When I Go, Bring Me Back Again

I rolled over on my bed; the grin on my face was evident when I thought about that past night. How happy he looked, I couldn’t describe how good it made me feel to see him grin. But I knew that on the inside there was still a black hole that I had stretched to the point where he couldn’t handle it anymore. I was determined though, I was going to go to the end and I wasn’t going to let anything stop me.

So I couldn’t help but walk through the school halls with a bit more pep to my step. I decided it would be the perfect opportunity to get to class early and hopefully catch him. I strolled past Mikey and grinned in his direction causing him to grab me by my shoulder and give me a worried look.
“Frank, you’re smiling. You do realize that... right?” I frowned, my shoulders slumped.
“Why? Am I not allowed?” he let go of my shoulder and shrugged.
“No I don’t mean it like that, it’s just you know... not you?”
“Well I’m in a good mood, and I’m hoping to catch your brother before the bell so goodbye.”
“Hey wait, one more thing,” I took a few steps back and turned to look at him.
“Thanks for last night, well not for me, thanks for that too. But I just can’t remember the last time I saw my brother smile, it wasn’t forced. I really hope you can get through to him.”
“Me too Mikey, so I’ll see you later then?”
“You bet, see yea.” he waved walking off. I turned back around and headed to class.

You’re practically skipping you idiot.

So?

So? It makes you look gay.

Don’t tell me you’re homophobic.

If I was homophobic, you would be too dumb ass. I’m you remember?

Oh. You have a point, yet I still find you completely useless. All you ever do is make fun of me. So if you’re me then why are you making fun of me? Technically you’re making fun of yourself

You’re the dumb ass who is holding a conversation with himself in his own head. Ever heard of therapy?

Therapy, the word struck me as I walked into class. I remembered how Gerard seemed to be touchy about that topic; I would have to ask Mikey about it later on. I spotted Gerard at his usual seat, clad in all black like normal. I headed back and sat down in my desk next to him and turned to look at what he was drawing. After a while I guess he sensed me watching him and glanced over before looking back at his work.
“Frank.”
“Hello.” he stopped and looked over at me, slightly confused.
“What are you doing?”
“Saying hello. Do you find that offensive? Because if you do then tell me and I’ll stop.” he closed his sketchbook and turned in his chair to face me.
“No... I don’t... but you’re talking to me. Why?” he shoved his hair behind his ear.
“Because I told you I was going to be friendly. Do you not want me to talk to you? If so then once again, just tell me.” he looked at me for a few moments, studying me.
“I just thought.... look if this going to turn into some stupid joke then please just go back to being a jerk. Don’t string me along into thinking you actually care, because you would probably enjoy how it ends.” he stated. I frowned catching the hint, if only he knew how badly it destroyed me the first time.
“I’m not doing this as some cruel joke Gerard, I promise you. I know that promise isn’t worth shit right now, but it’s true.” he nodded and turned back in his chair and opened his sketchbook back up.
“So... did you enjoy the show last night?” the muscles in his cheeks twitched and I noticed the faintest smile before it disappeared. He never answered and I sighed leaning on my desk watching him.
“What the hell are you doing Iero? What you a fag now with Way?” I looked over at Thomas, one of the football players.
“Shut your fucking trap you dumb ass, you don’t know shit.” I stated, he went to say something else but the bell rang shutting him up. I sighed looking back at Gerard, I liked watching him work. The way he looked when his eyes scanned quickly over what he was doing. How he would bite the right side of his bottom lip.

Dear God please spare me from having to listen to this.

Seriously, do you just enjoy fucking with me? I never said you had to listen. Just go away.

Maybe I should go see a therapist, find out ways to block annoying voices in your head. On second thought, no, because that would take time away from Gerard.

When class was over, I stayed behind waiting for Gerard who seemed to still not trust me. I expected it, but I just hoped he would be able to trust me soon.
“So, what class do you have next?” I asked trying to strike up conversation.
“Um American Government, you?”
“Math’s,” I frowned looking up at him.
“I take it Math isn’t your best subject?”
“No actually, I have a 42% in there right now,” his eyes widened as he looked at me.
“How could you have that low of a grade in math class?” he truly seemed shocked, ha, if only he saw my test papers. I think the teacher wrote more on it than I did.
“Simple, it’s called I fail with numbers. I take it you’re good at it?” he nodded.
"Do you think you could help me with it?” hoping he would say yes, I wouldn’t mind spending more time with him.
“Uh... yeah, ok.” he replied making me grin like a mad man.
“Awesome, I’ll see you after school. But I have to go, my lockers on the other side of the school. Bye Gerard!” I stated and sprinted off in the direction to my locker, hoping I wouldn’t be late for class. A detention would really put a damper on my mood.