Just Another Lovesick Boy

I was out of the car before my mom could even park. There were too many cars driving around in the hospital parking lot so I had to walk briskly instead of running. By the time I reached the lobby inside, my mother had already reached my side and was pulling me down a hallway. I put a hand to my chest in an attempt to ease the fear in my heart. Mr. Devereux had been very brief about what had happened to Ed and Free. All I knew was that Ed was hurt but recovering and Freedom was still unconscious. My mom glanced at her cell phone, making sure she had the floor and room number correct, before pulling me into an elevator and pressing the button to take us up. I fidgeted restlessly and bit down on my thumbnail as the elevator slowly went up. My mom was completely calm but I could see her take glances at her watch. We both rushed out of the elevator as soon as the chime went off and the doors opened. She pulled me down another hallway and we walked for a few moments. When we turned the corner, we both froze in place.

Mr. Devereux was sitting by himself in a row of stiff hospital chairs, leaning forward with his head in his hands. My mom and I glanced at each other before walking quietly down the hall until we were standing in front of him. Mr. Devereux slowly lowered his hands before standing up to look down at both of us. I searched his face, looking for any sign that might tell me if Eddy and Free were any worse. My mom immediately bounded forward to wrap her arms around Mr. Devereux’s neck.

“Jocelyn, my kids,” he let out a sob as he hugged her. “My kids.”

“There, there, Tom,” my mom said gently as she pulled away. “It’s going to be okay. How are they?”

Mr. Devereux sighed heavily as he ran a hand through his blond hair. “Free still hasn’t woken up. The doctors say that she has a brain contusion. They want to keep her here for a while and she how she is when she wakes up. And she has a broken arm and collapsed lung, but they said that it’s not too bad and with time, she’ll get better. They say she’s lucky that that’s all she has.”

“What about Eddy?” I asked.

“He’s fine, for the most part. Lots of cuts and bruises, a mild concussion, and a broken finger,” Mr. Devereux nodded. “But I think that he’s not completely here, emotionally. He’s really upset about Free. He won’t leave her side.”

“Where is he? Can I see them?”

“Adrian, sweetheart, calm down,” my mom put a hand on my shoulder.

“No, Mom,” I looked over at her. “I’m his best friend, he needs me.”

“He needs quiet and he needs to rest,” she said.

“Mom. He needs me.”

As she was shaking her head and about to say something, Mr. Devereux stepped in. “No, it’s okay, Jocelyn. He’s right. Eddy’s in room 516. Just remember to stay quiet for Free, okay?”

I nodded quickly before turning on my heel to walk down the hall. I paused in front of the room before knocking gently on the door. I slowly opened the door before peeking inside. Eddy was facing towards my direction but he was not looking my way. Instead, he was leaning forward so his mouth was buried in his crossed arms as he looked up at the sleeping Free. As quietly as I could manage, I closed the door before walking past the first two beds in the room to walk towards Free’s bed. I slid into the chair across from Ed, glancing at him briefly, before grabbing Free’s hand. There was no trying to lie about it: Free was a mess. There was a large amount of gauze with blood bleeding through wrapped around her forehead and bandages covering her arms and face from all the cuts she had. Her right arm was wrapped in a cast and was lying across her stomach. I could see a tube coming out from under the blanket that was attached to a machine and I knew that it was helping her breathe. But even through all of that, she still managed to seem like she was sleeping peacefully. I stroked her hand with my thumb for a moment before letting go and turning my attention to Eddy.

“Ed,” I whispered. “Eddy. Eddy, look at me.”

As Eddy looked over my way, I could see the same look on his face that he had when his mom passed away. I could not even imagine what was going through his hand in that moment. First, he lost his mom in a car accident. And then his sister was put into the hospital in the exact same way. Luck did not seem to be on Eddy’s side.

“Eddy, it’s going to be okay,” I said as I leaned across Free to put a hand on his arm.

He quickly moved his arm out my reach before leaning back in his seat. “How do you know?”

“The doctors say she’s going to fine. That she only needs to stay here for a while and then she’ll be okay.”

“The doctors,” he scoffed, shaking his head. Eddy bit down on his lip thoughtfully before looking over my way. I could see how upset he was before he said anything more. “I could hear them, you know? They didn’t close the door and I heard them.”

“What did you hear them say?”

“They said it wasn’t just us who was hurt. They said even though he hit us, the other guy got it way worse. I could hear them say they didn’t expect him to make it.”

I held Eddy’s gaze and he stared over my way. There were tear tracks on his face and his eyes were red but Eddy was not crying anymore. He sniffed once before rubbing at his nose. He broke his gaze with me to look down at Freedom, who had not moved an inch.

“It’s all my fault, man,” he said softly.

“What are you talking about?”

“I was driving home and I could hear Free moving around in the backseat. She said she dropped something and she couldn’t reach. So I turned around and I was telling her to put her seatbelt back on. I should have been watching the road. If I hadn’t turned around, this wouldn’t have happened.”

“Everything happens for a re-” I started out.

“Oh, shut up with this destiny bullshit, Adrian!” Eddy cut me off. “This was not supposed to happen. My little sister should not have a brain injury and I should have seen that guy and he is not supposed to be dying.”

“Eddy,” I said sternly. “Shit like this happens. Car accidents happen. People die. You can’t go back in time and take it back. Free is hurt, yeah. But she’ll get better. You’ll get better.”

“And that guy?” he asked me.

“It happens sooner or later, Ed. It sucks. But it does.”

“Well, so sorry, bud, but we can’t all think the way you do,” Eddy smiled forcefully as he slumped in his chair and looked back down at Free.

I went quiet before turning my attention to Freedom. She made no movement and I would have thought there was a problem if it were not for her shallow but even breathing. I hope that she would have done anything, whether it was a twitch in her smallest finger or a light sigh, but she did nothing but lay there. It seemed unreal being in the hospital for Free. I had a small sense of déjà vu on the drive over. When my mom had heard about Antonia Devereux and her car crash, we rushed over to the hospital to see how she was but she knew once we saw Mr. Devereux that she was gone. It seemed unreal that we were here again for the same circumstances. But at the same time, I felt relieved that at least Freedom was still alive.

I could hear Eddy lick his lips and open his mouth before he spoke. Every single sound seemed to echo in the small room, especially the sound of breathing and heart monitors from the other patients. But any sound Eddy made stood out the most to me.

“I just…” he whispered. “I don’t think I can do it again. If I lose Free, I don’t think I’ll be able to move on.”

As Eddy held Free’s hand and leaned back down so his mouth was buried in his arms, he stared up at her with hard and frustrated eyes. He sniffed once before continuing.

“I know when Mom died, I was so upset that she went some place that I couldn’t follow. And I wanted to follow her. But I stayed for Dad and Free. But if Free goes, too…I don’t think I can stay here. I just can’t. Not even for Dad. And that scares me.”

I bit down on my lip roughly as I shifted in my seat to place my chin in the palm of my head. My gaze at Freedom shifted over towards Eddy in the middle of his speech. There was always the reminder in the back of my mind that Eddy did previously think about death but I suppose I always denied the idea that he continued to think that way. He was my best friend and I guess that was why I refused to think about him leaving me. It was selfish of me to want to keep him here even when he was miserable but, regardless, I still wanted him here.

“I don’t want you to go. But I don’t blame you for wanting to when you’re so unhappy. But, Ed, that’s a permanent solution. There is no turning back. There is no, ‘Oh, okay, I don’t want to be dead anymore.’ You’ll be dead. That’s it.”

“And what if that’s all I want, dude? What if I want that to be it?” he asked me as he sat up.

I sat in silence as I watched Eddy, who stared over at me with the tears in his eyes about to fall over as he waited for my answer. I thought about it for a minute before looking into his eyes seriously and said, “Then I would miss you a lot.”

Eddy clenched his jaw with his eyebrows furrowed. His grip on Free tightened as he moved his other hand to cover his mouth. He wiped away the tears that fell on to his face before rubbing at his nose as he looked back down to Free. His tongue flicked out to lick his bottom lip before giving me a shaky smile.

“Can’t have that now, can I?” he asked me.

“You better not,” I smiled as I shook my hair out of my eyes.

Eddy’s mouth twitched before he lowered himself back down so he could look up at Free. It was quiet for a beat and then he whispered, “Tell me that she’ll be okay, Adrian.”

“She’ll be okay.”

“Promise?”

“Of course I promise. Do you really think Freedom Devereux will allow her big brother to hurt like this for so long?” I rhetorically asked. “She’ll wake up any time soon.”

“Good. Because I don’t want her to go.”

“She won’t,” I reassured him.

As the doctors and nurses rushed throughout the hallway, I placed my hand to Free’s head to push her hair back. The heat that flowed from her head to my fingertips reminded me on how lucky people were to simply just be alive and how many people took that for granted. But there in front of me was a small child who had so much going for her and knew how amazing it was to just breathe. There was absolutely no way in Heaven or Hell that Freedom Devereux was going to check out so easily. Though the hospital reeked of medicine and plastic, I swore that I almost smelled the scent of roses and fresh bread. And I knew that Antonia would not let her little girl leave us just yet.