Tumors And Hearts

Xx-nikki-xX

A tear rolled down my cheek as I pulled my Jack Skellington skull cap over my thin, thin hair. I wiped it off the incredibly pale skin on my face before walking out of my bathroom. I turned off the light behind me and plopped down on my bed. The calendar hanging on the wall by my window made me want to ball my eyes out even more.

November 2nd. Three months had passed since I had received the news that I was going to die. I had one month left, give or take a few days.

I couldn’t stand to be alone in my room. I jumped off my bed and flung my door open. I walked across the living room area of the apartment and opened the door to Ashley’s room without knocking. Bad idea.

“Ashley, what’s wrong?” I asked.

She quickly sat up in her bed and wiped away the tears that had been streaming out of her eyes. “Nothing.” she said. “I’m fine.”

“No you’re not.” I said sitting down on the edge of her bed. “What’s wrong?”

She hadn’t looked me in the eyes until then. Our eyes locked and she burst out crying. “I don’t want to lose you!” she exclaimed throwing herself on me. “You’re my best friend! You can’t die!”

I started crying now too. I didn’t know what to do or say so I just held my best friend and cried with her. After a while my head started hurting. I grabbed it without even thinking.

Ashley jumped up. “I’ll go get you something for your head.” she said hurrying out of the room.

Xx-ashley-xX

I walked into the kitchen and found Dixie leaning against the counter. Her head was in her hands.

“Are you okay Dixie?” I asked.

She looked up with a surprised look on her face. “Oh, hello Ashley.” she said. “Yes, I’m fine… I just…”

Her phone was lying on the counter next to her. The calendar app was open and the date read November 2nd.

“You saw the date too.” I said. “And you know what it means.”

She nodded before bursting into tears. I didn’t know what to do, so I gently patted her on the shoulder.

“I don’t want to lose my niece!” she cried. “God, please don’t take her from me!”

I wiped away the tears that started spilling from my eyes again and continued to pat Nikki’s aunt on the shoulder. Her phone started going off and we both looked at it. Manda was calling.

Dixie looked from the phone to me and back again. She wiped the tears from her face and took a deep breath before answering it. I grabbed the bottle of pain killers out of the medicine drawer and headed out of the kitchen to give Dixie some privacy.

Xx-dixie-xX

“Hello Amanda.” I said in as calm of a voice as I could.

“Hi Dixie.” she said.

Silence.

“Did you need something dear?” I asked.

“Um… I just wanted t-to talk… h-how are you?” she asked.

“I’m doing okay…” I lied. “How about you?”

I heard a sigh and then it sounded like she was crying. “I’m scared Dixie.” Amanda said at last.

“You saw the date too.” it wasn’t a question, but she answered anyway.

“Yes!” she said. “I-I don’t want to lose her!”

“I know how you feel honey.”

“She’s my best friend in the wrestling business! What am I going to do without her?”

I sighed. “I don’t know Amanda.” I couldn’t keep talking to her about this. “Listen, I have to go now. Take care, okay?”

“Okay.” she sniffed. “Bye Dixie.”

“Goodbye Amanda.”

Xx-manda-xX

I pressed the end call button on my phone and tossed it down on the couch I was sitting on. I curled up in a ball and let the tears fall freely. I ended up crying myself to sleep. I took a nap full of nightmares where I lost Nikki. Every time she would die in a more gruesome way than the last…

The door of my apartment slammed shut and I jolted awake. I must have been crying in my sleep because my face was still very wet. I quickly wiped it dry with the sleeve of my hoodie as Chris sat down next to me. He looked depressed.

“You saw the date.”

He nodded and a tear slid down his cheek. I hugged him and we both started crying. Chris had been one of Nikki’s very first friends in TNA. He even met her before I did.

“I don’t want her to die!” he cried.

That just made me cry even harder. “Me either!”

Chris’s phone started going off and we saw that Alex was calling. He took a deep breath before answering it. He wasn’t on very long; he hung up after a few minutes and turned to look at me.

“Alex sounded really depressed.” he said. “I need to go see him and make sure he’s okay.”

I nodded and gave him another quick hug. We stood up and I walked him to the door.

“Everything will be okay.” Even I knew I was lying when I said it.

Xx-chris-xX

Alex was already waiting at the door to his apartment when I got there. I followed him inside and shut the door behind me. He turned around to face me, an embarrassed look on his face.

“I’m sorry.” he said.

“What?” I asked in confusion.

“I’m sorry.” he repeated. “I wasn’t going to call you…but I didn’t know what else to do…”

“You saw the date.”

He nodded and a few tears spilled out of his eyes and rolled down his cheeks. We would always joke that we’re too manly to hug, but I quickly pushed all those times aside and wrapped my arms around my best friend. “It’ll be okay, Patrick.” I said using his real name.

I heard him sniffle and he looked up at me. “No it won’t.” he said wiping away his tears. “She’s dying! And no one’s been able to find a cure! I don’t want to lose her! I still love her!”

I sighed as a fresh wave of tears came streaming out of his eyes. “I don’t know what to say Pat…”

“I know, but I’m just glad you’re here for me right now.”

Slowly, I led Alex over to the couch in the living room area of his apartment. I watched him plop down on the couch, almost lifelessly, and grab a pillow. He hugged it to his chest as I sat down next to him. It was quiet for a few minutes; I couldn’t think of what to say that wouldn’t make things worse. I grabbed the remote off the coffee table and turned on the TV. The music video for Stereo Hearts by Gym Class Heroes was playing on Fuse.

We didn’t talk. The only sound that filled the apartment was the music videos playing on the TV. Even though we weren’t talking, I couldn’t leave. I wanted to be there for Alex in any way I could.

A few hours later, when I thought Alex had fallen asleep, his phone started going off. I was about to grab it when Alex’s arm snaked out from the lump on the couch that was him and grabbed his phone.

Xx-alex-xX

‘Angelina Lurrrrrrrrrv’ it read on my phone when I checked to see who was calling. A lot of people didn’t know just how close the two of us were.

“Hey Lauren.” I said trying to sound calm.

“Hey Pat.” she said. “H-how are you?”

I sighed. No use lying to someone who knew me as well as she did. After all, we used to date. “Not so good.” I said.

“Is it Nikki?”

“Yes.” Tears filled my eyes again, threatening to spill over.

“Did you see the date?”

“Yes.” I whispered again before crying again.

I buried my head in the pillow I was hugging to try to cover up the sound.

“That’s why I was calling you.” Lauren said.

“I can’t believe this is happening.” I mumbled into the pillow.

“Me either.” She was crying now. “I don’t want to lose her Alex! We just got close!”

“I know… I don’t want to lost her either…”

I heard a door open and close in the background. There were some muffled voices in the background and I heard Lauren scream “NO!” followed by hurried footsteps fading away. Someone picked up the phone as a door slammed shut.

“Hey Alex, it’s Jamie.”

“Hey.”

“Lauren’s pretty upset… I don’t really think she’s up to talking right now…”

“I know how she feels.” I said. “Give her a hug for me?”

“I will. Bye Alex.”

“Bye.”

Xx-lauren-xX

“Lauren!”

I slammed the door shut to my room as Jamie tried to talk to me. I backed against the door and slid down to the floor. Hugging my knees to my chest, I broke down crying. I knew Nikki was dying, but I just didn’t want to accept it.

There was a soft knock on the door I was sitting against. “Lauren?”

“Go away!” I yelled at my best friend.

“Lauren, please listen to me.” she said.

“NO!” I yelled for the second time.

I wiped at my eyes and my hands were covered with makeup. My face was probably just as bad, but I didn’t care.

“Lauren-”

“Did you not see the date?” I yelled cutting her off. “It’s fucking November 2nd! Nikki only has one month left to live!”

It got dead silent on the other side of the door.

Xx-jamie-xX

I looked at the calendar that was hanging in Lauren’s kitchen and saw the date. I hadn’t even realized what today was until just then.

My breath caught in my throat and I suddenly felt lightheaded. I clutched the kitchen counter for support as my legs gave out on me.

“Breath Jamie… breath… just breath… that’s it… breath…”

I took several deep breaths once I remembered how. I slowly lowered myself to the ground and spread out on the cold tiled floor. I reached into my pocket and grabbed my phone. Lauren wouldn’t talk to me, so I figured I would call someone else. I scrolled through my contacts and called a random number without even looking to see who it was.

After a few rings, I heard Matt Hardy’s voice coming through the phone.

“Hey Jamie.” he said.

“Hey Matt.”

“Did you want something?”

“Yeah… I need someone to talk to…”

“Okay, what’s up?”

I took a deep breath and started crying before I could stop myself.

“Jamie? What’s wrong? Why are you crying?”

“I feel terrible Matt!” I said through my sobs. “I didn’t even realize what today was! I came over to hang out with Lauren and she was upset about Nikki and I told her to calm down and she got mad at me! And I didn’t know why until she told me it’s already November 2nd!”

“Calm down Jamie.” Matt said. “I know. It really bothers me too that she only has one month left. You shouldn’t feel bad about not knowing. Shannon’s totally avoiding calendars all together! Beth was actually chasing him around with one last night!”

I let out a small laugh.

“There, I got you to laugh.” he said. “Feel better?”

“A little…” I said.

“Good. Now why don’t you go try to get Lauren to come out of her room? Maybe the two of you could go out and do something to get your minds off of today.”

“Okay. Thanks Matt.” I said smiling.

“No problem. I’ll talk to you later.”

“Bye.”

Xx-matt-xX

I hung up the phone and tossed it down on the couch next to Reby’s sleeping body. Sitting next to Reby, also sleeping, was Beth. Reby and I had gone over to Jeff’s for a movie night and both women had fallen sleep after the first half hour of The Help – which is the movie they bullied us into watching.

The credits were rolling on the TV. I shut it off and went outside to join Jeff. I watched from the porch as he played with Ruby. I wondered if she would remember Nikki when she died. She had only met her a few times when Shannon would baby sit and Nikki was with him. Ruby would never get to know Nikki the way we did…

Jeff saw me and waved. He caught up Ruby in his arms and headed over towards me. I tried to smile, but couldn’t.

“You okay?” my younger brother asked me.

I nodded, not trusting myself to speak, and gently patted Ruby on the head. I pulled my phone out of my pocket to check the time. I couldn’t stop myself from looking at the date on the right hand side of the screen. A single tear rolled down my cheek. I tried to hide it but knew I failed.

“I think Reby and I are gonna head out.” I sniffed. “It’s, uh, getting late.”

“Matt, what’s wrong?” Jeff asked.

“Nothing.”

“You’re crying.”

“No, I’m not.”

“Matt.”

“Jeff.”

I sighed. “Do you know what the date is?”

Jeff gave me a confused look before shifting Ruby to his left arm and pulling out his own phone. “It’s November 2nd.” he said.

It took a few seconds before a look of comprehension showed on his face. It quickly turned to one of sadness.

“Nikki…”

I nodded again. “She only has one month left.”

“I completely forgot.” he said. “I feel terrible now.”

“Matt?”

The two of us turned to see Reby standing in the doorway.

“Hey baby.” I said walking over and standing next to her. I wrapped an arm around her shoulders and kissed her on the forehead.

“Are you guys okay?” she asked.

“Yeah.” Jeff and I said at the same time.

She didn’t look convinced. “Okay…”

“Ready to go?” I asked changing the subject.

“Yup.” she turned around and started heading back into the house. “Let’s go.”

“Bye Jeff.” I said giving him an ‘it’ll be okay’ look.

“Bye Matt. Bye Reby.” he said nodding.

“Bye Jeff!” she called over her shoulder. “Bye Ruby!” she called in a baby voice.

Xx-jeff-xX

I watched them leave. I made sure they were gone before letting a few tears fall. Ruby playfully swatted at my face and wiped away my tears. I kissed her on the cheek and decided it was time to put her down for bed.

Being quiet so I wouldn’t wake Beth, I carried Ruby to her room and went through our nightly routine. By the time I finished reading her a bedtime story she was fast asleep. I kissed her on the forehead and pulled her blanket over hear sleeping body. I slowly and quietly headed out of the room, shutting off the light as I went. I closed the door behind me and sprinted to my room.

I hurriedly grabbed my keys and wallet off my dresser and ran out of the house, making sure to be quiet when I passed by Beth’s still sleeping body. I got in my truck and sped out of the driveway. In less than five minutes I was out of the house and on my way to Shannon’s.

If everyone else was upset about the date, then Shannon had to be a wreck.

Normally it took about 25 minutes to get to Whispering Pines. I was going so fast I got there in 13. There were a few times when almost crashed but I didn’t care. I needed to be there for my friend.

It took me probably another 5 minutes to get to Shannon’s house from there. I recklessly pulled into his driveway and threw it in park. I jumped out of my truck and ran to the door. I pounded on it a gazillion times and didn’t stop until I heard Shannon call that he was coming.

Xx-shannon-xX

I was lying on one of the couches in the living room when there was suddenly an urgent pounding on my front door. I looked at the time and saw that it was really late. I wondered who could be here this late as I got up and headed for the door.

“Coming!” I called.

I quickly wiped at my face and tried to get rid of any tears that were still there.

The pounding continued until I opened the door. The first thing I saw was Jeff. The second thing I saw was his truck. It looked like he had parked in a hurry. It wasn’t even on the pavement and it was less than a foot away from knocking over my mailbox.

“Shannon…” he looked like he didn’t know what to say.

“Hey Jeff.” I sniffed. “Wanna come in?”

He nodded and I stepped aside for him to come in. I shut the door behind him and led the way back into the living room. I plopped back down on the couch and curled up under the blanket Nikki gave me. Jeff sat down on the couch across from me. He looked very sympathetic, which made me think I looked as bad as I felt.

“You, uh, saw the date?” Jeff asked.

I snorted. “Of course I saw the date.”

It was quiet for a few minutes before I just couldn’t take it anymore. I broke down crying for the millionth time that day.

“Shannon…”

“I don’t want to lose her Jeff!” I cried. “I love her so much! I don’t know what I’ll do without her!”

“I don’t know what to say Shannon.” he said scratching the back of his neck. “Maybe you would feel better if you talked to Nikki about it…”

“NO!” I yelled looking him dead in the eye. “She can’t know I’m like this!”

“Why not?”

“I don’t want her to worry about me Jeff! She’s the one suffering! I don’t want her feeling back for me when she has to deal with that fucking tumor!”

Jeff sighed. “I hate seeing you like this Shannon.”

I pulled the blanket over my head and continued to cry.

“That’s not what I meant.” Jeff said pulling the blanket away. “Look, why don’t you come and stay with me tonight?”

“I don’t want Beth to see me like this…or Ruby.”

“They won’t mind, and they’re already asleep.” he pushed. “Please Shannon? I don’t want to leave you like this.”

I finally gave in. “Okay.” I said sitting up. “But just for tonight.”