You Spurn My Natural Emotions

[Trinity]

“ I’m done Trinity. I’m fucking done. I’ve tried so hard for you to let me into your heart but you just won’t stop being a scared little bitch. I can’t take it anymore. I give up. You win,”

“I’ve tried so hard for you to let me into your heart but you just won’t stop being a scared little bitch. I can’t take it anymore. I give up. You win,”

“I can’t take it anymore. I give up. You win,”

“I give up. You win,”

“You win,”

Those words have repeated in my head all week, and I can’t take it anymore. I haven’t left my room, let alone been to work. No-one has talked to me since Zacky stormed out the house, and even Peyton has only half-mumbled things. Hell, even Alexis doesn't know what to do when we cross paths to use the bathroom! I’ve finally fucking cracked, just like everyone always said I would. I’ve got to get out of here. I’ve got to leave and start a new life that doesn’t involve Peyton, Alexis, Zacky, Matt, Brian, Johnny or Jimmy. I’ve got to go somewhere where no-one knows who I am.

All I’ve been able to feel is agony. Excruciating agony. It’s true what they say about not knowing what you’ve got until it’s gone. Without Za…him, I have nothing. I literally have nothing. And I hate it! This emptiness, this throbbing, is all because of him, and I can’t stand it for another day. I have to get out of this place, this place with so many memories.

Where can I go though? I’ve got to think quickly. I overheard Peyton inviting Matt and the rest of the guys over yesterday, and I’ve already heard people arriving, so I don’t know how long I’ve got before the house is fully occupied. Occupied with Zacky. No, I will not think of that name. I'd snuck out my room already to steal mine and Peyton’s car keys, so I had my transport. Now to pack…

“Trinity, what the fuck are you doing?”

I winced at the shriek, turning to face my sister who stood with her hands on her hips in the doorway.

“What does it fucking look like?” I shot back.

“You’re not leaving,” Peyton snapped.

“Like you fucking care,” I scoffed, turning back to my duffel bag.

“Put the fucking stuff down! You’re not going anywhere!” Peyton shouted, walking over to me.

“You are not the fucking boss of me! You have no control over what I do with my life, so just live your fucking perfect one here without me!” I said angrily, shoving her away from me.

Peyton’s eyes narrowed and before I knew it she’d punched me square in the face. I groaned and clutched at my nose as I stumbled backwards, only noticing she’d gone when my bedroom door slammed.

Bitch took my car keys. Time for plan B.

*

[Peyton]

“I hope you’re fucking happy, Baker,” I seethed, stomping into the living room.

“What the fuck did I do now?” Zacky groaned, throwing his hands up in the air.

“I had to punch my sister to get the car keys off her! She’s fucking distraught as hell!” I said angrily.

“Just because your sister is being a hormonal bitch doesn’t mean it’s my fault,” Zacky retorted.

I growled and clenched my fists, intent on teaching Zacky that no-one talks about my sister like that, until Matt stood between us. Asshole.

“Okay, let’s just calm down. Nothing good will come of fighting like this,” Matt warned both of us.

“Says the guy who throws a frying pan at the wall because he can’t find the fucking olive oil,” I muttered under my breath.

A few snickers sounded from the group until Matt glared. I sighed and sat down on his lap, relaxing into his arms. Breathe in and out, Peyton. Just calm down. Trinity’s not going anywhere now. Then Brian walked into the room, hands shoved in his pockets and an amused smile on his face.

“You never let anyone drive your car, Z,” he commented, sitting down on the sofa next to Jimmy.

“What the fuck are you on about?” Zacky asked irritably.

“Your car? Trinity just drove past me in it as I pulled in,” Brian frowned.

I froze, as did everyone else. How did she…

I ran upstairs, Matt behind me, until I opened Trinity’s bedroom door. She’s not fucking in here! And the window’s open! I can’t believe she climbed out the fucking window. I stormed back downstairs, more angry at Zacky than I ever have been before. I’m literally shaking I’m so furious.

“I left my keys in the engine,” Zacky groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Then what the fuck are you waiting for? Fucking go after her!” I shouted.

“Why should I, Peyton? After all the shit she’s pulled with me!” Zacky retorted.

“Because she’s not coming back. You know when Trinity and I had our little wrestling match a few weeks back? It started because she said she’d made plans to leave. That’s why she had our car keys – she’s been planning this for ages. Trinity’s fucking leaving, Zacky. She could die from driving while distraught or being taken advantage of because she’s so hysterical. And it’s all your fault,” I said coldly.

Zacky’s face paled, his eyes going wide. Well I think that got to him.

“Fuck, come on Brian,” Zacky ordered, getting to his feet.

“Why? And why me?” Brian asked, confused.

“One, you saw her leave. Two, your car is at the end of the driveway. Three, she has my car so I can’t drive myself and take that one back too,” Zacky shot back.

Brian held his hands up in surrender, standing up. Zacky looked once more at me before he left the room, slamming the front door behind him. Fuck, I don’t know if he’ll catch up to or if he’ll even find Trinity, but I pray to God that he does. Trinity’s volatile and vulnerable right now, and anything could happen to her. I can’t live without my sister!

*

[Trinity]

I sat down shakily outside the Greyhound bus station in Long Beach, duffel bag at my feet, my eyes flitting to Zacky’s car which I’d abandoned in the parking lot, leaving the keys on the front seat. A homeless guy can have the car for all I care. My cheeks were sticky with fresh and old tears, my nose was still throbbing slightly from where Peyton had punched me, and my knee was scraped from landing badly outside my window. I’d lowered myself from the window ledge as far as I could go, before I let go. It wasn’t too bad really. Although, I’m still shaking from crying so much, and I feel weak. So so weak. I must’ve looked like a real mess when I’d walked up to the counter and asked for a ticket on the next bus to Phoenix, Arizona. I remember passing through Tempe once – it was pretty nice there – and Phoenix is the closest stop to Tempe.

Fuck, I feel so dizzy. I can’t even remember the last fucking time I ate. What I wouldn’t do for a cigarette right now. All I can do I hug my arms around my body to keep my sanity in tact. I’ll figure out what I’m doing when I’m in Tempe. I’ll figure something out.

I didn’t even notice the stranger walk up to me until his shadow hit my face.

“You alright there pretty lady?” he asked, his voice heavy with sleaze.

“I’m fine,” I rasped, wincing at the sound of my voice.

“You don’t look it, doll face. In fact, you look like you could use some warming up,” he smirked.

“Back the fuck off, alright? I don’t want to hurt you,” I said coldly.

“Darling, I’d like to see you try,” he chuckled.

I tried to stand up to be able to swing a punch at him, but he had pushed me up against the wall and placed his hand over my mouth before I could even move. Fucking hell, this is what crying does to me! I can’t even fucking fight him back! Shit!

“Now sweetheart, you’re going to be very calm and get into the back of my car, got it?” he murmured in my ear.

Oh my God. Oh my fucking God.

“Fuck you,” I growled, although it was muffled by his hand.

“You want to repeat that, princess?” he sneered.

I bit his hand as hard as I could and screamed as loudly as I could. Fuck, I hate this girly approach to fighting, but without the use of my fucking limbs I have no choice. More tears streamed down my cheeks when I felt his rancid breath across my face.

“Bad mistake,” he spat.

I gagged a little when his saliva hit my cheeks. I-I could actually die right now, and nobody would have a clue. I could actually really fucking die. The man scowled at my lack of response and backhanded my face so hard that my head bounced off the side of the concrete shelter. I whimpered as pain shot across my skull, my vision going so blurry that it hurt to have my eyes open.

“Get the fuck off me. GET OFF ME!” I yelled, thrashing about as best as I could.

Why the fuck has no-one from inside the building come to help me? This isn’t fucking fair!

“TRINITY!”

I forced my eyes open at the sound of Zacky’s voice. Fucking great, I’m going delusional now as well. Just what I need. Delusional before death. Fucking perfect.

“Get the fuck off of my girl,”

I started sobbing as the man was ripped off me, and I sank to the ground, squeezing my eyes tight. Fuck, this is it, I’m done for. Fuck fuck fuck.

“Trinity, baby, look at me. Please,”

I whimpered and opened my eyes, more tears streaming from my eyes when I saw Zacky. Zacky!

“Y-You’re really here!” I choked.

Zacky just nodded, only making me sob harder. How did he get here? How did he find me?

“ZACKY! HE’S GOT A FUCKING GUN!”

That sounds like Brian. Wait, what the fuck?! I screamed as I saw my attacker pull out a dark silver object from his back pocket, curling into a ball again. I’m going to get shot, and I’m going to die. That’s all there is to it. Fuck, fuck, fuck, this is the most stupid idea I’ve ever had and I’m going to get fucking killed for it! Instead of hearing the sound of a gunshot, I heard a thud and then a louder thud. What the fuck?

“Trinity, it’s okay, he won’t hurt you anymore. I knocked him out cold,” Zacky reassured.

I slowly opened my eyes to see Zacky now crouching down in front of me, Brian now standing over the guy with his foot on his chest to keep him down on the ground. He’s…He’s really not going to get me! With a whimper I threw myself at Zacky, wrapping my arms tightly round his neck as my sobs got louder and messier.

“Ssh, baby it’s okay, I’m here now. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Ssh,” Zacky whispered, holding me just as tightly.

“I-I’m so s-sorry for be-being so st-stupid. I’m s-sor-ry,” I spluttered, clutching at his t-shirt.

“No, no, no, you shouldn’t be sorry. I said all that shit that wasn’t even true, Trin. I could never stay away from you. I love you too damn much,” Zacky murmured.

“You d-don’t love me. No-one l-loves a sc-screw up like m-me,” I insisted.

“That’s where you’re wrong,” Zacky smiled, brushing my hair out of my face.

I just shook my head and buried my face in his neck. I can’t believe how damn close I came to nearly dying because of one stupid fucking argument. If Zacky (well, and Brian) hadn’t been here, I would be bleeding out my existence on this cold hard sidewalk right now. I owe them my life, Zacky especially.

“Shit, Trinity, you’re bleeding,” Zacky frowned, brushing red-stained hair from the side of my head.

“Yeah, he hit me so h-hard that my head bounced off the w-wall,” I sniffed, wincing as I lifted my head to look at him.

Zacky growled, glaring over his shoulder, before looking back at me.

“Don’t ever run off like that again, do you hear me? I can’t lose you, Trinity. I can’t. I had a hunch you might try a Greyhound, but we were only going to try this one before hitting the highway. Brian nearly drove past this place, until I saw my car in the parking lot. Then I heard your scream. Jesus fuck, Trinity, don’t fucking scare me like that again,” Zacky murmured.

“I won’t,” I mumbled, resting my forehead against his.

Zacky pressed the lightest of kisses to my lips before helping me stand up, picking my duffel bag off the floor and slinging it over his shoulder.

“Hey Trin, how are you holding up?” Brian asked weakly, taking his foot off the unconscious man.

“I’m a fucking wreck, Bri. I’ve never not been able to fight off anyone before. I felt so fucking helpless,” I muttered, wrapping my arms around my body.

“Thanks to no fucking help from the workers inside,” Zacky muttered, holding me tighter.

“One woman came out just now and said they’re not allowed to get involved in ‘domestic fights’, which is what they thought that attack was, but they did call the cops. They should be here any second now,” Brian explained, although his eyes held a pissed off expression.

“Shit,” I moaned, burying my face in Zacky’s chest.

“It’ll be okay, Trin. We’re not going anywhere,” Zacky soothed, stroking my hair gently.

“I’m going to tell that woman that you’re alright and see if I can get us some free coffee,” Brian said as cheerfully as he could.

I just nodded, waiting till I’d heard him go inside to lift my head.

“Why did you run, Trinity? Where were you even going to go?” Zacky asked softly, frowning.

“I was taking the Greyhound to Phoenix, my destination being Tempe. I liked it there when we passed through once. I just needed to get out, Zacky. I couldn’t take it anymore. No-one was talking to me, even my own fucking sister didn’t know what to say. And…y-you hated me. I didn’t know what else to do,” I whispered, avoiding his eyes.

“I would never have wanted you to leave, Trinity. And I never hated you. Never,” Zacky said seriously, cupping my face to force me to look at him.

“Then why did you make me feel like such shit?” I whimpered, taking his t-shirt in fistfuls.

“Because that’s how you made me feel. Every single fucking day since I’ve met you, this is how I’ve felt,” Zacky said through gritted teeth.

This is how he’s felt? For 7 months?!

“How can you stand it? It’s horrible,” I whined.

“I held onto the hope that one day all my effort would pay off. It didn’t, but you get the point,” Zacky shrugged.

No, he’s wrong. The effort has paid off. I’ve just been too damn stupid and stubborn to accept it. All this chaos tonight has lifted that stubborn veil, and I can't believe it's taken me so long to realise what a vile bitch I've been. Without another thought I pulled Zacky down to my height, crushing my lips to his in the fiercest kiss I could muster in my pathetically weak state. Zacky moaned softly, clutching at my sides, kissing back just as fiercely. This…this is what makes everything worth it. Eventually I broke away for air, my lips slightly swollen and me slightly breathless. I swallowed heavily before opening my mouth to say the words I never thought I'd say in a million years.

“Be my boyfriend?” I whispered.

Zacky’s jaw dropped slightly, making me giggle nervously, before he grinned. Oh thank the fucking Lord.

“Fuck, I never thought it would be this way around, but fuck yes I’ll be your boyfriend,” he said happily.

I grinned so hard that it hurt, throwing my arms around his neck as he picked me up, holding me tight against his body.

“Hey guys, coffee’s ready…OH MY FUCKING GOD! FINALLY!” Brian shouted.

I blushed heavily but couldn’t force the grin off my lips as Zacky lowered me to the ground.

“Yeah, it’s taken long enough,” Zacky chuckled, sliding his arm round my waist.

“Everyone is going to freak out even more now!” Brian said excitedly.

“I should probably call them, huh?” I asked hesitantly.

“Yeah, I think that’s a good idea,” Zacky laughed.

I nudged him with my hip before following Brian into the building, the sound of police sirens filling the air. Sure, it may have been a little unorthodox, but I think I’ve done the right thing here. I deserve a chance to be happy again, right? And Zacky does too, I know that much. I know I’ll get so much shit from Peyton for being with Zacky after all this time, but I don’t care anymore, I really don’t. Any man that can save me from being possibly raped and killed is most definitely the guy that I want to spend a lot of time with. Let’s just hope that nothing gets in the way of this.