Status: This story belongs to troublemaker96 on Quizillia
Primitive Instincts
Dropping Out of School
R I V E R
It was my first bus ride. Well, first tarc bus ride. I used to ride the school bus, before they made me start walking. I remembered them as being cramped and hot. The bus driver was like a zombie, just doing his rounds so he could go home and pay the bills. The kids were loud and snotty. I specifically remembered one kid who would always pick his nose and wipe his boggers on the back of the seat in front of him. It was nasty.
The tarc bus wasn't like the school bus. Here the seats weren't material coated, they were plastic with sharpie all over them. Some of the things that i read were just nasty, while others i couldn't help but think were cute.
Next to me, in place of the booger picking kid I'd known in first grade, was an old homeless man. His clothes were tattered and completely worn away in some places. He was wearing gloves and old yellow rain boots. His beard was long and unruley, and the wrinkles in his face were deep and suggested a troubled past. He was holding in his hand a rattle. That was all. A silver rattle with little designs carved into it. I had tilted my head to the side so I could read what was engraved on it.
It said, "For my daughter, Aaron, who is the light of my life."
Who knew what this poor man had been through. I imagined different scenarios in my head. Maybe his daughter had died, or been taken away from him in a divorce.
I did all this, took in all of my surroundings to distract myself from where i was going on my first bus ride. To school. Kind of the like the school bus. But here, no one knew me, and no one would ask questions about my face and why i had a bruise over my cheek or a cut on my lip. Or why i was so pale i stood out in Washington. Or why my clothes were practically falling off me.
Because on the tarc bus, no one cares. You're just another stranger going to a strange destination. You're a human being with feelings, but so is everyone else, so why pay attention? Tarc bus people mind their own buisness, and all they care about is getting to where they're going.
Not me. I cared. I didn't want to get where i was going. I wanted to stay on the bus and learn people's names. I wanted to know where they were going and why they were going there. Because maybe after i was gone they would remember me as the one person on the tarc bus who ever really cared. That counted for something right?
But my chance was gone, because the driver pulled up to the stop right near the school on the reservation. It was my stop. My turn to get off.
I used the pole to help myself up and then carefully descended the unusually steep bus steps. I looked back at the window once. Anyone looking out of it wasn't looking at me. They were looking off into space, probably thinking about what they would do later that day. No one noticed me, the shy abused girl heading into a school to sign her own death wish. No one wondered what I would be doing later on that day. No one looked back as the bus pulled away from the curb to get one last glimpse of me.
Because on the tarc bus, no one cares.
< <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
"Hello Mrs. Rivers. It's been a while since we've seen you! Are you feeling any better?" the secretary asked. So they had gone with the disease story. How cliche.
"Much." I answered, trying to make my voice sound like i was still kind of functioning inside. "Actually..." i said, looking down at my nails. They were clicking themselves against the table. "I came here to umm, drop out." i said, not meeting her eyes.
"Drop out? Well Mrs. Rivers you're only 16, you need parental consent to-"
"I have it." i said, and pulled the forms and papers out of my back pocket. She took them uncertainly and looked them over.
"I'll have to make a few calls." she said, before she got up from her wheelie chair and headed into another room. I could tell she was disappointed. I would have been. Hell, 16 year olds shouldn't drop out.
I waited in the room, clicking my nails in time with the clock, waiting for her to come back out. She finally emerged from a back room, the principal in tow. GreatI thought, resisting the urge to roll my eyes.
"Mrs. Rivers.." he began, portraying that he was about to go on a long rant. something i definitely didn't want to hear. He didn't have to convince me not to drop out. He had to convince my parents. And there was no way that was happening without a blood-bath taking place.
"Mr. Kebbel, i really have to get to work, is everything set for me to drop out?" i asked, interrupting him. He looked taken aback but looked over the papers, sighing as he did so.
"You said they approved that they did indeed sign these?" he asked, looking to the secretary. I didn't even know her name.
"Yes sir." she said, looking at me with shameful eyes.
"Mrs. Rivers...are you sure you want to do this?" he asked, pulling his glasses off and looking me in the eyes. It was like he was trying to see into my soul. See what i was feeling.
The truth was he probably saw nothing. Because i felt nothing. It was over. Done. And no one could do anything about it.
"Yes." i said, shifting my weight to the other foot.
"Well then...i guess you are officially a high school drop-out. I am very sorry you chose this, you were one of our brightest students. It was a pleasure having you attend our school." he said, reaching out to shake my hand.
"It was a pleasure coming here." i said, before pulling away and walking out the door, letting it swing shut behind me.
So that was that.
< <<<<<<<<
I almost missed him. I was so close! But of course my luck didn't let him pass me by. He had to look over at that exact moment. Right as i was about to get on the bus.
There were maybe five people in front of me, all taking their sweet time, when all of the sudden i was being turned around. Right into the face of an anxious, excited, and worried Embry Call.
Not this.I thought. I definitely couldn't do this. I started to feel all the pent up emotions leaking through. Stupid emotions for him. For the thirst for life that he gave me.
"River." he smiled, hugging me tightly. "Where have you been?" He asked, laughing as he pulled away. Only then did he notice the bruise and cut. "What happened to you?" he asked, reaching out and touching my face. Shocks ran through my body, making me shiver. No.I thought, pulling away from him. It was like a bullet in the heart.
"I have to go Embry." i said, trying not to let any emotions show. His face instantly fell and he took another step forward.
"Answer me first."
"Embry I really have to go." i said, looking away from him. He wasn't wearing a freakin shirt. Again! Damn him, and it wasn't making anything easier for me. I didn't need everything i couldn't have taunting me. Not now.
I felt tears well in the corner of my eyes.
"River where is that bruise from? And that cut." He asked, reaching out to touch me again. I reached up and stopped his hand, forcing him to drop it.
"Please Embry. Don't." i said, feeling the first tear fall down my face. He pulled me into his arms, forcing me to look at him. His deep brown eyes scorching with pain and curiosity and worry.
"River...if this is about the kiss then im sorry if it was too fast for you. I just...the way i feel about you. I can't put it into words." he smiled lightly.
I felt a sob erupt in my throat. It was like my dreams were coming true right as i was about to walk into a nightmare. His smile fell away when my tears increased.
"It wasn't the kiss Embry. The kiss was, o-one of the b-best things that's ever-r happened to m-me. But i just...can't. You don't understand! You don't know how much i wish i could be with you but it's not that simple!"
"Why not?" he asked, holding me away from him a little so he could get closer to my face.
"Because it's not Embry! I wish i could tell you. God you don't know how much i wish i could. But i can't! And it's killing me Embry. It kills me! You telling me how you feel about me is making it worse okay? Because i feel so much more strongly and this-" i said, motioning between us, "will never work!"
"Why not?!"
"Because!"
"That's not an answer!" he said, getting angrier.
"Because I can't!" i screamed, jerking away from him. I darted up the bus steps and threw my money at the driver before he could understand what had happened. She closed the doors as i fell into a seat, my body heaving up and down with my hysteric sobs.
"I love you Embry Call." i whispered, trying to control my spastic breathing. The bus pulled away from the curb, and i looked back once to see him still standing there, eyes locked with mine, waiting desperately for me to answer him.
The bus was silent except for my crying. No one offered my a tissue or asked what was wrong. No one comforted me.
I prayed that i never rode another tarc bus.
It was my first bus ride. Well, first tarc bus ride. I used to ride the school bus, before they made me start walking. I remembered them as being cramped and hot. The bus driver was like a zombie, just doing his rounds so he could go home and pay the bills. The kids were loud and snotty. I specifically remembered one kid who would always pick his nose and wipe his boggers on the back of the seat in front of him. It was nasty.
The tarc bus wasn't like the school bus. Here the seats weren't material coated, they were plastic with sharpie all over them. Some of the things that i read were just nasty, while others i couldn't help but think were cute.
Next to me, in place of the booger picking kid I'd known in first grade, was an old homeless man. His clothes were tattered and completely worn away in some places. He was wearing gloves and old yellow rain boots. His beard was long and unruley, and the wrinkles in his face were deep and suggested a troubled past. He was holding in his hand a rattle. That was all. A silver rattle with little designs carved into it. I had tilted my head to the side so I could read what was engraved on it.
It said, "For my daughter, Aaron, who is the light of my life."
Who knew what this poor man had been through. I imagined different scenarios in my head. Maybe his daughter had died, or been taken away from him in a divorce.
I did all this, took in all of my surroundings to distract myself from where i was going on my first bus ride. To school. Kind of the like the school bus. But here, no one knew me, and no one would ask questions about my face and why i had a bruise over my cheek or a cut on my lip. Or why i was so pale i stood out in Washington. Or why my clothes were practically falling off me.
Because on the tarc bus, no one cares. You're just another stranger going to a strange destination. You're a human being with feelings, but so is everyone else, so why pay attention? Tarc bus people mind their own buisness, and all they care about is getting to where they're going.
Not me. I cared. I didn't want to get where i was going. I wanted to stay on the bus and learn people's names. I wanted to know where they were going and why they were going there. Because maybe after i was gone they would remember me as the one person on the tarc bus who ever really cared. That counted for something right?
But my chance was gone, because the driver pulled up to the stop right near the school on the reservation. It was my stop. My turn to get off.
I used the pole to help myself up and then carefully descended the unusually steep bus steps. I looked back at the window once. Anyone looking out of it wasn't looking at me. They were looking off into space, probably thinking about what they would do later that day. No one noticed me, the shy abused girl heading into a school to sign her own death wish. No one wondered what I would be doing later on that day. No one looked back as the bus pulled away from the curb to get one last glimpse of me.
Because on the tarc bus, no one cares.
< <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
"Hello Mrs. Rivers. It's been a while since we've seen you! Are you feeling any better?" the secretary asked. So they had gone with the disease story. How cliche.
"Much." I answered, trying to make my voice sound like i was still kind of functioning inside. "Actually..." i said, looking down at my nails. They were clicking themselves against the table. "I came here to umm, drop out." i said, not meeting her eyes.
"Drop out? Well Mrs. Rivers you're only 16, you need parental consent to-"
"I have it." i said, and pulled the forms and papers out of my back pocket. She took them uncertainly and looked them over.
"I'll have to make a few calls." she said, before she got up from her wheelie chair and headed into another room. I could tell she was disappointed. I would have been. Hell, 16 year olds shouldn't drop out.
I waited in the room, clicking my nails in time with the clock, waiting for her to come back out. She finally emerged from a back room, the principal in tow. GreatI thought, resisting the urge to roll my eyes.
"Mrs. Rivers.." he began, portraying that he was about to go on a long rant. something i definitely didn't want to hear. He didn't have to convince me not to drop out. He had to convince my parents. And there was no way that was happening without a blood-bath taking place.
"Mr. Kebbel, i really have to get to work, is everything set for me to drop out?" i asked, interrupting him. He looked taken aback but looked over the papers, sighing as he did so.
"You said they approved that they did indeed sign these?" he asked, looking to the secretary. I didn't even know her name.
"Yes sir." she said, looking at me with shameful eyes.
"Mrs. Rivers...are you sure you want to do this?" he asked, pulling his glasses off and looking me in the eyes. It was like he was trying to see into my soul. See what i was feeling.
The truth was he probably saw nothing. Because i felt nothing. It was over. Done. And no one could do anything about it.
"Yes." i said, shifting my weight to the other foot.
"Well then...i guess you are officially a high school drop-out. I am very sorry you chose this, you were one of our brightest students. It was a pleasure having you attend our school." he said, reaching out to shake my hand.
"It was a pleasure coming here." i said, before pulling away and walking out the door, letting it swing shut behind me.
So that was that.
< <<<<<<<<
I almost missed him. I was so close! But of course my luck didn't let him pass me by. He had to look over at that exact moment. Right as i was about to get on the bus.
There were maybe five people in front of me, all taking their sweet time, when all of the sudden i was being turned around. Right into the face of an anxious, excited, and worried Embry Call.
Not this.I thought. I definitely couldn't do this. I started to feel all the pent up emotions leaking through. Stupid emotions for him. For the thirst for life that he gave me.
"River." he smiled, hugging me tightly. "Where have you been?" He asked, laughing as he pulled away. Only then did he notice the bruise and cut. "What happened to you?" he asked, reaching out and touching my face. Shocks ran through my body, making me shiver. No.I thought, pulling away from him. It was like a bullet in the heart.
"I have to go Embry." i said, trying not to let any emotions show. His face instantly fell and he took another step forward.
"Answer me first."
"Embry I really have to go." i said, looking away from him. He wasn't wearing a freakin shirt. Again! Damn him, and it wasn't making anything easier for me. I didn't need everything i couldn't have taunting me. Not now.
I felt tears well in the corner of my eyes.
"River where is that bruise from? And that cut." He asked, reaching out to touch me again. I reached up and stopped his hand, forcing him to drop it.
"Please Embry. Don't." i said, feeling the first tear fall down my face. He pulled me into his arms, forcing me to look at him. His deep brown eyes scorching with pain and curiosity and worry.
"River...if this is about the kiss then im sorry if it was too fast for you. I just...the way i feel about you. I can't put it into words." he smiled lightly.
I felt a sob erupt in my throat. It was like my dreams were coming true right as i was about to walk into a nightmare. His smile fell away when my tears increased.
"It wasn't the kiss Embry. The kiss was, o-one of the b-best things that's ever-r happened to m-me. But i just...can't. You don't understand! You don't know how much i wish i could be with you but it's not that simple!"
"Why not?" he asked, holding me away from him a little so he could get closer to my face.
"Because it's not Embry! I wish i could tell you. God you don't know how much i wish i could. But i can't! And it's killing me Embry. It kills me! You telling me how you feel about me is making it worse okay? Because i feel so much more strongly and this-" i said, motioning between us, "will never work!"
"Why not?!"
"Because!"
"That's not an answer!" he said, getting angrier.
"Because I can't!" i screamed, jerking away from him. I darted up the bus steps and threw my money at the driver before he could understand what had happened. She closed the doors as i fell into a seat, my body heaving up and down with my hysteric sobs.
"I love you Embry Call." i whispered, trying to control my spastic breathing. The bus pulled away from the curb, and i looked back once to see him still standing there, eyes locked with mine, waiting desperately for me to answer him.
The bus was silent except for my crying. No one offered my a tissue or asked what was wrong. No one comforted me.
I prayed that i never rode another tarc bus.