You're Living a Lie, You Just Can't Hide From Me

Natalie reread the six words over and over again, unsure what he meant by that.

She was embarrassed and ashamed of what was about to happen with John and she felt so foolish. This was a little too much for her to handle and she didn’t even know where to start. These boys were nothing that she was used to. Garrett was such a gentleman, and really cared about her… John could have had her right then and there, but he didn’t. She had just expected him to take her up on the offer. He was a better person than she was used to. Than she expected.

All she could do was sit there, and ponder her actions.

She frowned, throwing on a pair of sweatpants and an old t-shirt. What was she going to do?

It wasn’t as if she was trying to be a slut. A part of her really had wanted John anyway… This wasn’t about him though, and honestly, it wasn’t really about Garrett either. Natalie needed to be okay before she could have someone else. All of the self hate and the feeling of unworthiness was something she’d never totally conquered and she needed to know that she was perfect as she was.

Still, the only person who’d actually made her feel okay with herself was Garrett. He had never judged her, had always been patient and careful… and now, he was asking her to save him. But she was the one who really needed the saving.

She didn’t realize how long she’d been sitting on her bed, staring at Garrett’s note until Alyssa and Kennedy were peeking into her doorway, looking concerned.

Kennedy shot her a small smile, digging his hands deeper into his pockets.

“You can come in, you know.” She spoke quietly.

The two did as told, sitting at the edge of her bed and looking at her as if they felt pity for her.

Alyssa didn’t understand what was going on with her friend and why John had left in such a huff. Kennedy was roommates with Garrett for the duration of their stay in California, so he knew exactly what she was holding. John might have been his best friend, but Garrett was also and the tension between them was finally coming to a climax of sorts. He didn’t understand why Natalie wasn’t even acknowledging that she had both boys wrapped around her finger, but from what Alyssa had said, it seemed that the younger girl didn’t even know her own power.

“W-what happened?” Alyssa spoke gently, shooting her friend a soft smile.

“I think John rejected me.” Natalie spoke, placing the letter back on her bedside table. “And I think Garrett has something to do with it.”

“Of course he does!” Kennedy exclaimed, catching the redhead off guard. “God, Tali!”

“What are you talking about?”

“He loves you.” The guitarist spoke. “He really does, Natalie. Why else would he do this? Why else would John back off?”

“He asked if Garrett was the reason-“ The younger girl spoke quietly. “And then he got mad and left.”

“Well, there’s your answer, babe.” Alyssa smiled softly.

Natalie sighed, shaking her head. “I don’t know, guys.”

The couple beside her glanced at each other.

Kennedy didn’t understand why Natalie would fight the feelings that he knew she had. Garrett was not very comfortable expressing his feelings. The small note he’d written was the most he could do without feeling embarrassed. He didn’t have the guts to act on it. He didn’t know if she would even reciprocate the feelings.

It wasn’t something that she’d said much about to Alyssa. All she knew was that the girl who was her best friend back in high school wasn’t the same girl that was sitting before her now. Natalie was falling back into her passive, shy demeanor, and after so much work to get past it, Alyssa didn’t know why she was doing this. The fear of actually feeling something for Garrett was something that Natalie wasn’t completely ready for.

She wasn’t sure she could believe that something could happen between them. There had to be something wrong about it, she figured. There was no way that after all of her time pining over him that it would actually work out. Life wasn’t a fairytale, and there was no way Garrett was her Prince Charming.

“Did you fuck her? Is this your way of rubbing it in my face?” Garrett asked darkly as John made his way into the bedroom.

“I couldn’t do it.” John spoke quietly.

“I don’t believe you.”

“Gar, I promise.”

He sighed, shaking his head.

“Fuck, I had her in her underwear, and she was asking me to, but I couldn’t do it, Gary.”

The bass player looked up from his journal to the singer. “Why?”

“Because I’m not the one she wants.”

He sighed, shaking his head and putting the journal aside.

Why would John dare tease him like that? Why would he even mention that he had the opportunity to sleep with Natalie? It clearly upset him and he didn’t know if he wanted to know what actually happened. Besides, that didn’t sound like the Natalie he used to know. Why would she try to sleep with John so quickly? She was an old-fashioned girl with morals; she wasn’t just sleeping with every boy who gave her a minute, right?

He thought too highly of her to realize that she had betrayed every single thought he had of her. Natalie wasn’t the girl he thought she was, and a lot of the reason was because she didn’t have him. She was the one who was drowning and no one had thrown her a life vest.

“I know that I didn’t know Natalie before… but she doesn’t seem to be anything like the girl you described.”

“What are you saying?”

“If you think she’s some sweet, innocent girl, you’re delusional.” The singer spoke. “She knew what she was doing. It was hard to stop, but I had to.”

“Don’t talk about her like that, John.”

“Garrett, you’re the reason I couldn’t go through with it, okay? I want her, but she doesn’t want me. I’ll step aside.”

The bass player sighed heavily, remembering the note that he’d left her. He wondered if it had been a factor. He hadn’t been able to tell her exactly how he felt. He had tried so hard to think of something witty that he could tell her. Maybe that he didn’t care about anything except her. That he wished she was the one he’d dated in high school… that if it hadn’t been for Rachael, he probably would have dated her in high school.

“Look, she wants you, you want her. Just man up already, God!”

He chuckled.

“I mean it, okay? Look… I don’t know her very well, but something happened to her… Alyssa made it sound like something pretty bad must have happened before she left Tempe.”

“I’ll talk to her.” Garrett sighed.

John nodded, standing up and making his way out of the room.

“Hey John?” Garrett called as the taller boy paused at the doorway.

“Yeah?”

“Thanks.”

“Yeah. But the songs I wrote for her are still going on the album.”

“Wouldn’t have it any other way.”

Natalie sighed, “Transatlanticism” coming out of her record player. She groaned, trying to fall back asleep.

She had barely been able to do much but toss and torn. Her mind drifted from John to Garrett and Garrett to John. She didn’t understand what was happening or if she was going crazy. Everything was just so confusing right now to her. All she wanted was some answers and some explanations. Garrett’s note was the main thing that had left her confused.

She was getting more and more tired of the stress these boys had caused her. Had she done something wrong the previous night? She was disgusted at the idea that she’d practically thrown herself at John just to have him refuse her? Why hadn’t he just done it? Why had he turned her down? Maybe she wasn’t pretty enough… Maybe she hadn’t done it right. She had tried, at least, to make him want her. Was she too used up for him as well? She wasn’t worthy of him either?!

It wasn’t meant to be anything more than a good time for the both of them. John had made it clear that he liked her, and she had hoped that she could please him. It was the only type of “thank you” she could think of, anyway. What had she done wrong? There she was, ready for instruction and he made a big fuss about Garrett. She hadn’t even mentioned Garrett… Now she was wondering if she’d have to talk to him, but in all honesty, she was far too embarrassed to leave her bed.

And then the last boy she wanted to see made his presence known. John smiled softly at her, lying down beside her wordlessly. She sighed, relaxing in his arms and smiling softly.

“Are you mad?” She whispered softly.

“No.”

“I am.”

“Why?”

“John… you make it so obvious that you want me and then when you get the chance-“

“I do, but I’m willing to step aside for a friend.”

“I don’t believe you.” She whispered softly. “I think you changed your mind about me.”

John sighed softly. “Natalie-“

The smaller girl smiled softly, pressing her lips to his. “You said they called you John Ohh for a reason. If you’re going to make a comment like that, you’re gonna need to back it up.”

The singer sighed, pressing her face into the crook of his neck. “I’m not willing to be second best to you, Natalie. Garrett’s the one you want.”

She didn’t respond.

“Its okay.”

“It’d be so much easier this way…” She spoke. “I want to want you, John.”

He smiled softly, not saying anything. He knew that the part of him that wished they had slept together anyway was totally wrong. He respected that she had never given up on Garrett. He wanted his friend to be happy.

Still Natalie was lying in bed with her hair in disarray and she looked so beautiful. He couldn’t stop himself from pressing his lips to hers. One final kiss before he totally gave up and stepped aside. She responded immediately, as if she knew to make it a good one, and to make it last.

And then a throat being cleared caused them to break apart.

Standing there with a look of absolute heartbreak on his face was Garrett Nickelsen.