You Spurn My Natural Emotions

[Zacky]

I arrived at Trinity and Peyton’s house, confused to why Peyton had asked me to come over. It’s not like I really have a reason to come on my own. Trinity hasn’t been right for nearly three weeks now. Yeah, it’s nearly the end of October already. Ever since that fucking letter about her ex getting engaged, all she’s done is drink. Actually, I think the only time she’s been sober is at work, and even then she looks like hell. Matt, Jimmy and Brian have given up trying to get her to talk to them, but Johnny and I haven’t. Although I think Johnny might’ve cracked when Trinity threw an empty 40 bottle at him last night.

“Oh thank fuck,” Peyton breathed, letting me in.

“What’s wrong?” I frowned, kicking my shoes off.

It can’t be serious, right?

“I stayed up all night outside Trinity’s door, just to make sure she was alright after her outburst at Johnny, and all I could hear was her sobbing and screaming. I’m scared Zacky. What if she hurts herself?” Peyton whimpered, “she’s never acted like this before,”

“She really loved this guy, huh?” I sighed.

“Yeah. What they had was true love, in our twisted Hayes way. I just didn’t think she would take the news this badly!” Peyton muttered.

“Well what do you want me to do about it?” I frowned.

Seriously, what can I do that no-one else can?

“Anything you can! Forcibly get her to stop drinking! Knock her out and take her to rehab if you have to! This isn’t my sister anymore. I want her back. You’re my last hope, Z. Can’t you try to get her to stop?” Peyton begged.

“I wouldn’t know where to start,” I whispered, pinching the bridge of my nose.

“Please, I’m desperate, Zacky. You know I wouldn’t ask if I could think of anything else,” Peyton said sadly.

Oh fuck it.

“Alright, I’ll try my hardest. You know she won’t react well,” I sighed, running my hand over my hair.

“Yeah, I know,” Peyton said with a weak smile.

With an even weaker smile I headed upstairs. Pausing outside Trinity’s bedroom, I took a deep breath for confidence before opening the door. Instantly hit with a wave of alcohol stink, I gagged slightly while looking around the room. Clothes were everywhere, empty bottles were strewn in every possible place, and right in the centre of it all lay Trinity spread-eagled on her bed, clothed in only a large t-shirt and lacy boy shorts. Shit, she looks terrible. Pale, weak and practically skeletal. This is not the woman I’ve grown to care so much about. I walked slowly over to her unconscious form, shaking her gently until she woke up with a groan.

“Whatdoyouwant?” she slurred, her eyes glassy.

“Get up,” I ordered.

Trinity just grunted. Wonderful.

“Get up or I’ll make you get up,” I repeated, trying to keep calm.

“Why don’t you just fuck off?” Trinity spat, her voice raspy.

This has gone on long enough. Looks like I’m going to have to do this the hard way! I rolled my eyes and yanked her off her bed, throwing her over my shoulder before she could protest. I’ve learnt to keep every body part out of biting reach and with her legs pinned she can’t kick me, so I’m all set to go.

“Zachary fucking Baker, let me the fuck down!” Trinity slurred.

“Let me think about that…” I said sarcastically, rolling my eyes.

I opened the bathroom door and dropped her unceremoniously on the floor, before locking the door behind us.

“Get in the shower,” I barked.

“What?” Trinity whined, her head lolling against the side of the bath.

“Get in the shower. Clothed or unclothed, I really don’t give a shit,” I said firmly.

“Are you fucking serious?” she mumbled, looking up at me.

“I’ll quite happily throw you in,” I shrugged, folding my arms over my chest.

Trinity looked down at her legs for a few seconds, before looking back up at me. What?

“They won’t move,” she said, confused.

With a sigh I picked her up off the floor and turned the shower on. Cold. Trinity screamed when I placed her in the shower, immediately trying to scramble out again. I growled and pushed her head against the wall, holding it there as I stripped down to my boxers, before getting in too. F-Fuck this is cold! I stuck my arms under her armpits, holding her tightly so the cold spray of the shower went of her face and body.

It’s time for Trinity to sober up.

“I hate you. I fucking hate you,” she groaned, shivering violently as we finally left the shower.

“It’s for your own good,” I said simply, drying myself with a towel.

“How the fuck is freezing to death good for me?” Trinity scowled, grabbing a towel too.

“Well it’s better than drinking yourself to death!” I retorted.

“You know nothing,” Trinity growled.

“I know that you’re hurting your sister. Peyton is tearing herself apart trying to work out how to help you! I know you’re making Alexis upset. She’s spent so much time with Johnny that it’s like she’s moved in! The only time you’re sober is when you’re at work and even then you’re sullen and cold-hearted! And all this because a guy you once dated has got engaged? What the fuck?!” I scoffed.

“I loved Mikey. I really loved him. He is the only guy I have ever loved,” Trinity said angrily.

“And this was two years ago. You could’ve stayed with him and forgotten about the search for your mom, but you didn’t. So get over yourself and stop throwing this stupid childish tantrum. Grow up, Trinity. You’re embarrassing yourself,” I said seriously.

“Then why are you still hanging around, Z? If I’m that embarrassing,” Trinity growled.

“Because deep down I know you want me here,” I said softly, cupping her face with my hand.

I kind of expected her slapping my hand away. I didn’t expect the words that next came out of her mouth though.

“Stop fucking getting involved! We are not together, Zacky, and it’s time you get that through your thick skull! I don’t care about you and I never will! You’re just a waste of my time and vagina! You are nothing to me! Nothing! Just fuck off, once and for all!” Trinity seethed.

Her words shot through me like bullets, piercing and severing every possible part of me. I’ve put in too much effort for her to really believe those words. I’ve tried so hard!

“What the fuck are you still doing in here?!” Trinity spat.

You know what? I don’t deserve to get treated this way. Not after everything that I’ve done for her. Not after putting my heart on the line every single fucking time that I see her. This is it.

“I’m done Trinity. I’m fucking done. I’ve tried so hard for you to let me into your heart but you just won’t stop being a scared little bitch. I can’t take it anymore. I give up. You win,” I said through gritted teeth.

“Yeah fucking right, Zacky. Can you even hear what you’re saying? You’ve already said you’re done a hundred times, and you never mean it. You’ll be back tomorrow with your stupid games and I’ll reject you time and time again, because you just can’t help yourself. That’s who you are,” Trinity scoffed, although her fists were still clenched angrily.

I hate how true her words reflect my behaviour. My past behaviour.

“Not this time. You’ve crossed the line with your abuse, Trinity. So get used to a shock to your chaotic little system – here’s the first guy you haven’t conquered,” I said coldly.

Trinity frowned as I walked out the door, slamming it behind me. I can’t believe I just did that. I don’t think Trinity believes I just did that. But I had to. I can’t keep doing this to myself, I’ve got to move on. I’ve got to get over Trinity Rose Hayes.