Smile

16.
Spring break was rolling around at the end of the month, meaning that I had to visit Dr. Laura. Jon was at an away game so I didn’t need to spill the details of where I’m going, well it was easier to lie to him from texting then face to face. I learned fast that Jon could read me better than I could read myself sometimes.

As I stepped off the metro I decided that today I wouldn’t be a bitch to Dr. Laura. I actually had something to tell her today and I needed someone to talk to. She knew everything but she acted like she didn’t cause she wanted to hear it from me.

“Hello Ara, how are you today?” Dr. Laura asked offering me a cup of hot coca.

“I’m fine today, but I was wondering if I could just vent to you without you asking questions?” I wondered if she was going to be okay with that.

“That sounds good. I’m ready when you’re ready.” She replied taking a sip of her coffee. I nodded my head then started my vent.

“Jon asked me to go to Vancouver with him and I did but only for 3 days so I could watch the final game. After Vancouver it seems like Jon and I really got closer as boyfriend and girlfriend. It’s just that I’m going to leave for France in 2 weeks and I don’t know if now would be the right time to tell him everything. And I figured out the reason I can’t stand Patrick Kane sometimes; its because he reminds me of old self so much. The care-free person who could party all night long without getting tired, the person that could get all the numbers and hookups, the person who smiled at everyone because he felt like it and not because it might be the last god damn time. I used to be him but in girl form, and I resent Patrick Kane for being able to not grow up while I had to. While I was forced to grow up he wasn’t, and sometimes I wish I didn’t need to grow up as well.” I said tears just flowing from my face. I don’t know where the tears came from but they just wouldn’t stop.

“And what’s going to happen when I tell Jon? I don’t want him to treat me differently. When do I tell Jon about everything? Tonight, tomorrow or never? I don’t know what to. I mean I already met his parents.” I managed out while I tried to calm myself down.

“I’m not going to ask you questions but I will give you my advice. By understanding on why you and Kaner don’t get along I understand, he shows you the old you the one you weren’t ready to give up. That’s great that you were able to identify it. With Jon the time will fell right when to tell him, you did follow him to Vancouver so meeting his parents was something that was going to happen. But you need to understand that it’s better to tell Jon then not to tell him at all.” Dr. Laura explained to me, I understood from the point that she was coming from.

“I just don’t know when and how.” I said wiping the tears away with the tissue she offered.

“Well you should tell him the truth, and for the when part, that’s totally up to you. You need to feel comfortable in the relationship to tell him, because it’s a big part of you that you’re going to share.” She said. I had looked at the clock and realized that my time was up, I actually talked for a full hour. Maybe it wasn’t the topic that Dr. Laura wanted me to talk about but I at least talked.

“Thank you for listening Dr.” I said standing up she told me ‘anytime’. I left her office and put my coats back on in the reception area.
As I made my way back to the metro I was always a little nervous of someone that I knew spotting me. But it never happened so far which I was grateful for. Making it back to my apartment I was so tired from all of the crying that I did I fell asleep. Currently the Blackhawks were on a trip on the West Coast. I just had to make sure I was in front of my computer by 7 so I could watch the game and I was fine.

The Hawks lost the game 2-4, meaning that I wouldn’t receive a late night call from Jon. It disappointed me that whenever they lost a game I would be pushed to the side like I didn’t even exist but I understood how hard it is for Jon to lose a game. He’s the captain of this team, thinking that he’s the only one that carries this team. But it was a sacrifice that I was willing to take.

“Hello?” I said not even looking at my phone, it was midnight and I was tired.

“Did I wake you up?” A familiar voice rung through my phone, it was Jon. I sat straight up when I heard his voice.

“It’s okay; I’m up, just surprised that you called.” I said rubbing the sand from my eyes.

“Sorry, I forgot that it’s 12 in Chicago. I know I just needed someone to talk to.” Jon said sighing, my heart went to him instantly.

“Well I’m all ears.” I said smirking at the irony of this conversation. Here I was going to listen to Jon’s problem just as Dr. Laura listened to mine.

“I don’t want to talk about hockey. I’m just so tired of losing, this is our third straight lost. I just, ugh.” Jon said frustrated and I could tell that he rubbed his face a habit he does when he’s stressed.

“You can’t let all this frustration build inside of you Jon and carry it on to the next game because then you’re just going to get frustrated. Tomorrow you guys have a game so end the losing streak and make a winning streak.” I said giving him the same advice I gave to my friends and the advice that my dad gave to me.

“As simple as that sounds, it’s not that simple babe.” He said with some sort of a laugh.

“And why not, babe?” I asked countering the babe part. We’ve never used that before at first I found that incredibility weird when other couples did that but now I actually liked it.

“Well, because---I don’t know.” He mumbled knowing that I was right, something Jon didn’t like to admit. He hated it when he was wrong but not as much if I was correct and he was wrong.

“Exactly, this is the same speech my dad gave me.” I said knowing that Jon knew that I used to be very athletic. During a team dinner the guys asked me what sports I played growing up and turns out that I played more than Jon, except some sports the guys didn’t approve of.

Flashback

“I did tennis, futbol or soccer, fenced, equestrian, swam and I did ballet. Oh, I speed skated during the winters.” I said remembering the speed skating part.

“First of all, soccer, fencing and ballet are not a sport. And what is equestrian?” Kaner asked laughing.

“Soccer, isn’t a sport? Carlos Bocanegra aka. Captain America plays soccer in France. Fencing is recognized by the Olympic organization and I know for a fact that ballerinas are tougher than hockey players. Equestrian is the art of horseback riding.” I said glaring at Kaner.

“Captain America, did you give him that nickname? Ballerina’s are not tougher than hockey players.” Kaner snickered, pissing me off.

“Google it shithead. Can hockey players stand on their toes, do their feet bleed every day, do their toenails fall off, do hockey players fall on hard wood floors with no pads, do hockey players fall from the stage and break a rib with no pads, and do hockey players have to perform if they don’t feel good?” I asked Kaner as he brought his phone out to google Carlos Bocanegra.

“So you’re right about the Captain America part. But really hockey is way more of a sport that ballet no matter how much your feet bleed.” He replied.

“Sorry, babe but I have to agree with Kaner.” Jon said sitting next to me. All of the guys nodded their head in agreement.

“Fine, I’ll rent a ballet studio one day and you guys need to dress and do everything a ballerina does. And I’ll do the same for hockey.” I said.

Then we all made bets on which sport was harder, the girls were on my side while all the guys were on Kaner’s side. Except Hossa, who sided with his fiancée which I found incredibly sweet.
End of flashback

“Thanks for listening. I’ll let you go to sleep, bye.” Jon said as I heard him say with a smile.

“Bye.” I said hanging up the phone.

As I fell asleep that night I thought about going back to France for a week. I couldn’t wait to go back home, to the place that I love. The only hard part about leaving was the fact that Jon wouldn’t come back until the morning of the 21st. The same day that I leave for France but I left at night.