Learning to Love June

The last words I ever wanted Kellan to say where the next one’s he spoke. “I think I should get you home.”

The thought that this day would last forever, until the earth stopped spinning and the sun exploded was stupid. But it didn’t feel stupid when Kellan was kissing me and the sun was burning hotter than it ever had and the earth groaned underneath our feet like it was too tired to carry on.

“Are you going to call?” I ask into his neck as he starts to walk to the death trap.

He laughs once and the sound floats around on the air, “Yes I’m going to call.”

“What are you going to say?” I ask, wrapping my arms around his waist and trying to get him to stop moving but he’s too strong for me and ends up dragging me along.

“That’s a surprise,” He says and I can tell he’s rolling his eyes but I’m so oxygen deprived from kissing him that I don’t mind.

“Can we do this again soon?” I ask as he pries my hands from around his torso to get on the death trap.

“What the kissing or the beach?” He asks, looking up at me with that knowing smirk that I love and hate at the same time.

“Both,” I say with a grin, trying not to appear clumsy as I slide onto the bike behind him.

“I can live with that,” He says and I just roll my eyes and hold onto him tight, resting my head on his back so I can feel his heartbeat and it’s the best beat in the world.

&&

“Where the hell where you!” Jessica practically screams the second I’m in the door.

Jeffery is standing behind Jessica and looks like a stern father with his arms crossed and eyebrows pushed down like that. As soon as he see’s Kellan shrinking behind me his eyes jump to a glare and I feel sorry for him but then I look at Jessica and I know how he feels.

“At the beach,” I say, hoping that the truth is the best option here.

“It’s November,” Jessica says and I think back to when he first got in the water and then I’m thinking of him taking his clothes off and I have to stop right there.

“And next month it will be December,” I hear Kellan mutter under his breath and I have to disguise my laugh with a cough.

“Well I was worried sick June! I thought something happened to you! And then Jeffery is freaking out because Kellan is gone too and,” She says in one hurried breath but then she pauses because Jeffery is rubbing soothing circles on her back. “Just don’t do that ever again.”

“Whatever mom,” I say, feeling bitter about the fact that she can yell at me all she wants about going somewhere with a boy when she’s with a different boy every week.

“Shut up June, you’re so immature. You just don’t get it do you?” She asks, her hands on her hips and I’m reminded so much of mom it’s crazy.

“You just don’t want me to have any fun,” I challenge, trying my best to appear icy when Kellan is still standing a few inches behind me.

“You can have fun all you want! Just don’t be stupid June,” She says and then she’s looking away because I think she’s going to cry and this is just getting ridiculous.

“I’m not stupid Jessica, you’re the stupid one out of us and everyone knows it,” I say and then I know I’ve crossed a line because Jessica’s face starts turning all red and Jeffery and Kellan both take a step back.

“Get out of my face,” She mutters in a tone that would make you think she was talking to a pile of garbage.

I start up the steps before she yells again, “And take you boyfriend with you!”

I’m so angry that I’m not thinking about what I’m saying because I’m just trying to spite her and I’m stupid, “He’s not my boyfriend!” I yell down at her but then my heart completely stops in my chest and I feel like all my blood ran to escape in my legs.

Kellan, who was just starting after me looks like he’s frozen in time, “I’m not?” he asks in a tone that breaks my heart into a million fragments.

“Wait, Kellan,” I say slowly, trying to think of what to say when my mind is so scrambled from a million emotions.

“Then what was today? I mean, I thought that- don’t you?” He says and his eyes look so confused as they’re meeting mine I feel like the earth should just open up and swallow me whole so I don’t have to be here.

“That’s not what I meant,” I say quickly, jumping down the stairs and trying my best to ignore Jessica and Jeffery who are openly staring at us.

“What did you mean then?”

“I didn’t mean anything!” I say because I’m trying to fix it but I can tell I just made it worse because his face goes ashen.

“So that’s what I am to you June? I’m nothing? Because I know that people tend to like my freaking brother so much more than me, but I know that I’m way more than nothing. I thought you got that,” Kellan says and I know why Jessica talked to me like I was garbage. It’s because I am garbage.

“You are not nothing Kellan, I swear-“ I’m trying to say but the words can’t get out fast enough before he’s holding his hand up to stop me.

“Save it,” he spits and turns on his heel.

Jeffery of course kicks into older brother mode and gives Jessica a quick kiss on the cheek before rushing out the door and after his heartbroken little brother.

“Sometimes June you’re the world’s biggest idiot,” Jessica says in a sad tone and I want to turn around and punch her because this is her fault.

“I know, I’m the stupid one,” I say, because it’s true.