When I Go, Bring Me Back Again

I walked into class the next day with mixed feelings. On one side of things I was going to see Gerard, who I had just recently left a note for in his locker. On the other side of things I was curious about what he would have to say about my little speech before leaving yesterday. But I wasn’t expecting him to not be there. I stood frozen in my spot, staring at the empty chair. Of course, none of it was real. I had in fact gone crazy with guilt and I was going to be locked up for the rest of my life. My chest tightened and I gripped my notebook tightly, the cardboard bent and began to weaken under the hold of my sweating hands. None of it was real.
“Frank,” a soft voice caught my attention and I swirled around to see those hazel eyes.
“You weren’t at your desk. I-I thought that...” he shook his head.
“I uh went to your locker, hoping to catch you before you came to class. I guess I was too late for that. Um, are we going to continue to stand here by chance?” I shut my mouth, so maybe I wasn’t crazy after all.
“No,” I blurted and turned heading towards my desk. He followed silently behind me, and while I plopped down into the metal chair, he slid into his swiftly before turning towards me.
“Are you okay? You kinda look like you just got the shit scared out of you.”
“You could say that. Um, so why did you want to catch me at my locker?” I cleared my throat and turned to face him.
“Um... I spent all night thinking about what you said. And as much as I hate to admit it, you’re right. I don’t really open up to people, so normally they leave me alone and don’t ask a lot of questions. Well, except for Mikey, but sometimes I think it’s better if he doesn’t know about the thoughts that run through my head. Which is why I think I’m having a hard time you know, believing you because I don’t understand how you know so much when Mikey knows so little. But I don’t care, maybe that’s stupid, but then again I still don’t care. So in a weird way I guess what I’m trying to say is that... I trust you Frank.” his hands fidgeted as he stared down at them. I couldn’t stop the grin that spread across my face, and how I leapt from my chair and attacked him with a hug.
“Um, ok?” he laughed nervously.
“Thank you Gee.” I buried my nose into his shoulder.
“Gee?”
“Is it okay if I call you that?” I pulled away from him. A small smile graced his pale face and he nodded.
“Good, because I was going to call you that even if you didn’t like it.” his smile spread even further as I sat back down in my seat just as the bell rang.

We passed notes the entire class period; to say we were sly about it would be a lie. Poor Mrs. Cox was sadly let down to find that the note had no apparent ‘juicy stuff’ that she could use against us. The entire thing only made us laugh really, and it wasn’t long after that we started it back up again. When the end of class came around we parted our ways, with me telling him I would see him at lunch and I was off to Mikey’s locker. He was standing there staring at something, obviously not all there in the head. So I used to opportunity to slam the locker shut and shout his name as loud as I could. He jumped, well it looked more like he had a seizure and threw his things to the floor. Once he realized what had happened he glared at me as he bent over to pick up his things.
“Was that really necessary?”
“Quite necessary actually. You looked touched in the head just standing there with a dumbfounded look on your face.” I laughed leaning against the cold metal. He huffed pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose and crossed his arms pressing his things to his chest.
“You look like a girl standing like that, you realize that right?” I continued to laugh, he rolled his eyes letting his arms to fall to his sides.
“I take it there’s a reason why you’re over here?”
“I left Gerard another note.”
“You didn’t tell him you love him again did you?” I shook my head pushing off of the locker.
“He trusts me Mikey.”
“Isn’t that what you wanted?” I nodded.
“Then why do you sound so depressed about it?” I shrugged letting my eyes land on the floor.
“I guess.... now that I have it, I’m worried something stupid will happen and I’ll lose it. Then... shit will go down Mikey and I’m scared of it happening.” I reasoned looking back up at him, he nodded and motioned for me to walk with him.
“Look I trust you ok? And if you really do mean what you say about him, then you shouldn’t have to worry. Because if you honestly love him... whether that be in a friendly way or in a ... romantic way,” his eyebrows scrunched up as he finished it, but he shook his head and continued, “then don’t worry. Ok?” I nodded and stood there as he walked into class. That look on his face had me worried because it left me wondering if he had problems with me liking his brother in that way. But it didn’t matter if he did, it didn’t matter what anyone felt, so long as Gerard was the one happy and alive in the end.

I opened up the backdoor, the sunlight blinding me as I stepped out onto the pavement of the backyard. I shielded my eyes, scanning the schoolyard for the tree that he always sat at. It was hard seeing as everyone took liberty to coming out for lunch today, but it wasn’t impossible. He was sitting by himself drawing when I made it up to him; I plopped down causing a loud thud and then groaned making him laugh softly.
“Oh shut it, my ass hurts now.” I whined rubbing my lower back, you would think with how many times I fall on it, that the pain would tolerable by now.
“Well that’s what you get for falling on it.” he stated casually while his hand worked upon the sketchbook resting on his knee.
“Jerk, so...what are you working on today hm?” I leaned against his shoulder causing his hand to stop and his body to tense up.
“Um n-nothing really. Just random things.” my eyes landed on the figure on the paper.
“Oh! You like comics too?!” he nodded shyly before closing it.
“Hey... what’s wrong?” he shook his head.
“Nothing, I’m just still used to being by myself. It’s weird, that’s all.” I nodded leaning back against the tree.
“How has your day been?”
“Quiet and boring, yours?” he replied softly resting his wrists on his knees.
“Slow, this is pretty much the highlight of my day now. I don’t really talk to people anymore in school. Just a select few.” he looked over at me with a confused expression.
“But what about your friends?”
“Um be specific, if you mean those assholes I used to hang out with then no, I’m not friends with them anymore. Now if you mean friends by you and Mikey well I’m hanging out with one of them right now.” a small smile passed his lips and he looked away.
“I got another note today.”
“Really? What did it say this time? It wasn’t something poetic and cheesy was it? If so I’m tracking this guy down and I’m performing a civil arrest on being lame.” his smile spread and he shook his head.
“Well let me see it then.” he reached into his pocket pulling the white paper out and handed it to me. I unfolded it and looked down at my writing and smiled.
“So he likes your drawings? He must be in your art class?” he shook his head and laughed.
“Trust me... it’s none of them.”
“Well then it has to be Mikey. Oh my God I always knew there was something wrong with him, it’s why he likes the idea that your bedroom is in the basement. That way he could lock you up down there, have his way with you and you could never escape. Gerard we need to tell someone about this, your brother could be a pedophile. You would be defenseless with no way to protect yourself.”
“Hey, I could take him.” he defended with the smile still on his face.
“Really now, you could take him?” I laughed showing that my head was in the gutter, he paused for a moment before hitting me softly on the shoulder.
“You’re a damn pervert you know that right?” I shrugged.
“Eh and you’re not?”
“I never said that.”
“Clearly. Of course you’re a pervert; you let your own little brother dominate you. Quick question, are you a whips and chains type of guy? If so I know someone who could get you some fun little toys.” I laughed, his face went bright red and I laughed harder earning a jab to the ribs.
“Oh my god, you do don’t you?!” I gasped.
“No!” his eyes went wide.
“Then why are you blushing so badly?”
“Well the fact that you would take the time to imagine that my brother is a dominatrix and wonder if I like things like that... it’s enough to embarrass anyone.”
“You have a point I suppose. But still, it is quite funny because I would never expect that from your brother. That’s his new nickname now by the way,” I breathed.
“What is?”
“Whips and chains,” he laughed shaking his head.
“You’re weird.” he sighed looking up at the tree before sighing again.
“You ok?” I handed him back the letter, he looked at it a few moments before folding it back up.
“Maybe you should write back.”
“How? It’s not like they get into my locker and I don’t know who they are. Besides whoever the idiot is would probably only spread it around the school.” he sighed. I scooted over to him and held out my hand.
“What?” he looked at it.
“If you win then fine, think whatever you want. But if I win, then you have to go along with whoever the hell this person is. Deal?”
“Win what?”
“Thumb wars.” he laughed.
“Frank we’re not little kids.”
“And that’s going to stop you? Come on, besides it’s better than rock, paper, scissors.” I pressed until he put his hand up. I grabbed his and sat up on my side to face him.
“Ready?” he nodded.
“Ok... 1, 2... 3!” it was safe to say that he sucked because I won almost immediately. I grinned leaning against him, savoring the fact that I was holding his hand and sighed.
“You sir just got your ass kicked, by a fun sized skittle whore.” an intoxicating smile spread across his face and we sat there the rest of lunch, just talking, and still holding hands.