So Easy To Love

I think love makes you do stupid things.

I had gone to college for a short amount of time, and in the time I took a Psychology class where we learned that love was nothing more than a chemical reaction in your brain. Pheromones, dopamine, serotonin, and plenty of other chemicals I'm sure are released giving you crazy side effects and giving you an almost euphoric feeling.

I guess that's how I felt every time I looked or thought about Oliver. The feeling wasn't always so strong, but it was always there. After Oliver kissed me things just got out of control. I couldn't look at him without thinking about that night. The feeling of longing just took over me every time I heard his voice or watched him onstage was intense. A blush was almost always spread across my cheeks and my anxiety was at an all time high. I was also growing increasingly more paranoid because I was sure people were starting to catch onto the way I looked at Oliver.

Lizzie was around every so often, usually during the night, and she never stayed for more than a few hours. It was easy to see she easily annoyed Oliver but from what I gathered they were having amazing sex and I guess that's why Oliver was keeping her around.

Tom was getting increasingly angrier with me as the days went by. Every time he would catch me in the middle of a dreamy stare or every time he would see me smile sheepishly when Oliver said something he would roll his eyes. I was getting lectures almost every night about how stupid I was being. But it was all of those chemicals that were making things hazy. I blamed love for my sudden drop into stupidity.

It's kinda like when you have a friend and she has a new boyfriend who is a total jerk and cheats on her all the time. That friend of yours will almost always believe her boyfriend over you. Something that is completely obvious to you and everyone else will be completely overlooked by this friend. When things like this happened love was the thing to blame.

And as for Oliver, well, he was only talking to me when it had to. He never went out of his way to talk to me, or even look at me for that matter, and the nickname he once so frequently used for me was replaced by my real name. It was a bit disheartening to see him almost switch personalities so quickly, but I had gotten used to it. And that might have been the saddest part. You should never get used to someone treating you like shit.

"I don't know why yeh still get tha' dumb look on yeh face wheneva yeh see 'm," Tom mumbled as we stood behind the boys at a signing. My arms were crossed over my chest and my eyes were hidden by a pair of aviators. They worked well to hide the glare I set Tom, but I was sure he knew what I was doing anyway. The best friend thing, ya know?

"Just drop it," I told him softly, but sternly. I was rarely one to get agitated easily, or even show the emotion of anger. But Tom's constant comments were beginning to get to me.

"Why?" He challenged me. I turned towards him, my eyes trailing up his chest before focusing on his eyes.

"Because I asked you to," I replied simply. "It's just getting old."

"So is yeh stupid 'lil crush," he sneered at me.

"Okay," I snapped quickly, grabbing his arm and dragging him behind the tent. There I planted my feet firmly on the ground, my arms crossed over my chest once again, and glared up at the youngest of the Sykes brothers. "What the fuck is your problem?" I hissed at him angrily. His blue eyes went wide at my tone, as well as my words I'm sure, and he just stared at me for a few long moments. His mouth kept opening and closing like he didn't know exactly how to respond to me and this only got me more angry. If he was so angry at me for all of this, he should have had an explanation for his actions right away. There should have been no hesitation on his part. But instead he was just standing in front of me, his mouth gaping open like a fish. "What? You don't have anything to say now? Or do you realize how completely unreasonable you're being?"

"I'm bein' unreasonable?" He asked incredulously, pointing at himself in an overdramatic fashion. Those Sykes brothers sure had a flair for the dramatics.

"That's what I said," I stated with a firm not of my head.

"Yer in love wiff someone who treats yeh like proper shit, Blair!" He yelled at me loudly, obviously not caring who heard. A blush quickly rose to my cheeks and I immediately regretted yelling at him and bringing this all up. It wasn't like me. How I was reacted to his statement was much more like me. "Yeh don't even see the fhings he does ta yeh! He kissed yeh an' then fucked some ofher girl the next nigh'!" He said slowly, like I wouldn't understand him if he spoke in any other manner. I wasn't sure if his intention was to make me cry, but I found myself desperately trying to hold back tears as he continued to yell at me. "How can yeh even like someone like tha'? Let alone love 'em," he scoffed.

I think it was then he noticed my reaction. His expression quickly soften as I quickly wiped the small amount of liquid that had seeped from my eyes underneath my glasses so Tom wouldn't know I was crying. But he noticed. Of course he had. And just like that he wrapped his arms around me and even though it was nearing 100 degrees that day he held me tight against my chest, unfazed by the heat. I buried my head into his chest, so embarrassed that I was crying that it just made me cry even harder. And just when I thought things couldn't get any worse, the boys finished their signing and walked around the tent only to find me standing there with my face still buried in Tom's chest, crying.

"Wha' 'appened?" I heard Lee whisper to Tom.

"Nothing," I replied, pulling away from my best friend and wiping the tears off of my cheeks.

Thankfully my aviators still covered my eyes and they all couldn't see how truly puffy and red my eyes were. I forced a wide smile onto my lips and I stood up straight, my eyes scanning each and every one of the boys as they each gave me a skeptical look. I knew they weren't going to push the subject, but I also knew they wanted to know what was wrong with me. Tom would most likely make some lie up later, but as of now they didn't have to know.

I could feel Oli's eyes burn into me as he stood there, a blank look on his face with his lips in his semi-permanent pout. I wondered what he was thinking about. I so urgently wanted to get inside of his mind at that very moment; it was crippling thought. But I didn't look his way, instead opting to just watch him from the corner of my eye.

"Well then," Matt stated slowly, a grin spreading onto his lips. "Let's get ta tha stage!" He yelled, grabbing me quickly and throwing me over his shoulder like he had done so many times before. He then began to run in the opposite direction of the tent, off to the stage where he would perform in a mere 30 minutes. I couldn't help but let a laugh bubble in my stomach and then pour out of my mouth. Matt's happiness was contagious and I was thankful he was trying to make me feel better. I was thankful for all the boys really. They quickly caught on to Oliver's cold shoulder and Tom's anger towards me and all were quick to defend and comfort me even though they weren't sure of the exact reason for each brother's actions. It was amazing to have such wonderful friends, and it was times like those I remembered whenever I thought they were too much to handle.

The band's performance went just as well as it did every other day on tour, nothing out of the ordinary happened and everything went smoothly. For me, that was wonderful. I was eternally grateful for the set going so well as I cleaned up the stage I barely noticed Oliver still standing side stage staring at me. But soon enough I could feel someone's gaze on me and I warily turned around to see his honey eyes locked on my figure.

"What?" I asked flatly.

"Nofhing," he shrugged simply, turning on his heel and walking away slowly.

And suddenly, I was thrust into the thoughts I had tried so hard to keep out of my head. The night he kissed me he said a few things that I was sure I would never forget, things that kept me up at night as his accent rang through my ears.

"I can't jus' go kissin' yeh like yer jus' some bird. I wouldn' be able ta control myself."

"I'm jus' gonna hurt yeh."

He had been so selfish that night. He had gotten what he wanted out of me; the kiss, and then decided to just cut all ties with me like that, not even bothering to ask how I felt before deciding he wasn't good enough for me. Did he even stop to think about how the kiss would affect me? Did he even bother to think about what my opinion on the whole thing was? Maybe he was right to say he would only hurt me. Because he already had, probably more than he could ever understand. The rejection was almost unbearable and I was forced to think that I was the one who wasn't good enough. And that was such a horrible feeling.

And as I lay in my bunk, my thoughts buzzing around in my head so quickly I was growing lightheaded. Truthfully, I was sick of being stuck inside my head. Not sleeping because I was awake in my own world was slowly taking its toll on me. Heavy bags hung under my eyes and I was growing more irritable by the day. Tom's snide little comments and Oliver's long stares certainly weren't helping either. So what was I going to do about it?

I sat up slowly, careful not to hit my head on the top of my bunk. I pushed the curtain open and let my legs swing over, leaving them to dangle right above where Lee was sleeping below me. I stared at the bunk across from mine- Oliver's bunk. It was late at night, or early in the morning, however you want to look at it. Everyone was sound asleep. Except for me. I wondered if he stayed up in bed like I did thinking about the kiss over and over and the things he had said to me and whether or not he regretted it all. I wondered if he even cared. I swung my legs back and forth gently, careful not to knock into the curtain of Lee's bunk and disturb him. As thoughts of Oliver not really caring about me at all I made a bold decision. I carefully hopped out of my bunk and it two small steps I was standing in front of his bunk. With a loud gulp, I moved the curtain back, only to find Oliver wide awake, his head resting on his hands that were folded behind it as he stared at the top of his bunk, his iPod on his stomach. He seemed to notice the movement out of the side of his eye, because I was sure he hadn't heard me above his iPod. He knitted his eyebrows together and removed one of his ear buds.

"Wha're yeh doin'?" He whispered. I remained quiet and hoisted myself into his bunk, causing him to scoot over till his side was pressing against the wall.

"Oliver," I whispered softly, wary of waking someone. "You can't do that to me."

"Do wha'?" He asked, propping himself up on his colorful arm to get a better look at me. He looked genuinely confused by my statement and it made me want to cry and scream at him at the same time.

"Kiss me and then treat me how you've been treating me, it's not fair!" I hissed at him harshly. And then suddenly my demeanor changed as I stared at him longer. I wanted to cry. But I restrained myself, hoping he wouldn't notice my sniffling. "It's not fair," I repeated in a much more pathetic tone.

"Yeh jus' dun understand..." he shook his head. "'s not tha' easy." I sniffled again, looking up to stop the tears from rolling down my cheeks. "Dun cry," he begged me, his hand moving up to cup my face. "Please Blair," he spoke softly, a hint of desperation in his voice.

"You have no idea," I choked out.

"Blair," he repeated my name, scooting closer to me. His face was close to mine, whether it was because of the small confines of the bunk or because he was trying to get close to me I didn't know.

"What?" I asked him, my voice low. I refused to meet his gaze, instead opting to focus on his Superman sheets. I knew if I looked into his eyes I would fall victim to anything he said.

"I meant wha' I said," he told me carefully.

"You meant it when you said what?" I grumbled, still refusing to look up at him. He grabbed my chin roughly and forced me to look at him, to which I did reluctantly.

"When I said I was no good for yeh," he whispered, pulling my face to his and kissing me softly.