Slowly Dying Alone

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***

.....Kylie sat on her isolation bed and sighed. She knew that this was going to be hard, but she didn’t know that they wouldn’t even let her keep her phone. The only way to contact Nick was through the hospital phone, and so Kylie wasn’t able to talk to Nick…as often as she liked.

.....Tomorrow Kylie was going to be having the marrow transplant and she honestly couldn’t wait until she got to see Nick again. She couldn’t wait to be able to spend the rest of his tour with Nick. Kylie leaned back into her pillow and slowly closed her eyes.

.....Lexi Faye, her mind whispered causing her to sit up with shock. Kylie gasped and looked around. She hadn't had that dream in months…she didn’t understand why it was coming back to her now…of all times. Maybe her mind was just bored…just like the rest of her was.

.....Kylie leaned back and tried to rest some.

***

.....Kylie watched as a similar looking version of herself stood in front of a large mirror. Kylie moved over a little and gasped. She was round…very round…like pregnant round! Kylie heard a door open and looked over. She smiled as Nick walked in, and walked to the…other her. Kylie watched as Nick wrapped his arms around her belly. Kylie was confused. She wasn’t going to have kids…the Chemo…suddenly Kylie’s vision shifted and she was once again standing in a little girl’s room.

.....“You’re my mommy,” the girl said looking up at Kylie. Kylie looked down at the little girl and frowned.

.....“But I don’t have any children,” Kylie replied.

.....“Not yet…silly…” the little girl laughed. “But soon, you and daddy will have me,” she said as she swished her dress around.

.....“But…I can’t have children…I’m dying,” Kylie whispered. The little girl smiled.

.....“Not yet mommy…you have to have me and Kyle first,” she said firmly.

.....“What’s your name?” Kylie asked. The little girl smiled.

.....“Alexi Faye Jonas,” she said. She then walked to the corner of the room and beckoned Kylie over. “This is Kyle Nicholas Jonas,” she said pointing to the baby. Kylie looked at the sweet baby boy. He was so little. “He’s my brother…you saved him,” she then whispered. Kylie was about to question Alexi again, but Kylie suddenly found herself falling.

***

.....Kylie woke up with a scream.

.....“Kylie,” Nick’s voice called. Kylie looked over and gasped. There in her room stood Nick…sure he was in one of those germ suits –scrubs made especially for the clean rooms– …but he really was there.

.....“Nick?” Kylie whispered. Nick smiled and walked over to Kylie’s bed.

.....“Are you okay? You were screaming,” Nick said as he sat down and took Kylie’s hands into his. Kylie nodded.

.....“I was falling,” Kylie said…unsure of how she would explain the other part of her dream. Nick nodded in understanding.

.....“I love you,” Nick whispered. Kylie knew that Nick couldn’t take his surgeon mask off but she leaned forward anyways and kissed his mask-covered lips.

.....“I love you,” she replied as she leaned into Nick, hugging him close. “What are you doing here?” she then asked.

.....“I couldn’t let you go through this alone,” Nick whispered. “We’ve canceled tour for a week, and we’ll make it up to our fans by adding another week for those who are missing out this week,” he explained. Kylie nodded. She then pulled Nick over, causing him to laugh as he stretched out on the bed. Kylie smiled and leaned into Nick’s chest, snuggling with him for the first time in a month.

.....“I missed you…it seemed like we were apart for longer then a month,” Kylie said with a sigh. Nick shifted and pulled Kylie closer, allowing his arm to rest along her back.

.....“I know what you mean,” Nick agreed as his lips pressed into the top of Kylie’s scarf-covered head. Kylie sighed. She loved how she and Nick could just sit for hours, content with just being in the same room together. She loved how they didn’t always need words to convey what they were feeling. But most of all, Kylie loved how Nick always made her feel loved…with just the simplest things that he does for her.

.....Maybe that was it…maybe her dreams were informing her that Nick was her future…Kylie suddenly sat up causing Nick to look at her in confusion.

.....‘I’d like to tell you about my dream,” she blurted anxiously. Nick looked confuse still, but he nodded in agreement. “So you remember…a couple months ago, when I ended up having that strange dream…while we were in the Chemo lab?”

.....“Yes, I remember…you were at your own funeral,” Nick said, his voice faint.

.....“Right, well I had another weird dream…just before you walked in. I doubt it’s something that could ever come true, but I feel like it’s trying to give me a message,” Kylie said as she looked down at her hands.

.....“What kind of message?” Nick asked.

.....“In my first dream…the funeral one…I was watching you…and a little girl talking about my death. This little girl looked just like you, with long curly hair…but her eyes…her eyes were mine,” Kylie whispered the last words.

.....“You saw…our child?” Nick asked his eyes going wide. Kylie nodded.

.....“Her name was Lexi…she looked about four or five, but it was hard to tell. You were explaining to her that God had taken her mother…me…to heaven to watch over the babies in heaven…without mommy’s and daddy’s. This little girl seemed to be very bright. Then you both walked into another room, where a small baby laid in a crib. I think he might have been a preemie or something, but his name was Kyle. Suddenly my vision shifted and I was at the funeral home, watching myself lie in the coffin…it was very creepy.” Nick was speechless…so quiet that it scared Kylie.

.....“Then what happened?” Nick asked after a few moments.

.....“I woke up…but this dream…this new dream was different. I was standing…watching myself in the mirror. I shifted a little and saw myself…very large…and very pregnant and then you walked in. Before I could see anything else my vision moved and I was standing in the same little girls room…from my first dream. The little girl was there, and she was looking at me. We had a conversation and she told me her name…Alexi Faye…”

.....“Pretty name,” Nick commented. Kylie nodded in agreement.

.....“She then led me over to a small baby…Nick this child was so tiny. Alexi… or Lexi told me that he was her baby brother, Kyle Nicholas…and that I saved him. And then suddenly I was falling.” Kylie looked over at Nick. Was he going to think that she was crazy?

.....“What do you think the dreams are telling you?” Nick asking after some thought.

.....“That you’re it,” Kylie whispered. “Before, when I said that I doubted that anyone could love me, I didn’t realize…I didn’t see that my partner…the one that I’m supposed to have in my life, was standing…sitting next to me. Nick…you’re it.” Nick looked over, his eyes smiling.

....."I think…that…that you're it too," Nick agreed his eyes still smiling. Kylie grinned and leaned in to kiss his covered lips again.

....."I love you," Kylie whispered once again. Nick leaned forward and gave Kylie another kiss.

....."Did you know…" Nick paused to look into Kylie's eyes. "Did you know that we have the same birthday," Nick asked with a teasing glint in his eyes.

....."Seriously?" Kylie asked with a gasp. Nick nodded. "We put our birthdays in our letters…how did we not notice?" Kylie wondered. She then laughed and leaned in kissing Nick.

....."What was that for?" Nick asked.

....."Well I do like kissing you…" Kylie teased making Nick's eyes light up. "I think I'm going to like sharing my seventeenth birthday with you," she then said.

....."Your seventeenth…my eighteenth," Nick whispered.

....."How are we going to celebrate?" Kylie asked. "I should be out of the hospital by then," she then added.

....."I am thinking of something…and it will be special," Nick promised. Kylie nodded.

....."I'm looking forward to it then," Kylie said with a smile.

....."As am I," Nick said. Kylie pushed Nick back into the bed and then laid against him. Nick laughed as he pulled her close.

....."How long are they going to let you stay?" Kylie asked with a sigh.

....."Probably another couple of hours," Nick said with a sigh.

....."I don't want you to leave," Kylie admitted. Nick pulled Kylie closer and kissed her head.

....."I don't want to either…but they're going to want you to get some rest before you have the transplant tomorrow," Nick said softly. Just then the doctor walked into the room.

....."How are you Miss Martin?" he asked kindly as he looked over her chart. Kylie smiled before lacing Nick's hand with hers.

....."Better," she said her smile widening.

....."That's good, your mother is currently suiting up, and…"

....."She's not my mother," Kylie whispered.

....."I'm sorry what?" the doctor asked confused.

....."Denise…she's not my mother…I mean…she's great, and she's a mother-like figure and I love her…but my mother is dead," Kylie said softly. Nick squeezed Kylie tightly.

....."I'm sorry," the doctor said.

....."It's nothing, you didn’t know…I just thought you should. And who knows…maybe someday…she will be my mother," Kylie said with a grin. Kylie cast a look up at Nick and saw him smirking. Just then Denise walked into the room, in the same suit as Nick. The doctor smiled at Denise and she kindly smiled back.

....."Doctor Mullins, what is the plan?" Denise asked as she stepped over to the bed. Nick tried to sit up, and Kylie just snuggled in closer. As far as Kylie was concerned, she hadn't seen Nick in almost a month…she wasn’t letting Nick out of her grasp…not while she had the choice.

....."Well Mrs. Jonas tomorrow we will be placing an IV full of healthy marrow in Kylie's body, she will be on the IV for about five hours. After we have finished the IV, things will become critical. Kylie will be wearing a mask for a while. Now the new marrow will create new white and red blood cells which will help Kylie fight her cancer. Usually patients that have the marrow transplant are able to fight their cancer faster and easier. Kylie will remain in the hospital anywhere from two to four weeks, and for the next year we will be watching her very closely. If all goes well, then Kylie's cancer should go into remission all on her own," Dr. Mullen explained.

....."And you think everything will go well?" Denise asked as she looked over at Kylie.

....."I do…there is no reason to believe that Kylie won't make it through this. She seems to have been fighting this cancer very vigorously. Considering what she has been through, she has a very good chance of going into remission. Kylie, we will see you tomorrow." Dr. Mullen said and then he turned to Nick and Denise. "You both may stay for another fifteen minutes and then only one person in the room at a time," he said before leaving the room.

***

.....Nick watched silently as his mother and Kylie talked for a few moments. He was glad that Kylie would be fine, but he was lost in thought. His mind was on what Kylie had told him earlier. She had seen their kids…he was thrilled over the idea of someday becoming a father, but since he had begun dating Kylie he had sort of given up the idea of becoming a father. He had done his research, he knew that Chemo almost always left people barren or sterile. Of course maybe he was reading too much into the dream…maybe they weren't going to have children, maybe Kylie was right…maybe her dream was always about them – about their future.

.....Nick knew that Kylie was the one. He knew that if he had the chance, Nick would spend the rest of his life with Kylie…or at least as long as he could get. He loved Kylie, he needed her. Kylie was like breathing air – she was necessary.

....."I'm going to leave you two for a while," Denise then said with a smile breaking Nicks train of thought.

....."Okay mom," Nick said as he gently pulled out of Kylie's arms in order to get up. Nick hugged his mom tightly.

....."Thank you," he whispered.

....."I love you too," she laughed as she left. Nick climbed back into the bed and once again pulled Kylie into his arms.

....."Would you like…I mean…do you want to get married someday?" Nick asked broaching the subject. He didn’t know if it was too soon in the relationship, but he felt that it was subject that they were ready to discuss.

....."I…well…" Kylie looked over at Nick. She looked speechless. "I would like to…someday," she finally said. "I know that I may not have long to wait…so I guess I'd like my someday to be soon. But I don’t want…I want my marriage to be forever, so when…if I do get married, then it has to be for the right reasons," Kylie explained. She looked over at Nick and he smiled grasping her hands in his.

....."And what are the right reasons?" Nick asked gently. Kylie smiled.

....."Love," she whispered. "Love is a reason, and commitment. I want to know that whenever he's gone, I'll miss him like nothing else, I want to know that just being in his presence makes me weak, I want to know that he needs me just as much as I need him. I want him to love me just as much…if not more then I love him," Kylie said as she looked down at their fingers. Nick pulled their hands up to Kylie's face and softly ran a finger down her cheek.

....."I do love you," he whispered. Kylie smiled.

....."And I you," she replied. "Are you going to be here tomorrow?" she asked softly.

....."As soon as they let me in the door," he promised. Kylie nodded.

....."You can't leave…until I'm asleep," she whispered.

....."I wouldn't dream of it," Nick said as he pulled Kylie closer. Kylie rested her head on his chest and closed her eyes. She was asleep in almost minutes.