I Kept Pulling My Heart Back Together for You, but Now You're Finally Picking Up the Pieces

Never had I thought I would be in this sort of situation

As I lightly traced my fingers on Danny's jaw, I thought about all I had done to get to this moment right now. In all honesty, I wasn't sure if this was a good thing or not. I mean, sure, I really wish things between Danny and I could work out. He sure seemed to hope that too. But Danny had broken my heart too much for me to really forgive him. If we ever had a relationship of any kind other than friends, it wouldn't feel right. I wouldn't feel right, I'd always have a guilty feeling in my chest. Because I now knew, I wasn't in love with Danny anymore.

His lids fluttered open after awhile and I knew what was coming - I dreaded it. Danny smiled at me, off blue eyes twinkling as he remembered why he was here.

"Good morning," he murmured, brushing my hair from my forehead.

I forced a smile. "Morning."

It was silent for a long time, before Danny rolled onto his back and stretched. "I'll make breakfast," he declared. That's when the guilt set in.

"You don't have to do that," I called after him, getting up to follow. I flinched at the pain that seared through my back, but ignored it. Pulling on pants, I walked to the kitchen to see him already frying up eggs and bacon. The toaster was full and set on the number 4.

I sighed and took out the stuff for coffee, making a batch in ten minutes. Pouring some in two mugs, I set them on the little round table in the kitchenette and sat down, sipping at mine. I liked mine plain.

Danny set a plate in front of me and sat down as well, digging into his food. I played with mine, not really hungry. I had to tell him how I felt. I just didn't want to be the one breaking the hearts. I didn't want that kind of dirt on my hands.

"So, I was thinking," Danny began and I flinched. "We could spend the day togeth -"

"Danny... um,....," I sighed, meeting his confused eyes. "Danny, I can't do this to you. Last night.... it was wonderful. It really was. I thought it was the right thing to do, but I realize now that I made a mistake.... I was drunk, Danny. I couldn't fucking see anything unless I really focused on it. I thought having sex with you would sort everything out and it did. But not the way I hoped."

He swallowed, the pain in his eyes already blooming. I stood up, running a hand through my hair.

"I-I'm-I'm not in love with you, anymore, Danny. My heart's been played with too much. Last night you finally picked up the pieces and I thank you for doing that. But now I realize I have to move on and so do you."

"Annie, you know I can't do that."

"Yes, you can. If I can do it, so can you."

"You don't understand, Annie. I'm gay. I can't just - you can't just -"

I started laughing ridiculously. " You think because you're gay that we're supposed to be together? That the first person you sleep with is your soul mate? I don't think so.."

"You're not being fair, Annie. I just accepted my sexuality years after I figured it out. I finally accepted I was in love with my best friend and your leaving me?"

"Fair? You wanna talk fair? How about me knowing I was in love with you for years and you pushing me away constantly? How about your relationships with girls who were constant bitches to me for being gay? That's unfair! You constantly broke my heart over and over again! I can't fucking take it anymore!"

His eyes narrowed, but I knew he knew it was true. "You selfish, fucking cunt."

That hurt and it hit right below the belt. But I toughed it up and hurt him right back. "Oh, really? And what does that make you?"

His hand came forward and made contact right on my cheek. My head snapped to the side, but I didn't react. I didn't slap him back or yell at him. I just broke down into sobs right there and then. For a moment he did nothing and then he was sobbing too.

We hugged each other as we cried and, even though it was a little bizarre, it felt amazing. I knew he would move on eventually and I know he knew that now too. So, we stopped our arguing and held on to each other for as long as we could.

"I'm sorry," I croaked as soon as I was able to. "I'm so sorry."

"I'm sorry, too," Danny spoke, his voice thick with tears and raspy from crying so hard.

I pulled away from him, still holding on, but at arms length. "Still friends?"

"Best."

I smiled and pulled him into another, hard hug. He squeezed back with the same amount of strength, burring his face into my neck. I bit my lip, then pulled away, completely this time.

He left after that and I sat on the couch, a glass of Vodka in my hand. After a minute of just sitting there I called Aby. We talked for over an hour about what had happened and afterwords I was full of hope.

Getting dressed after a shower, I went out to get some coffee from the nearby Starbucks. Ordering my Mocha and a cinnamon scone, I sat at a table in the corner, simply people watching. When suddenly a stranger sat across from me.

I looked up, taking out my ear buds and furrowing my brows at the guy. He had dark, spiky hair and soft brown eyes. He was really cute.

"Uh, hi....," I said awkwardly, looking around the shop. Wondering if he possibly had mistaken me for someone else.

"Hi. I saw you over here all alone and thought, what the hey, you look like you could use some company."

I smiled at his generosity and gave a simply nod. "Name's Annie."

He didn't laugh or anything, he just nodded. "Ashley."