So Easy To Love

"You're the best, you know that?" Josh asked right before You Me At Six was set to perform. As per usual my face flushed and my eyes found the floor. Josh beamed widely, threw his arm over my shoulder, and leaned into me slightly.

Josh and Oliver's similarities ended at the fact that they were both male, English, and the lead singer of a band. Their personalities couldn't be more different from one another and it was almost confusing to spend time with someone who wasn't exactly like Oliver. Josh was certainly more awkward than I had ever known Oliver to be. In fact, I don't think I had ever seen Oliver act awkward unless I counted watching him stand in court in a suit. Girls didn't make Oliver Sykes feel self-conscious; in fact they were something he was very comfortable with. Oliver excelled in roping in a female, it was his forte. Josh on the other hand was mildly horrible at it. He was terribly awkward in all the wrong ways and although he had the shy sweet guy thing going for him his lack of game nearly ruined it. And while Oliver was covered head to toe in colorful ink, Josh's body remained spotless. Oliver's hair was always neatly styled, while Josh's was always messily tousled.

I spent most of my time noting all of their differences. Because as much as I hated to admit Oliver was right, Josh had seemed to take a peculiar interest in me. It didn't bother me because I didn't mind being around Josh; he was totally and utterly sweet and I liked that. But being around Josh always made me feel an awful person because every time Josh did or said something sweet for/to me I couldn't help but wish he was Oliver. And then my mind would float off and wonder why he wasn't Oliver. If Josh obviously found me attractive and intriguing, why didn't Oliver feel the same way? Why would a boy who had just barely met me seem to be more romantically interested in me than someone I had known for years? It was a thought that passed through my head at the very least once a day.

"I'm not the best," I stated gracelessly, shifting my weight between each of my legs uncomfortably.

"You've gotten my band completely straightened out in the past week," he grinned crookedly.

"I haven't really done anything that amazing."

"Don't sell yourself short, love," he told me, nudging his hip against mine. "You're very good at what you do."

"Just a friend helping a friend out," I laughed apprehensively.

"You should tour with us when we're in The States too," he added casually. "Ya know, help us a little more."

"Oh I dunno," I awkwardly kicked at a rock that was near my foot and watched as it bounced off and under the stage. "Maybe if it works out with scheduling."

"We're actually doing Europe, Japan, and Australia after this," Josh told me. "You should join us then, yeah?"

"I know Bring Me the Horizon has two weeks off in-between this and their next tour. So I guess if you really wanted and needed me I could come for two weeks," I shrugged, not knowing what else to say.

I was a people pleaser. And at times it made for very bad situations. I frequently made other people happy even if that meant me being upset or uncomfortable. And it at times made me feel like a very fake person. But as far as I was concerned my job wasn't to make myself happy, it was to make others happy.

"That'd be brilliant!" He exclaimed, pressing his lips to my cheek and making my skin ignite. He grinned widely and then walked off to be with the rest of his band to get ready for their set that would start in less than five minutes. As I waited there, gnawing on my bottom lip I didn't even notice him walk up behind me and just sort of stand there waiting for me to notice him. When I didn't even so much as glance in his direction, he finally tapped me on the shoulder and nearly gave me a heart attack in the process. But that was something that habitually happened whenever I was around Oliver Sykes, so in a way I had gotten used to it.

"Yeh didn' even notice me," he grinned widely. "Yeh really must be hung up on Josh."

"Not really," I blushed. "I was just...thinking."

"'Bout 'im naked?" He wiggled his eyebrows inappropriately.

"No!" I exclaimed, my eyes growing wide and my whole body turning a light shade of pink.

"'S okay to 'ave urges, Twitchy," he threw me his famous smirk and then wrapped his arms around me from behind, placing his chin on my shoulder carefully. "'nd I guess fer a guy 'e's pretty alrigh'," he shrugged. And at that point I couldn't help but laugh, leaning forward slightly and letting my whole body shake with laughter.

"Seriously?" I asked. "Maybe you're the one with the crush on Josh."

"'e does look pretty dreamy onstage, yeah?" Oliver sighed theatrically. And I just laughed again, trying to ignore the few pairs of eyes I could feel burning into me. A small group of girls had formed on the other side of the fence we were on and if I thought the glares were bad when I was with Josh, they were about a million times worse now that Oliver was practically on top of me.

I only watched a few songs of You Me At Six's set before walking off side stage to make my way to the bus. The boys were set for a photo shoot later in the day and I had to make sure everyone was still on time and everything was still going according to plan. Just as I had exited the safe spot behind the barrier, the group of girls I had seen out of the corner of my eye before quickly descended upon me.

"Hey," the blonde one piped up first. There was three of them, two blonde and one brunette. One of them looked oddly familiar and I just shrugged it off as everyone at these sort of shows having essentially the same look. They all looked to be about 18 years old and were all pretty cute. Immediately I knew what they were going to ask me and I just hoped I could speed walk to the bus area quick enough to avoid their prying questions.

"Hi," I stated uncomfortably, eyeing them all as I continued to walk straightened.

"I'm Kelly," she smiled. "And that's Bianca and Lucy," she pointed to the other blonde and brunette respectively and I gave them a pathetic sort of wave as a sort of hello.

"I'm Blair," I gave a half smile.

"That's a cute name," Lucy smiled.

"Thanks," I nodded. They were silent and I temporarily thought they would just walk away or I would be able to get away before they started to speak to me anymore, but I couldn't be more wrong.

"So, are you like, dating Oli Sykes?" Bianca asked me.

"Uh, no," I laughed uncomfortably.

"What about Josh Franceschi?" Kelly pressed on.

"No."

"So why were you with them?"

"I manage Bring Me the Horizon."

"Ohmigod, really?! That's so awesome!"

"Yeah."

"Listen," Lucy began in a low voice. "I know this is like, totally weird and I bet you get this all the time but- do you think you can set up something where I can talk to Oli?" She asked me slowly, her nose scrunched up as she tried desperately to look endearing. I gave her a short sort of quick look that I was sure got the point across that it was never going to happen and she looked at her friends for support for a quick second before turning back to me. I glanced forward and noticed I was nearly by the buses and silently thanked my legs for moving so quickly. "I slept with him last time he was here and I just, I lost his number and I was just hoping to see him," she blurted out.

And I stopped in my tracks.

I turned to look at this girl, Lucy, slowly. She was a brunette who reached about 5'6 with long legs and a flat stomach. Her short hair was curled to perfection and seemed to be mostly frizz free even in the ridiculous heat, her plump lips had a fresh coat of gloss over them, and her perfectly round cheeks were set high on her face leading you to her gorgeous green eyes. She had a button nose and long eyelashes. She was really quiet pretty and I felt my heart drop into my stomach. That's why she looked familiar. I remembered her. Oliver had met her outside of the venue before the show and when he came back on the bus he couldn't stop talking about the "gorgeous bird" he had met outside. She had come back onto the bus after the show for a quick fuck and I never saw her again. I remembered her trying to be painfully nice to me though, like I would be her in or something.

Contrary to popular belief, Oliver wasn't always like that. He didn't bring every pretty girl he saw back onto the bus. So when I saw her climb the stairs behind him that night, their fingers sloppily laced together, I knew there had to be something about her that caught his interest. And that, in turn, made me exceedingly jealous. It was a natural emotion as far as I was concerned, and I felt it a lot when I saw Oliver with other girls. Because then I involuntarily began to compare myself to them and pin point every single one of my flaws.

She smiled at me hopefully and I think me stopping dead in my tracks led her to believe that I was going to tell her yes or maybe even bring her backstage at that very moment, but I wasn't going to do either of those things.

"No," I told her bluntly. Her eyes immediately got wide, as did her friend's, and then she glared.

"What do you mean no?" She asked me, a nasty tone suddenly replacing her sugar sweet voice.

"I mean no," I stated at boldly as possible. "I hear this too many times a day to believe you."

"But I met you!" She insisted. And I knew she wasn't lying but I wasn't going to let her know that. I wasn't going to just grab her hand skip with her back to the bus where she would then reunite with Oliver. I knew that he would probably never remember her himself, and if he did he would most likely find it weird she had tried to get in contact with him again, but I couldn't risk anything. And her confidence just oozed out of her pores. It was hazardous.

"I don't remember you, I'm afraid," I apologized as I started to walk again. She jogged to keep up with the pace I was walking at and continued to pester me.

"You have to remember me! Oliver told me to meet him next time he came around," she insisted.

And suddenly Tom appeared, like God had opened up the skies and just let him float down to save me. He was walking out of the bus area and when he saw me surrounded by the three girls he arched his eyebrows and sent me a dubious look. I in turn sent him a pleading look of my own and he caught up, jogging up to me and waving obnoxiously.

"Blair!" He called out.

"Oh thank God, I bet Tom remembers!" I heard this Lucy chick gloat to her friends.

"Tom," she smiled when he finally caught up to us. "You remember me, don't you?"

He gave her the up and the down, and then quite a nasty look and scoffed, "No." I didn't know if he was telling the truth or not, but either way I was appreciative for his response. I wasn't able to be as audacious as that.

Lucy's jaw nearly dropped, "I met you last time you were here!" She exclaimed.

"Sorry," he shrugged. "I was jus' out ta get Blair anyway. If you'll excuse us." And we walked through the gate to get to the buses and the girls were stopped by security. "So what's 'er story?" He asked finally.

"She fucked Oliver last time we were here," I said lowly, tears welling up in my eyes.

I was a baby, really. But things like that just hurt so badly. Because I wasn't like that girl. And that's what Oliver liked. And I knew I could never be like that and it killed me. Thinking you don't matter or aren't good enough were both atrocious and terrible things to think and both thoughts passed my mind every single time I laid eyes on Oliver. It just wasn't fair. My life wasn't supposed to be like this. I was nearly 23 and had only had one previous boyfriend. I wasn't supposed to fall in love with someone who didn't love me back. And I wasn't supposed to fall so hard.

And sometimes those thoughts were just too much to take sober.