Fiction

“JIMMY!” He shouted. Gosh, I must admit he was a master of torture.

“NO!” I threw myself to Brian and I grabbed his arm.

“I knew it!” He said as I begged him to shut up.

“Please….” I calmed down.

“Jimmy, Jimmy!” He even sang while he pronounced Jimmy’s name

“AH! Fucker!” I slapped him. He gasped and then he glared at me and stood up. He was furious. I looked up at his face with fear, he was so big…

“Listen to me and listen well….” He whispered and I just stood there not knowing how to react. “Even though I told him he would NEVER look at you.”
After I heard Brian’s words I felt tears in my eyes. I wouldn’t have made such a big deal out of it but I always had problems when it came to self esteem.
When he noticed he had hurt me he backed off and calmed down. I looked away holding back some tears.
“Ugh… I’m sorry. I didn’t want to hurt you. I’m sorry.” He was now worried. He grabbed my arm and I pulled away.
“Don’t touch me Brian…” I said in a low voice.
“Please, I’m sorry…” He said once again.
“Don’t be. You were just telling the truth…” I wanted to cry so bad, but I wouldn’t let him see me crying.
“No, No, I…” I cut him off before he could finish talking.
“Just do not tell him…” I turned back and walked away.
“I won’t.” I heard him saying.

I was not feeling well after the incident with Brian. I knew he didn’t mean to hurt me. He was just really stupid. He actually reminded me about my brother, always saying bullshit…I knew they didn't mean to hurt me, But those kinds of things affected me, a lot. I dealt with low self esteem problems since I was 15 and I went through so much shit just because of that.

After twenty minutes I decided to leave. I walked up to Jimmy to tell him I was leaving. He looked at me and smiled.

“Bye Jimmy.” I said and I smiled at him.
“Awww, Are You living? Why?” he asked a little disappointed.
“I need to work on some stuff.” Liar…I was lying to Jimmy… great…
“Hum… Okay. But I need to see you later! I will call you then.” He was such a sweetheart and a great friend.
I said goodbye to the rest of the guys, and then Jimmy walked me to the front door.
“Bye Jimmy. Thanks a bunch!” I pulled him into a hug and I smiled.
“Don’t thank, this is your house, you can drop by anytime.” He hugged back and the he kissed my cheek. I started blushing so I covered my cheeks with my hands. He gave me and awkward look.
“What are you doing?” He chuckled.
“Oh… I.. I think… well, my cheeks hurt….” **FAIL!** Jimmy laughed.
“Well, hope They get better then!” I nodded and smiled at him. He smiled back and he closed the door. I rushed inside my car and then I smashed my head against the steering wheel. “Stupid, Stupid Me…” I said to myself. I sighed and then drove to Kelsey’s place. I found Brian there. He behaved, not nice, not rude, just…behaved. He left before I did and I talked to Kels for about an hour or two. Then I went home.

When I got home I threw the keys on the coffee table. I headed to the kitchen but when I was walking I stopped in front the window. I could see my reflection in the glass. “He will never look at you.” I heard Brian’s words inside my head.
I stared at my reflection “Eww…You fat bitch. Fat, fat, fat, as you always have been, FAT!” I heard that fucking voice inside my head….once again, that voice that hunted me since I was 15 years old and made my life a living hell.
I turned back and instead of going inside the Kitchen I rushed into the bathroom. I fell down on my knees in front of the toilet; I held my hair back with one hand and then I stuck my fingers deep inside my throat…

The pain I felt inside of me was awful. I knew that people would never understand why I did that to myself but it was an illness. It seemed so easy to start eating as a normal person or to stop throwing up, but it was not. It destroyed me to know that what I saw in the mirror was something different from what people saw. Sometimes I wished I could pull out my eyes and get somebody else’s vision to realize how wrong I was…..

Ten minutes later I flushed the toiled and washed my hands and brushed my tooth. I opened the door and walked inside the living room. I sat on the couch and started crying in silence as I always did. Suddenly I heard my cellphone ringing. I took it out of my pocket and looked at the screen. “Jimmy Calling…” I read and I wiped the tears off my face. I took in a deep breath and answered.

“Hey!” He said excited.
“Hi J..Jimbo..” I said as I tried to sound perfectly normal. I sniffed.
“What the fuck? Are you crying woman?” he sounded worried. I closed my eyes and bit my lip before answering.
“N..No..” LIAR! I was lying to him once again.
“What’s wrong? Spill woman…” He knew there was something wrong with me.
“Nothing, I’m fine. I swear Jimmy!” I faked a little laughter just to sound a bit better.
“That’s not true. I’m on my way. Hold on ten minutes.”
“NO! NO! I’m…” He hung up before I could finish. “Fine?...” I threw my cellphone against the sofa.
“Now, I’m Screwed….” I said to myself and started crying once again.