You Spurn My Natural Emotions

[Trinity]

I woke up this morning, my head throbbing and with an arm draped across my stomach. Last night after mine and Peyton’s bar shift, we went over to Matt’s place and had a few drinks with them. And by a few drinks I mean I got completely wasted. Why? I don’t know. Probably becauseZacky Baker was giving me the cold-shoulder all night. I don’t know what his problem is, he’s so fucking bi-polar around me. One minute he’s all clingy and desperate and then it’s as if a switch has been flipped because he becomes cold-hearted and harsh.

Anyway, enough of that douche. Who did I sleep with? I rolled over, only to be met with the wide-awake face of the man I just ranted about. Fucking fantastic.

“Morning,” he said softly, with a small smile.

“Great, I fucked you again,” I grumbled.

Zacky’s smile immediately formed into a scowl.

“Honey pie, you were all over me, begging for it last night,” Zack said in surrender, holding his hands up mockingly.

“I was so drunk I don’t even remember, so don’t get too excited,” I shot back.

Zacky scowled even more, and I scowled back before rolling out of his bed and quickly getting dressed in what I wore last night. That’ll have to do.

“Sometimes I wonder what you’re like under your bitch exterior,” Zacky commented coldly.

Again with the personality 180!

“What you see is what you get, sweet cheeks,” I said fake-sweetly.

With a one-fingered salute, I headed to the bedroom door. I dread to think who’s room this is.

“Now, where can I get some coffee?” I muttered under my breath.

*

[Peyton]

Last night was quite amusing, especially since Trinity and Zacky stumbled upstairs at 3am. I wonder who’s room they went into...

“Oh, it’s you,” Zacky mumbled, zipping up his jeans.

“Poor old Johnny lost his bed last night, huh?” I mused.

“If your fucking sister had her way, it wouldn’t have happened,” Zacky muttered.

“What did she say this time?” I sighed, running a hand through my hair.

I swear Trinity is just so god damn blind!

“I tried to be nice by saying Morning, but she grumbled back Great, I fucked you again. I can’t take this anymore,” Zacky whined.

“Man up, and stay here. I’ll be back in a minute,” I chuckled.

Trinity can’t be far ahead if Zacky’s getting dressed...so...I’m thinking coffee? I peeked into the kitchen and grinned. There she is.

“I heard that you’re a real ray of fucking sunshine this morning,” I said cheerfully.

“Do I look like a fucking people person?” Trinity retorted.

“No, but you did fuck Zacky again,” I grinned.

“Mistake,” she muttered.

“Nuh uh, you can’t use that excuse again. Third time now,” I pointed out.

“I know what you’re trying to do, Pey, but I’m not stupid. I don’t want anything to do with Zachary fucking Baker,” Trinity said harshly.

I sighed. I’m gonna have to be blunt, huh?

“Tell me why you won’t be with him,” I said simply.

Trinity stared at me for a few seconds, before rolling her eyes.

“Fine. I’m only giving in because I have the worst motherfucking headache and I know you won’t leave me alone until you get something. The reason I can’t be with Zacky is...is because of his name,” Trinity said calmly, although her fists closed at the end.

I couldn’t help but snort.

“Are you for real? His name?” I mused.

“Zacky and Zack, Pey, don’t you dare fucking laugh at me. Zack in Maryland caused me so much pain, and I’ve got so many bad memories of him that I can’t be with Zacky. I can’t give Zacky a chance because all I think about is Zack fucking Merrick when I hear his name,” Trinity said angrily, tears forming in her eyes.

Wow, she’s serious. Damn, I forgot how many emotions my sister keeps bottled up.

“I would help if you didn’t still have Zack’s necklace,” I said softly.

“Oh fuck off Peyton, you know I’m not going to throw that away. You don’t have a fucking clue about anything I feel. Now if you excuse me, there’s chocolate ice-cream calling my name back at our house,” Trinity said sharply, wiping her eyes.

And with that, she stormed past me, walking out the front door. I flinched as she slammed it shut, but quickly ran back up to Zacky. He was still in Johnny’s room, but he now had a shirt on.

“Was that Trinity slamming the door?” Zacky grimaced.

“Yeah, it was my fault. She nearly cried,” I admitted guiltily.

“Fuck, what did you do?” Zacky gasped, knowing it takes a lot for my sister to cry.

“Uh, I found out why she won’t give you a chance,” I said with a weak smile.

Zacky just stayed silent, his eyes widening.

“I’d better start from the beginning. Uh, in Senior year, we were in a foster home in Maryland. I won’t go into too much detail, but Trinity met a guy there that was the first guy she opened up to and trusted. She once said to me that if the things that made us leave there hadn’t happened, she probably would’ve loved that guy. Uh, he hurt Trinity pretty badly emotionally, and closed her walls around trust for a long time. We’ve got a lot of bad memories there. Uh...”

I trailed off, chewing my bottom lip. Here goes nothing.

“His name is Zack. Zachary, actually. She won’t give you a chance because your name is the same as his,” I explained.

Zack’s eyes clouded over with anger, making me sigh. I knew he wouldn’t take well to this.

“Is that the only fucking reason?” Zacky growled.

“Trinity doesn’t trust easily, and she gave him her trust, but he betrayed that. You know what her emotions are like, and there are a lot of them tied to her ex-Zack,” I tried to soothe.

I shouldn’t be defending Trinity’s harsh actions, but she is my sister after all.

“Is there nothing I can do?!” Zacky pouted, his snakebites sticking out.

I thought over any of Trinity’s weaknesses that either Zack or Mikey had ever mentioned. Wait a minute...

“There is one other thing that drives Trinity mad. You’ve been acting cold and stuff, right?” I asked.

“Yeah, I’ve been a real dick to her. It seems to be working because she’s noticed the change,” Zacky nodded.

“Okay, well one of her exes told his friend who was my boyfriend that teasing Trinity gets her really mad. Like, she hates been sexually riled up and then cut off from it. Drives her insane,” I explained.

“So, like, if I touched her and excited her and then just walked away?” Zacky asked.

“A little too much information, but yeah, that would work,” I chuckled.

“Sorry,” Zacky blushed.

This guy was too cute.

“She’s got you bad, huh?” I chuckled.

“More than you know,” Zacky nodded, not ashamed.

“You’re one of many men to fall for Trinity Rose Hayes. The trick is not to get trapped under her spell. Those guys crash and burn. And don’t ever be a push-over. When you punched Trinity and bust her lip after she punched you, that was different for her. No-one ever fights back and there was something in her that liked that you did,” I told him.

“How do you know all this?” Zacky asked, surprised.

“I’m a Hayes – we just know things. Besides, Trinity’s pretty predictable when you get you know her. I could probably tell you where she’s most likely to punch and kick – she follows a pattern – but I find it too amusing to watch, so I won’t tell you that much,” I grinned.

“Why are you helping me so much?” Zacky mused.

“Well, I’m sick of Trinity moping around after her ex Mikey, and she’s been so miserable it’s driving me mad. You’re the only guy that’s affected her like this, so I think you’d be good for her. Besides, she was an uncalled-for-bitch to me this morning. So this is my way of getting her back,” I laughed.

“Thanks, Peyton. I’m glad you’re with Matt – he deserves someone as nice as you,” Zacky smiled.

“You think I’m nice? Fuck, this is revenge, it isn’t nice. Trinity keeps her emotions bottled up – I lash mine out,” I warned.

“Forget I said anything!” Zacky laughed.

“You should! Anyway, I’d better get going. Call me, Baker,” I beamed.

“Later,” Zacky nodded.

As I walked out of the room, I peeked once more over my shoulder to see Zacky with his head in his hands. He’s in far too deep to back out now – I just hope he doesn’t drown in Trinity’s wrath.

*

[Trinity]

I drove around the block a few times before parking back outside Matt, Brian and Johnny’s house. I knew Zacky, Jimmy and Peyton had left because I’d seen them on my rounds. I just need to see Brian. He has his own way of making me calm down. Luckily Brian was smoking on the front deck as I got out my car, and he looked at me confused. I just walked up to him and took the cigarette from his fingers.

“Hey!” he protested.

I ignored him and placed it between my lips, taking a deep drag. The nicotine soothed my anger like nothing else has ever been able to. After a few second I slowly exhaled. Fuck, I’ve missed that. Brian was just staring at me in shock.

“Ex heavy smoker?” he guessed.

“Bingo,” I nodded, smiling weakly.

“Why’d you quit?” he asked curiously, taking another cigarette out of the pack.

“I had a heart infection about two years ago because of the amount that I smoked,” I shrugged, taking another deep drag.

“Shit! Why are you starting again then?!” Brian yelped.

“A number of things. And it’s not like I’m ever going to smoke as much as I did then,” I grunted.

Brian snorted. I just glared at him, exhaling.

“Let me guess...you and Vengeance had another argument and Peyton confronted you about it?” Brian mused.

I just nodded, inhaling as he lit up his cigarette.

“What got you so riled up this time?” Brian asked softly.

“I don’t really want to say,” I muttered, exhaling.

“You know it’ll help if you do,” Brian pointed out.

I rolled my eyes, taking one final drag before stubbing out the butt with my shoe. I let the deadly smoke swirl around my lungs for a few seconds before exhaling.

“I told my sister why I won’t take a chance on Baker,” I finally said, not looking at Brian.

“Which is...” Brian prompted.

“Look, I told you I don’t want to say!” I exasperated.

Brian stared me down, until I crumbled. Damn his puppy dog eyes. They’re not as powerful as Zacky’s green eyes, but still...

“Fine. In Senior year I had a boyfriend that was the first guy I trusted and opened my heart to. He really hurt me bad and betrayed my trust, and I have a lot of bad memories with him. I hold grudges for years, it’s a bad habit. But if what happened didn’t happen, I probably would’ve grown to love him. His name is Zack, Zachary, and that’s why I can’t be with Baker. They have the same fucking name and it hurts so fucking much every time I hear it,” I rambled.

Brian just pulled me into a firm hug, letting me bury my face in the crook of his neck. I wasn’t crying, but it sure as hell was nice for someone to just hold me.

“I get it, Trin, I really do. But you can’t dwell on the past,” Brian said softly, rubbing my back.

“That cigarette better not be burning my clothes,” I muttered against his flesh.

Brian just laughed, taking a final drag before stubbing it out and flicking it away.

“Nah, girlie, it isn’t,” he smiled, resting his head on mine.

We stayed silent for a few seconds, Brian just rubbing my back.

“Are you ever going to give Zacky a chance?” Brian asked quietly.

“Not until he changes his name,” I mumbled.

“That’s not going to happen,” Brian chuckled.

“Then neither are me and him,” I retorted.

“I said you can’t dwell on the past,” Brian pointed out.

I sighed, lifting my head. I didn’t look into his eyes, but focussed on my fingers that were playing with his t-shirt neckline.

“I know. But it’s hard,” I said softly.

“No-one said it was going to be easy,” Brian replied simply.

The question is, would it be too hard to forget the past without hurting myself in the process?