Not That Far From A Star

I think of everything that Andy and Damion have ever told me about themselves in their past and it's heartbreaking. But something I'm fighting a battle with in my head is that fact that I love them both. How this is possible, I have no fucking clue! I can assure though, that I'm having enough trouble as it is on just thinking correctly about anything anymore. I mean, yes, it is a known fact in my mind that yes, I am in love with Andy Lipshaw. As for Damion, I do have strong feelings for him but I'm not sure I can say I'm in love with him. Suprisingly, when I admit that to myself in my head, my heart breaks even more than I expect it to.

I told Andy everything that happend between Damion and I, yes, he was furious at first but then after he ran off out the window like he always does, he came back a little less cranky than when he left. Of course, that's how it always would be if I'd bring up anything about Damion before I had that encounter with him. Andy would just up and leave the room and take a little fly to get his head 'clear'. Bull shit. He just doesn't want to talk to me about anything that has anything to do with his past, including Damion. Exactly how it plays everytime, I ask a question, Andy ignores me for the longest time after coming back in from his escape out the window then finally breaks and starts becoming loving again. I finally got the strenght to ask Andy what I wanted to know today and he's not getting away this time.

"Andy! Don't you even think about going out that window just because your afraid to talk to me about Damion! Hell! Not just Damion! About anything anymore!" I yell, venom spitting out of my mouth with each word. I was angered to a point i had never been with Andy and I wasn't letting it go this time.

I stare at Andy's face, trying to read if he's about to make his escape. He clinches his jaw and looks off at something so he wouldn't have to look into my eyes. He always told me that my eyes are what broke him down. Just as he moves over towards the window, I run in the way and spread both arms out the lenght of the window, holding on the corners of the walls, making his escape a difficult one. He stops maybe 3 inches away from me. I glare up into his eyes as he shows the same glare down into mine. "Stop running away." I yell viciously in his face, getting up as close to his eyes as I can. I could feel his breath on my lips as close as I made our faces we're. It tempted me move and just kiss him then and there, but I had to stand my ground to get through to him.

He searches my face as if he's trying to find a way to get to me. After about 5 minutes of glaring, he finally looks straight into my eyes and sighs frustrated. I take a deep breath and drop my arms thinking my mission was acomplished. Wrong! I watch him walk straight over to the door and put his hand on the doorknob. I couldn't believe it. He was actually this afraid to tell me something so small. Was it that traumatizing? With him running away, I wonder if everything we've been through now actually meant anything?

"If you leave Andy. Don't bother coming back. I'm tired of always getting left in the dark because your to afraid to tell me things. You keep running away! Has everything we've been through mean nothing to you?! Has it?! Tell me now so I know I'm just wasting my time staying with you!" I yell across the room from the window I was leaning against to the door where Andy was gripping the doorknob facing the door. I let out a light sob as I fall to the floor, leaning against the wall, hugging my legs to my chest. I hear the doorknob turn slightly and I close my eyes. I knew it was all good to be true.

I hear Andy let out a frustrated sigh and then it went quiet for a few minutes. I figured he'd left. I look up with a tear streaked face, waiting to make my conclusion a fact. Then there he is still, by the door only his hands have formed fists and I could just feel the glare he was burning through the door. He was thinking to himself I'm sure, deciding if he wanted to tell me or not. As I watch him intently, I sniffile here and there and as I do, I see his hand flinch everytime. Finally after what seems like an hour, he turns around from the door and sits down in front of the door. Back to the wall, facing me. He stares into my eyes intently as I look away from him. If I look at him, I'll automatically regret everything I asked and I don't want too.

"Andy, please just tell me. I know your mad at me for what Damion and I did the other night at the dinner date. I'm sorry. I don't expect you to forgive or trust me anymore. I just need to know stuff so I'm not out in the dark anymore. You say your proctecting me from danger. I'm in more danger by not knowing what the hell is going on around here anymore!" I question while staring at the decrotive cross on the left wall of our room above the chair we set in place. I see him drop his head to look down at the floor and I then know it's safe to look forward. I hear him sigh in defeat.

"Lea, I'm not mad at you. I should be mad at myself for ever letting you go." He looks up, me letting him finally view my face for the first time from crying. I sniffle in confusion. "Excuse me?" "Don't you get it!" He answers back, yelling standing up from his seat on the floor. He comes closer to me with annoyance, grabbing my arm up and pulling me up, pressing me against the wall, slamming his fists against the wall on both sides of me. "You look exactly like her!" He says. "Look like who Andy?" I whimper, afraid of what he may do. I've never seen him so violent, more or less with me.

"Elissia. The woman that I told you that died because of me. Damion took the fall for us both and she died because of me. It was in the 19th century when we were guardians together. We fell, we took a liking to our charges and that was agaisnt the rules. Then we did some thing we shouldn't have and that's what Damion fell for. And without him around to guard her, she died and it's all my fault." He answered with anger and sorrow in his voice.

"Lea, this is all my fault." he says, voice cracking. He leans his head down to look at the floor so I wouldn't see his tears but I knew he was breaking down. I can't stand to see him like that. I pull him to me by his shirt and wrap my arms around his shoulders while his tears fill my shirt. I feel his arms finally take there place around my small waist. I sigh, annoyed with myself now for ever asking. "Andy, please tell me everything you know? Please?" I ask, lifting his face into my hands so we can both see a full view of each other. I give a quick peck on his forehead for assurance. Once I looked back into his eyes he nods slowly. I smile at how this has made me closer to him.

Right as I drop my hands to his hands he pulls me closer and we lock lips. This is something I was not expecting at all. The kiss starts out as a sweet little peck and then we grow more intense. He leans his body agaisnt mine so I'm now against the wall and his chest. This is something I do mind at all. I slowly lick his bottom lip teasingly and he of course takes the bate as always. He gently picks me up by my legs and makes me wrap them around his lower waist where I can tell he's excited. He bites my lips while pushing me even closer into the wall so there's no space whatsoever. Me of course, not being able to handle everything, lets out a moan that gets him to smile into our kiss shared. I smile back but I still continue with our kissing. He lets go of my lips for a moment and starts nibbling on my neck which both my right arms is around his neck and my left hand is pulling his head in more to my neck. I let out a moan when he bites me spot harder than the rest of my neck. He always finds it! I move his head back to my lips, where I continue our heated kiss.

As we slowly seperate from our kiss, I place my head against the wall while he places he forehead against mine. "I was not expecting that at all." I say inbetween breath's dumbly, of course a blush creeping up on my cheeks. He lifts his forehead from mine and kisses the middle of my neck and then looks into my eyes. "i was showing you that I forgive you and now you'll have to forgive me for what I'm about to tell you." I look into his eyes and press my lips against his one last time before my legs drop from around his waist and we we make our way back to sit on our bed.

"God, I need your help again.... Andy mubbles quietly, thinking I didn't hear him as he lead me to sit down. If only he knew I needed God' help as well.