So Easy To Love

I was probably insane. I'll freely admit it.

I was impossibly shy and had an anxiety problem. And I dealt with my anxiety without the meds I had taken religiously throughout middle and high school. I didn't have insurance and Xanax was too expensive to afford without it. I mostly had a handle on it but sometimes my anxiety attacks hit me fast and hard, sometimes rendering me incapacitated for a while. I also had a hankering for organizing things; Matt Kean was convinced it was OCD but I knew better. My knack for always getting things in order, even in the most stressful of situations, was a wonderful thing to have in my line of work. It was surprising, too.

At first the boys all had their doubts with me, not only because I was so young when I started this but because I could barely make it out of a conversation without blushing profusely at one point or another. They were convinced I couldn't do my job properly because of my anxiety, but were thoroughly surprised once they saw my work ethic in action. I was good at my job. I had an impeccable ability to care for the boys like I was their mother but at the same time rule with an iron fist and skillfully handle every situation thrown at me. My organizational skills were always steps ahead of everyone else.

I had to admit though, there were times when I was sure I was going to breakdown and have to quit. Unless one of the guys' girlfriends of the moment visited, I was usually the only girl on tour. And I wasn't like the usual girls you would associate with the metal scene. I wasn't covered in tattoos, I didn't have a single piercing, I couldn't out drink anyone, and for the most part my language was pretty mild. It was always a surprise when people saw me for the first time at a venue. I wasn't someone you would expect to see hanging out with the guys of Bring Me the Horizon. But I did always enjoy proving people wrong, showing them that although I wasn't anything they expected I was someone who was good to have around for more reasons than one.

"Aye, Twitchy I need 'nother marker!" Oliver called to me over his shoulder. I was standing in the shadows of the AP tent, lingering there as I watched the signing and made sure everything went okay and no one tried anything funny. I had, on several occasions, had to call security because someone wanted to either punch a band member or make-out with them. There was never a dull moment when you toured with Bring Me the Horizon.

I squinted at Oliver although there was a pair of aviator sunglasses perched on my nose and then quickly rummaged through my huge patchwork sling purse and retrieved a sharpie. I took a few steps over to where the boys were all seated and handed Oliver his marker. He smiled that impossibly adorable boyish smile and nodded once at me.

"'Fanks love," he said. I smiled sheepishly at him and started to back up without looking behind me.

I almost immediately bummed into someone and lost my balance, causing quite the ruckus and nearly toppling over Jona as I tried to regain my balance. A pair of arms wrapped their way around my waist to keep me from making a complete fool of myself and I was clueless as to who the arms belonged to until I heard a high pitched squeal from the long line of fans the words, "Ohmigod Tom!" following it.

Most of the time it was hard to comprehend that to some people the boys I had spent so much of my time with were celebrities. It usually became apparent to me at times like these, times when fans were swarming them. Or maybe when a few of us decided to walk to go watch Every Time I Die's set and some kids would just stop short, grab their friend's arm, and then point and stare like they had just saw the second coming of Christ. It was even weirder when people recognized me. The guys- I could understand their level of appeal to certain people, but me, that was something I just couldn't wrap my head around. It always threw me for a loop when I would come around during signings or after a show when they would hang out with a few fans and people automatically knew my name and even a few things about it. It supremely creeped me out and I knew for a fact it was something I would never get used to.

"Thanks," I told Tom when he finally let me go. He stood at my side smiling widely, like he had just rescued a kitten from a tree or something and I just cocked my head to the side and looked at him oddly. Tom almost always knew what I was thinking, that was something I had gotten used to. That didn't mean it didn't weird me out, but in a way I was almost happy he could read my thoughts; it saved for a lot of embarrassing conversations.

"I didn' know Oli made yeh trip ova yehself," Tom said in a low voice.

"You were in my way," I said sourly.

"Tom! Oh my God, Tom! Can you sign my shirt too?!" A girl excitedly yelled over the table to the boy I was taking to.

"There's a bird callin' for meh," Tom perked up.

"Yeh wanker, get ova 'ere!" Matt Kean called to the youngest Sykes. Tom jubilantly walked over to the girl that had been calling him and I couldn't help but giggle under my breath.

"Glad yeh fhink it's as funny as I do," Oliver grinned up at me. "Tom fhinks 'e's a fuckin' A-list celebrity or sumfin'," he rolled his beautiful hazel eyes and I felt my heart flutter from underneath my ribcage.

Oh yes, to me this was just a normal day. Over looking Bring Me the Horizon's affairs and be dazzled by even the most simplest things Oliver did. Later on in the day, after the guys had finished their set they were all back on the bus downing a few beers and relaxing after a grueling set in particularly hot weather.

"I swear I was sure I was gonna 'ave a sick up there," Oliver shook his head.

"Aye, tha' woulda been brilliant," Matt Nicholls grinned as he polished off his second beer. "Blair woulda hada heart attack," he nodded towards me. I hadn't heard him though; I was too busy completely staring at Oliver. I was usually pretty discreet about my gaping the lead singer but for some reason or another I was completely mesmerized. I preferred him right after he got off stage. The small layer of sweat that slicked his body, his normally perfect hair matted to his face, the special sort of smile that always found his lips afterwards; they were all incredible turn ons. It was times like these I was able to take in how downright adorable he was. When my thoughts were laced with him, they then tended to drift off to the fact that he didn't love me. And that I loved him. And just how terrible it really all was.

"Care Blair." Lee's voice was the one that finally got me out of my stupor. It was the silly nickname that got my attention really. My normally sunny disposition was something Lee somehow drew comparisons to that of a Care Bear, hence the nickname he had coined me with.

I shook my head lightly, immediately ridding myself of the thoughts that had plagued my mind for...I don't know how long. I blinked exactly once and then turned my eyes to where most of the band was (minus Oliver, of course). They all looked back at me curiously and suddenly I was terribly embarrassed, realizing what I had done and how everyone must've thought of me at that very moment.

"Yeh alrigh'?" Kean asked me carefully. "Yeh were proper starin' at Oli for like, five minutes while we tried ta get yeh attention." My face instantaneously turned pink and I lowered my eyes to the floor as I played with my fingers nervously.

"I must've dazed off," I said sheepishly. "I was just off in my head for a while I guess."

"'s easy to get lost in my good looks," Oliver smiled triumphantly.

"Please," Tom rolled his eyes. "If yeh weren't in some fancy band no one would like yeh 'tall."

"And if I wasn't in some "fancy band" there wouldn'tve been a bird calling yeh name today," he shot back to his brother.

"Touché," Tom nodded, a smile small playing his lips.

"You guys are all so full of yourselves," I told them.

"But you tell us when to shut up," Jona smiled.

"'nd for some reason we do so righ' quick," Lee agreed.

"Yeh good at takin' care of us, Blair," Oliver said next.

And although I should have been overjoyed to be receiving such a compliment (trust me, when someone says your good at keeping the boys of BMTH tame, you should be damn proud of yourself), I felt stupid. Because I knew to Oliver that was all I would ever be. That girl who was good at taking care of him.