Have We Gone Too Far?

I walked out of Cole’s house and headed towards Liza’s. I have no idea why but I found it easier to take my mind off things around her. One of the reasons is to do with her always going on about her own problems so much that I ignore mine and another reason is I’m starting to need her as much as she needs me. I know how weird that must sound but I do care about her and we both care about the other.

It was a pretty long walk but I needed to be alone with my thoughts for a while. Right now I’m not thinking about him I’m concentrating more on what would’ve happened if I didn’t call Cole. Would I still be there now? Would Mr. Markham have found me there?

It’s scary to even think about to be honest. Imagine him finding me. His reaction. How quickly it would’ve spread all over the school. That would seriously finish me. I’d never go in again.

I took a deep breath as I knocked on her front door. It didn’t take long for her to answer, greeting me with a beaming smile.

“Hi Zack!” she said cheerfully.

“Hey,” I sighed.

“Are you alright?” she asked me.

“Look, this might sound rude but, could I please stay here tonight? It’s just I really don’t want to go home,” I explained quickly, not wanting to beat around the bush..

“Okay,” she said sounding quite confused. “I’ll ask my mum, but if she says yes there’s no chance you’ll be allowed to stay in my room so you’ll have to go with my cousin.”

“Thanks Liza and I don’t mind,” I grinned.

I knew there’s always somewhere for me when it comes to Liza. Her parents on the other hand, I'm not as sure about. Last time I saw them they weren’t too happy and they come across as strict and you know, a little anti boys when it comes to their daughter.

“Come in,” she said, closing the door behind me. “Mum!” she shouted. “Mother!”

I laughed at her as she tried to get her mum’s attention.

“I'm sorry about this,” she sighed. “Mummy!”

“Are you sure she’s in?” I asked her.

“Yes!”

I saw a woman coming down the stairs and I suddenly felt really nervous. The last time I saw a lady as angry as this it was my mum, and I ended up getting pretty badly hurt. Calm down Zack! She won’t touch you.

“What?” she shouted.

“Can Zacky stop the night?” she asked making her mother’s eyes turn to me, making me feel really uncomfortable.

“He’s a boy,” her mum muttered.

“I know but he can use Zander’s room. Please mummy!” Liza begged.

“Is he your boyfriend?” she asked.

“No,” I muttered before Liza could answer. “We’re just mates.”

She looked at me again and then back to Liza.

“And why can’t he stay at his own house?”

Liza looked at me but I didn’t really want to give her a reason, but I knew a lie wouldn't be convincing enough so I had to tell them. It’s the only way I can get away from them.

“I'm scared they’ll hurt me,” I whispered regretting telling them that straight away.

“What?” Liza gasped.

I looked at her and nodded a little as a single tear fell down my cheek. The only good thing about that is that it’ll soften up Mrs. Puckett a little.

“Just for tonight Zack,” her mum whispered kindly.

“Thank you,” I sniffed.

Liza then took me up to her room, obviously wanting some sort of an explanation from me. Maybe she is someone I can trust. I know I’ve never thought about her like that but she clearly does care about me.

“Why would they hurt you?” she asked softly, wrapping her arm around my shoulder.

“It’s complicated,” I sighed, not wanting to go into detail of what’s going on and how it all started.

“I’m good at understanding things,” she smiled. “Especially things like this. My cousin’s parents used to do the same to him, that’s why he’s here now.”

“Oh,” I sighed.

Maybe I should talk to her then. She could help and tell me what he did. Did he tell anyone? Were the police involved? Maybe she can be more helpful than I thought.

“If I tell you this you can’t tell anyone else, okay?” I told her.

“Whatever you want Zack.”

I sighed as I told her everything. About the random beatings and even about what happened today when my dad got someone to rape me. I made sure she knew that I wasn't actually raped and I didn’t mention who did it to me. I was so scared when it all happened and looking back I have no idea why he didn’t actually rape me. He had the opportunity, didn’t he?

“Zack,” she cooed, holding me tighter. “Does anyone else know about this?”

My head shook. I wasn't going to mention that Cole, Mr. Sanders, knew about it because she’d want to know why I told him.

“Not even Beth?” she gasped.

“Why’d I tell Beth?” I asked her, curious about why she thought I would.

“Well, she must like you a lot and it’s obvious how much she cares about you-”

“That’s one of the reasons I can’t tell her; she’ll worry too much about me and I don’t want her getting in a state or anything.”

She nodded like she understood why I haven’t been telling people now.

“So why did you tell me?”

“I don’t know,” I admitted. “I just did, I guess.”

“I'm glad you did Zack,” she smiled as she pulled me into another hug. “You had to tell someone and I'm so happy that you chose me.”

I nodded at her and smiled. She likes me way too much. Is it healthy to crush on someone like this? I have no idea.

“Do you want to play a game or something?” she asked me to change the subject.

“Sure,” I mumbled.

She stood up and starting looking around her room for something. I’m not too sure what though.

The room was really tidy and the walls were painted pink with black stripes down it. Her room was actually quite nice; big, a great view from the window; perfect compared to mine. She didn’t have posters on her walls but she had a lot of pictures of her with friends, which must be hard for her to look at now seeing as she has none left.

“How about truth or dare?” she asked me softly.

“I'm not sure really,” I told her. “It doesn’t really work with two people does it?”

“I could ask my cousin to play if you want.”

I nodded lightly at her. “Three isn't really enough either.”

“Well I'm not asking my mum and dad to play!” she laughed. “Three will have to do.”

I chuckled at her as we walked out of the bedroom and sat down in the garden at the back behind a shady tree. It was extremely private out here due to the high fences and large trees for canopy cover. The garden was huge. There was so much space that it was hard to believe. It seemed even bigger than it was the last time I was here for that party she had.

“Wait here, I’ll go get Zan,” she told me.

Zan? What kind of name is that? Ha, I think I'm going to keep that question to myself when he gets here; I don’t want to come across as mean. I hate it when I give people a bad first impression but there are some times when I just can’t help it.

I wonder what’s taking her so long. It doesn’t take ten minutes to get someone out of a house. Then again, it’s a pretty big house. What is she got lost in her own home? That’d make me laugh.

When she came back she was with a boy who I immediately recognized. It was the new boy; Zander. God I knew that name was familiar. Wait! It can’t be him. Not after what I did earlier. What if he’s told her?

As soon as he saw me he stopped and tensed up a little.

“What’s up Zan?” Liza asked him.

“Nothing,” he whispered locking his eyes with mine.

“I'm sorry,” I mouthed to him making him nod at me but he didn’t look like I’d been forgiven.

He took a seat down beside Liza and all he would do was stare at me. He was making me feel so bad. I didn’t mean to hurt him and I regret it even more now that I know that he’s been through the same things that I have.

“So, who wants to start?” Liza asked.

“I'm not bothered,” I mumbled.

“Fine, truth or dare Zack?” she asked me.

I'm not entirely comfortable with telling people the truth so I decided it’d be best to go with dare. But then again, Liza has a crush on me so she might dare me to do something I don’t exactly want to do. So in the end I went with truth.

“Okay then,” she said. “But if you don’t tell us you have to do a forfeit.”

Whatever,” I mumbled secretly feeling quite nervous.

“Who do you fancy?” she asked.

I nearly laughed because I knew she wanted me to say her, but then I realized that it was Cole. I fancy Cole. I can’t tell her that! Maybe if I just say the name she won’t ask anymore about it.

Wait! Cole’s a guy’s name and she doesn’t know I'm gay. What if she tells someone? Right, I can’t tell her the truth. Think of a random girl’s name. The first person that came to mind was Beth. Should I say that? Or should I tell the truth? Think Zack!

“It’s not exactly a hard question!” she laughed.

“Cole,” I told her, knowing that I’d regret it.

I suddenly remembered that Zander was here too. What if he says something?

“Who’s Cole?” she asked me.

“Just a guy I hang out with a lot,” I said awkwardly.

“Guy?” she asked raising her eyebrows.

I nodded going red in the face. I hate feeling embarrassed, especially over things like this that I shouldn’t get embarrassed about.

“I'm gay,” I whispered.

God I just told two more people! I don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad one.

“Please keep it between us,” I whispered.

“Of course,” Liza smiled.

I looked over at Zander and he nodded his head at me. I mouthed thanks to him. I have no idea why I was so mean to this kid, I feel awful about it now. He’s just a shy guy who’s been through a hell of a lot in his life. He didn't deserve how I treated him.

“Zander; truth or dare?” I asked him.

He didn’t seem like the daring kind of person, especially not with me here, he must feel so awkward now. So I wasn't surprised when he said truth.

“Do you hate me?” I asked him.

Liza gave me an odd look because she obviously doesn’t know the reasons behind my question. I wouldn't like it if he hated me but it’s not something I can do anything about really, is it? It’d be my fault anyways.

He shook his head at me.

“I don’t hate you,” he whispered.

“You probably should after what I did.”

“That sort of thing happens a lot,” he sighed. “At least you said sorry.”

I smiled at him. I suppose apologizing is a start but I’d love to make it up to him properly. To make him forget about what I did to him.