost. I had two weeks, fourteen short days to fix three years. That was what, over one thousand days? I kept looking over at him throughout class. Expecting him to be gone with each glance that I took, but he was still there leaning forward against his desk with his pencil, drawing in his sketchbook. I think the only way I could possibly get to him without it coming off as a joke was through Mikey. If I told him what my intentions were, and if he believed me then he could back me up and Gerard will have no choice but to believe him. He had to believe him, and I needed Mikey to believe in me.

When class was over I bolted, I had to find Mikey before he went to his next class. I took the stairs by two and swerved between people till I reached it and leaned against the painted metal.
“Um, hello then?” I looked over at Mikey who was walking my way.
“I need to talk to you,” I didn’t realize I was out of breath until now, damn me and smoking.
“Ok, can I get to my locker though?” I nodded pushing off of it.
“So, what do you need to talk to me about?” he opened it up and put away his things.
“Look, I don’t know if you’re going to believe me on this. Trust me I don’t expect you to.” I started.
“Well, unless you’re going to tell me you’re pregnant I don’t see why I wouldn’t believe you.” he laughed.
“I want to make it up to your brother. I’ve treated him like shit and I guess you could say I had an epiphany and now I want to fix what I’ve done. Or well try to at least.” he shut his locker and turned around looking at me.
“Seriously?” I nodded.
“Ok, but why are you telling me though?” I stuffed my hands in my pockets.
“You know, I don’t want him to think that it’s some stupid joke. I thought if you knew and believed me then he wouldn’t think of it as such.” I stated looking up at him. He looked at me for a few moments.
“So you’re not going to pick on him?”
“Nope.”
“And you’re going to try and fix things, um how exactly? I’m his younger brother and I can barely get him to even talk to me let alone help.” he crossed his things across his chest.
“I don’t know. But I’m going to try and make these next two weeks the best he’s had since I came to this school. Starting today as a matter of fact.” he eyed me again and nodded.
“Ok, I trust you. But I’m serious, I might be nice, but if you screw my brother over I will make you regret it. Do you understand?” he pointed his finger at me, his voice seemed to get lower with every word. To be honest, it scared the crap out of me. I leaned back the closer his finger came to me.
“Ok,” I mumbled, standing up straight he smiled.
“Thanks Frank, I hope you can get through to him.” he continued to grin and walked off. I wanted to jump up and down doing a little happy dance but I figured that would look way too weird. I raced to my next class, unable to wait for lunch. I was going to sit with Gerard today, outside wherever he was, whether he liked it or not. If there was one last thing I could do with my life, it would be to save his.

The bell rang and I took my time leaving class, I had a little pep to my step which I pinned off on the fact that I was excited to talk with him. I didn’t really know a bunch about him, when he was alive. Thinking that seemed really weird, when he was alive, because he was alive now. Well, before the incident I knew practically nothing about him. Yet I would make fun of him for nothing. It wasn’t until after wards when I would try and help Mikey cope that I learned more about him, that’s where the guilt was created. He was just an everyday kid, just like me, maybe he had his differences but I did to.

I walked through the lunchroom and out the double doors, the sunlight struck me in the eyes making me wince. I stopped and scanned the school yard, my eyes bouncing off of everyone looking for him. I grinned seeing him sat under the oak tree and walked his way. The closer I got, my nerves grew more and more in the pit of my stomach. What if he completely blew me off? What if he ignored me or walked away? What if he went off on me? I reached the tree and plopped down a good two feet away looking at his sketchbook. He felt my presence because his pencil stopped moving and looked over at me.
“Can I help you Frank?”
“Just wanted to say hi.” his eyebrows raised in confusion.
“Why do I not believe that?” I shrugged.
“I can see why I guess, but it’s true. So hi.” I did a small wave. He looked at me for a few moments and then went back to drawing.
“Yeah, hi Frank.” I scoffed crossing my arms, if it was one thing I hated, it was being ignored. He looked back up from his art.
“Ok, so I don’t know why you’re saying hi or being nice because in all honesty it’s not you. So I’m sorry if I’m not being nice in return, I have no reason to.”
“You’re right.” I stated clapping my hands together and placed them in my lap.
“What?” that confused the crap out of him.
“I’ve been a royal dick to you since my first day here, and I’m sorry. Whether you believe that is up to you, but I’ve had a sort of revelation and I want to fix what I’ve done. Which again, is completely up to you in whether you believe me. I know it’s true, but I know that I’ve done a lot shit to you, so I can’t force you to believe me.” I explained looking him dead in the eyes. His squinted, staring back into mine like he was trying to find the lies but he found none.
“Fix things? What do you mean fix things?” I grinned.
“I am going to make the next two weeks the best weeks you’ve had since I showed up in this God forsaken place,” I stated looking at the school.
“I find that hard to believe.” he stated going back to his work.
“Why do you find that hard to believe? Is it because you’re depressed? And don’t say you’re not, I know you are, it’s not that hard to tell.” I scooted closer to him.
“You’ve been talking to Mikey haven’t you?”
“I talk to Mikey all the time, he’s my best friend. Though he won’t tell me anything personal when it deals with you. Trust me a week ago I would have loved to have known anything so I could use it against you, but I’m a changed person now and I refuse to pick on you anymore. Even if it meant I would get my nuts cut off, have them roasted over an open fire and be forced to eat them.”
“You are a bit disturbed, did you know that?” he looked at me incredulously.
“So I’ve been told, but it doesn’t matter. I think it’s perfectly healthy for everyone to be a little bit off.”
“Some more than others,” he mumbled turning his sketchbook.
“Very true. What are you working on?” I leaned forward looking at it.
“Wow,” I breathed looking at the landscape of the school yard. It looked like he had been working on it a lot longer than just today.
“How long have you been working on this?” I looked at him.
“Since yesterday. It’s nothing special.” he shrugged. I scoffed pulling it out of his hands, even when he made a sound of protest.
“Nothing special? Are you blind? It’s amazing,” my eyes were flicking back and forth between his drawing and the scene in front of me. When I finally gave it back, I caught his eyes and stopped. They were so rich, yet so broken. Warm hazel swirled in covered up pain.
“You have pretty eyes,” I mumbled, feeling the heat raise in my face.
“Uh, thanks,” he looked away, a bit of red spread across his face making me giggle. His head snapped looking at me.
“What?”
“Ok, no straight man giggles like that. It screamed gay.” he stated.
“Don’t make fun of my laugh, I can’t help it.”

You mean you can’t help the fact that you’re gay or you think he’s cute?

Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit. Not this again.

Don’t think that just because you went back in time meant I would disappear Frankie. I’m part of your dumb ass.

It doesn’t matter anyways, because I’m not gay.

You’re lying to yourself. Ever heard of denial? That’s why you took it so hard. You fell in love with a dead guy.

I did not fall in love with a dead guy!

You’re right, because he’s alive right now.

This is ridiculous, I’m not going to argue with myself so go away.

Dumb ass, let me know when you decide to admit that you’re gay.

“Are you ok?” I looked up at him and realized I was still leaning dangerously close to him.
“Shit, sorry. I was off in my head thinking. My bad,” I blushed sliding away and pressed my back against the bark of the tree.
“It’s okay,” he went back to what he was doing once again. I groaned inwardly and covered my face. I’m pretty sure I was going to lose my sanity doing this, but for some reason I found it completely worth it.
“Frank?” I looked over at him.
“Yeah?”
“Why are you actually being nice to me? I mean, just yesterday you were being an ass towards me, but today... you’re acting really weird.” his hand ran through his long hair pushing it from his view.
“Um,” I didn’t know what to tell him. He obviously didn’t believe the revelation part, and I didn’t entirely blame him. I pondered for a few moments, the letter said that I couldn’t tell him what had happened. It didn’t say anything about me changing it around.
“I uh, I had a dream last night, about you.” I looked up at him.
“And that caused you to suddenly be nice to me?”
“Well, it’s more like what happened in the dream and what it caused me to think about.”
“I’m listening I guess?” he closed it up and turned facing me.
“Do you want short and sweet to the point or a summary of it?”
“I’ve got time to kill, whatever you want to do.” I paused for a moment, praying to God I wasn’t about to ruin things.
“Well, in my dream you kind of... killed yourself.” his eyes widened and I’m almost certain I heard his breathing stop for just a moment.
“I k-killed myself in it?” I nodded.
“I just... I felt guilty about it. Your Parents were pretty much a wreck and they were too busy consoling each other that they didn’t notice your brother was falling apart, so I was the one who helped him. He told me stories about you, from when you were younger and even when you were older. He was a mess, he was a shell and I felt responsible for it because I thought I pushed you to it. But the more he told me about you, the more I wished I could change what I had done. I started wanting you around so I could get to know you, but you weren’t there anymore. So I woke up and thought about it and realized how wrong I’ve been, how I shouldn’t treat someone the way I’ve treated you. I know it’s probably crazy and out of nowhere, I know you probably think that this could be some joke but it’s not. I swear to you that I’m not, I’m serious Gerard, I just want a chance to try and fix the wrong I’ve caused you. I don’t think I could handle it if I woke up one day and found out you had done that. I want you to know how sorry I am.” I explained looking right at him the entire time. He watched me for the longest time, and I realized that he and Mikey were notorious for doing that. It had to of been a Way thing. I sat there waiting for him to say something, anything, but he didn’t. Instead he grabbed his things and walked away. I sighed pulling my knee’s to my chest and rested my forehead on them. I guess it’s what I deserved, but what do I do now?