Tumors And Hearts

Xx-shannon-xX

I woke up the next morning feeling like shit. I didn’t want to get out of bed, or even move for that matter. I just wanted to stay in bed and hold onto Nikki forever.

My arms tightened around her sleeping body, pulling her even closer to me. I finally opened my eyes and looked her over. I guess there were signs that she was dying; you just had to pay attention.

She had slowly been losing more and more weight – I could feel her ribs now whenever I hugged her. Her hair was thinning and I think her skin was slowly getting paler. Her dark brown eyes that shined so bright were getting dimmer and dimmer as time went on. She was so happy when I first met her, but she’s been getting depressed more and more and I couldn’t believe I never realized it. And her headaches. I should have known there was something going on when she kept hurting her head. Now that I was thinking about it, I remembered all the times when she would grab her head and try to make it seem like nothing.

How could I be so blind?

“Stop watching me sleep.” Nikki suddenly said, rolling over to face away from me. “Creeper.”

I quickly wiped at my eyes while she was turned the other way. “I can’t help it.” I said trying to keep my voice even. “You’re just so beautiful.”

She rolled over so that she was facing me again. “Liar.” she said smiling.

I moved a piece of her hair that had fallen in her face and kissed her. I kept my eyes closed for a few seconds after we broke apart to make sure I wouldn’t cry. If Nikki wasn’t going to cry then neither was I. I was going to be strong… for Nikki…

“It’s okay to cry.” she said as if reading my thoughts. “I did when I first found out.”

“I’m fine…”

She looked at me with sadness in her eyes. It made it that much harder not to break down.

“I love you Shannon.”

“I love you too Nikki.”

I let her wrap her arms around me and bury her head in my chest. “It’ll be okay Shannon… I promise.”

“How can you promise something like that?” I asked her. “You’re dying and I have less than three months left with you!”

She sat up and shrugged her shoulders. “I don’t know…” I wasn’t the only one trying not to cry now.

I sat up and wrapped my arms around her small body. “I’m sorry.” I whispered in her ear as she started to cry. “I didn’t mean to freak out like that.”

She wiped at her eyes before getting out of bed. “I have to go.” she said. “The girls are probably wondering where I am.”

“Okay…”

I walked her to the door and gave her one last hug. She was almost out the door when I thought of something.

“Hey... can I tell Matt and Jeff?” I asked. “They have a right to know too. They really care about you.”

She turned around to look at me. “Go ahead.” she sighed before continuing on her way.

Once she was gone I headed into the bathroom to take a shower. I turned on the water and waited until it was steaming hot before stepping in. I finally let myself breakdown. I sank down to the floor of the shower and let myself cry. I stayed in the shower until all the hot water had run out. I was so lost in thought I don’t know how long I was in the freezing cold water.

I finally snapped out of my thoughts and shut off the water. I sat there for another few minutes, trying to pull myself together, before getting out of the shower. I wrapped a towel around my waist and headed out to my empty room.

My phone was lying on the bedside table. I grabbed it and called Matt. He picked up after a three rings.

“Hey Shannon, what’s up?”

“Hey.” I said in as calm of a voice as I could.

“Are you okay man?” Matt asked. “You sound terrible.”

“I-I need to talk t-to you and J-Jeff.” I said trying not to cry. “Can y-you guys c-come down h-here?”

“Yeah, we’ll be down there right away.”

I ended the call and tossed my phone on my bed. I put a clean set of clothes on and had just put my hat on when there was a knock on the door.

“It’s open!” I called plopping down on my bed.

Matt and Jeff came in, both wearing looks on concern on their faces.

“You look terrible Shannon.” Jeff said as he and Matt sat down on the bed across from me. “What happened?”

“Nikki…” I had to resist the urge to cry. “Nikki…”

“What happened?” Matt asked. “Did you guys break up?”

I shook my head and tried again. “Nikki…Nikki’s dying.”

Cue silence.

“What?” Matt and Jeff said at the same time.

“Sh-she’s dying.” I said again as the tears spilled over and ran down my cheeks. “Sh-she has a-a b-brain t-tum-mor and sh-she’s slowly d-d-dying.”

“You’re lying.” Jeff said. “You have to be!”

I shook my head. “I wish I was.” I said wiping at my eyes. “Sh-she just told me l-last n-night.”

“How long does she have to live?” Matt asked as Jeff started crying.

“Less than three months.” I said.

“But… she… can’t…” Matt was crying now too.

Xx-nikki-xX

I was attacked as soon as I walked through the door to my apartment.

“Nicolette Jane Carter!” Ashley yelled at me. “Where have you been?!”

“We’ve been so worried about you!” Manda said. “The least you could do is answer your phone!”

“Sorry.” I said plopping down on the couch between Jamie and Lauren. “I was busy.”

“Doing what?” Jamie asked.

“Talking to Shannon.”

“What could you and that boy be talking about that is so damn important?” Manda asked.

“I told him about my tumor.”

Cue silence.

“How’d he take it?” Lauren asked.

“Not well.” I sighed. “He cried. A lot.”

“Poor Shannon.” Manda said.

“Yeah...” I said getting up and heading to my room. “We should probably start getting ready. We’re going to have to leave soon.”

About three hours later Manda, Lauren, Jamie, and I pulled into the parking lot of the arena we would be wrestling in that night in Rockford, Illinois. Ashley was going to come with us but was called into work at the last minute. So now it was just the four of us.

“Hey Manda,” I said pulling her aside as Jamie and Lauren headed for the arena. “Can I talk to you for a sec?”

“Sure. What’s up?”

“I let Shannon tell Matt and Jeff about my tumor.” I told her. “I figured you might as well tell Chris and Alex.”

“Are you sure?” she asked.

I sighed. “Alex and Chris are some of my closest friends in TNA. They have a right to know.”

She nodded and we headed for the arena together. We were on our way to the locker room when we ran into Matt and Jeff.

“Hey, can we talk to you?” Jeff asked.

“Sure.”

“Here come Chris and Alex.” Manda said as they came around the corner. “I guess I’ll tell them now.”

I watched her meet then halfway down the hall and drag them back around the corner. I inwardly sighed before turning to face Matt and Jeff. They both looked so sad.

“Shannon told you.” It wasn’t a question but they nodded anyway.

“You really are dying?” Matt asked.

I nodded, unable to speak.

“Why didn’t you tell us sooner?” Jeff asked.

I shrugged my shoulders before completely breaking down. Jeff rushed to my side and wrapped his arms around me in a tight hug. I leaned against his chest as I let the tears roll down my cheeks. I felt someone’s hand gently rubbing my back and knew it was Matt. It took me a few minutes to stop crying. Even when my tears had stopped Matt and Jeff didn’t let me go.

“Are you gonna be okay?” Matt asked when I finally pulled away from them.

“I’m gonna have to be.” I said.

“We’re here if you need to talk.” Jeff said.

I nodded and made up an excuse to leave. I wanted to be alone.

So much for that plan.

“Nikki!”

I was just about to step outside the back of the building when I heard Alex call my name.

“Hey.” I said turning to face them.

“It’s not true,” said Chris as they caught up to me. “Is it?”

“It is…” I said looking down at my feet.

They both looked so sad.

“Why did you wait till now to tell us?” Alex asked.

“I don’t know.” I said as tears filled my eyes for the third time that day.

I fell to my knees with my head in my hands, crying. I felt a pair of arms wrap around me and looked up to see Alex kneeling down next to me. Unable to think of anything to say, I just let myself cry. I don’t know how long we stayed like that, but it seemed like a long time. When I felt like I didn’t have any more tears to cry I wiped my eyes and stood up. Alex still had one of his hands on the small of my back – probably worried I might collapse again.

Chris wrapped his arms around me and I let him hug me for a few minutes before stepping out of his arms.

“I need to find Shannon.” I said wiping at my eyes.

“Does he know?” Chris asked.

I nodded. “I just told him last night.”

“He must have taken it pretty hard.” Chris said.

I nodded again. “I have to go.” I said before walking away.