You're Living a Lie, You Just Can't Hide From Me

Natalie giggled as she emerged into the water. She'd decided that she just wanted to feel and let herself have some time to just live before going back to reality. She had scared her friends, given up drugs and finally had the opportunity to be with Garrett in the most intimate way possible. To think that the redhead had turned to the cocaine to stop feeling, and to numb herself, now she felt alive. She danced and swam, the waves crashing around her. She couldn't stop smiling as she made her way back to her friends. They had all decided to take a day at the beach, to calm down and sort out everything that had happened. She smiled, wrapping her arms around Garrett as she collapsed onto the towel where he lay.

"Its good to see you so happy." Pat grinned, wrapping his arms around her.

She didn't say anything, just smiled at his words. She wasn't sure what to say, so the small girl just held her boyfriend close. It saddened her to really think about what she'd put everyone through, but she was getting better. She wasn't having withdrawals like the doctors had warned her. She hadn't been a chronic user, just took it when she needed it. Her body didn't miss the drugs, but she was embarrassed that she'd even gotten to that point. All she wanted was to figure out what had happened to her. She used to be the quintessential good girl, how had she given into temptation?

"I'm sorry I put you through all this." She spoke quietly, her gaze falling on John.

He just nodded as if to show that he understood. He wasn't upset, just a little frazzled. She'd led him on, she'd offered herself to him, and while he had wanted her, he couldn't take advantage of it. She didn't really want him, she just wanted to feel wanted. She wanted to feel something, despite how numb she felt. He didn't take it personally, he knew better, but still, it hurt a little bit. He knew that Natalie and Garrett were supposed to be together, but she had definitely influenced this new record. But all he could think of was what had happened the last time they were alone together... It had been scary to see her pass out, to see her at her lowest point.

"So, no more art school?"

Natalie shook her head. "The more I think about it, I don't need art classes to prove that I'm a good artist. I love to draw, I love to paint... I don't need someone to tell me that I'm good."

"Baby, you're incredibly talented." Garrett spoke quietly.

"I just... gave into peer pressure, and everyone was just so into themselves. It wasn't the place for me. I need to be around people who support me and make me feel whole." She spoke. "I'm really thankful that I have you all."

Garrett wrapped his arms around her, letting his lips fall to her neck. He kissed and nipped at her neck for a minute, before kissing her cheek. He loved her, he supported her, and he was going to make sure that she was alright. His Natalie didn't need to give into temptation or lose herself in the party scene to feel alive. He wasn't going to leave her side and he was going to nurse her back to the girl he fell in love with in the first place. He knew that there were a lot of complexities that he couldn't understand, but they were going to be okay. They had to be honest with each other, and needed to be each other's rock. She was so fragile, and he was ready to catch her.

Natalie was embarrassed over the things that had happened, but she was finding herself. She knew that she had a lot of demons that she needed to deal with. Things that even Garrett couldn't help her with, but as long as she had him beside her, she could handle anything. There was so much that she had to deal with that she'd never spoken of. She didn't want him to know who she was, only who she was now. She was trying to break free and come out of the darkness she'd fallen into. It was embarrassing to her that he saw her like this though.

The redhead didn't know if she felt comfortable talking about what had happened or what was going to happen. She didn't know how she was going to open up to a total stranger if she couldn't even tell her friends. She wanted to tell Garrett everything, but she was worried that he would think less of her. She wasn't sure she was worthy of his love, but she loved him so much. He loved her, she knew that. She knew that he loved her and he understood that she hadn't always made the right decisions, but it embarrassed her.

"I, um... I'm gonna take a walk. Clear my head." She spoke, standing up and letting go of Garrett. She made her way back to her beloved spot of the boardwalk to think. She needed a little bit of time to herself. Natalie didn't know what she wanted to do or where to start. She had scheduled her appointment with the psychologist for an hour later, and she couldn't decide if she wanted Garrett to attend.

She wanted the support, but she wasn't sure she wanted him to know about her past. Though he swore he loved her and that whatever she'd done didn't matter, she wasn't so sure of it. He knew a lot about her, but there was always more that she kept behind clenched teeth. She wasn't perfect like he had told her she was. She had a lot of skeletons in her closet that no one knew about. Even her best friend was in the dark.

-----

Garrett sighed, running a hand through his hair. He knew that she was thinking about it, about everything she didn't want to talk about that would definitely come up. She was worried that he wouldn't love her as much as he did if he learned the truth about her. Natalie was probably mentally tearing herself apart and worrying about nothing. Garrett loved her no matter who she used to be, because he knew that she was a good person. He knew that she'd been troubled, but she was moving on with her life. Still, he didn't know what else he could do. Sometimes she just needed time to sort things out herself. He knew to let her be by herself for a little bit and maybe she could figure out what was doing.

"Is she okay?" Kennedy spoke.

"She's going to her first appointment with the psychologist. I think she's just nervous." Garrett spoke, trying to find interest in the sand between his feet. They were both very private people and he didn't want to air her dirty laundry. There was a lot that their friends didn't need to know about Natalie.

"And you spoke to her about going back to Tempe?" John added.

"I brought it up... I don't want to push her."

He knew that Natalie was more unsure of herself than ever before. She was broken, and tarnished, and tired of it. She was so fragile and delicate, but she held her cards close. He knew that there was a lot she was afraid to tell him. To him, though, she was perfect. He had told her this, but she'd giggled and told him it wasn't true. She felt disgusting, and embarrassed, but he just saw it as things from her past. Everyone makes mistakes, she just let herself get tangled in them. He loved her even if she was tarnished, even if she was broken. He thought she was the most beautiful thing even if she hated what she saw.

But she didn't see herself as he did. Garrett knew that she had a lot of issues that she didn't speak of. He knew that her father had been awful to her growing up because he'd wanted a boy. He knew that she had trust issues and that she had issues with self-esteem. Natalie probably didn't realize just how much he knew. He knew that she had given up on herself before high school was over.

The once straight A student was barely passing at the end of senior year, had no college plans and had shed her innocence. But most of all, he knew that she didn't see what he saw and she didn't feel worthy of being loved. No matter how he tried to express it, it wasn't enough and he hoped that seeing this therapist would allow Natalie to realize.

"Gary," Alyssa spoke, she sat with her knees to her chest and a sad look on her face. "I worry a lot about her. I'm sure there's a lot she's not telling us, but she's my best friend and I don't know how I would survive without her."

"I know." He ran a hand through his hair again. "Lyssa, I promised you I'd take care of her and I am. I love her... she's just a little..."

The girl nodded.

He knew that Natalie upset herself when she spent too much time thinking about the past. He knew that she wasn't pleased with herself, but he loved her no matter what she'd done. Garrett tried to show her that as much as he could, but he wasn't sure she understood. Natalie seemed to loathe herself, to beat herself up for things that didn't even matter anymore. He knew that she needed to come clean. She needed to tell her secrets and allow herself to be vulnerable.

"I'm gonna go catch up with her." Garrett spoke with a small smile.

By now, he knew where she went. He knew that she was either sitting on the bench at the boardwalk or in the record store or in the comic book store. He found her in the last place, and sighed as he found her reading a Spiderman comic. She looked really concentrated, but he wrapped his arms around her from behind. She didn't seem to react to his touch, just sighed. She kept her gaze on the story, not reading any longer, just staring.

"When we were kids, things seemed so easier... no responsibilities, no real problems..."

"We all have to grow up sometime, Nat."

"I know." She sighed. "I just want to know what went wrong."

"Wrong? Baby, there's nothing wrong with you."

Natalie shook her head, turning to face him with sad eyes. She loved Garrett so much, but there were things she wasn't sure she could tell even him. It scared her that she didn't. If she couldn't tell her boyfriend, she couldn't tell anyone. No one seemed to understand the heartache that she felt. She couldn't form the words. She could only think about what she had done. It seemed that she'd been so careless and malicious in how she'd acted. She knew that Garrett would listen to everything she had to say and accept it. He wouldn't judge her on things she'd done in the past, but she was embarrassed. She'd done so many things that she'd be horrified to hear if Alyssa had.

"Are you alright?"

She nodded slowly. "I will be."

"Nervous?"

"I don't know if I'll be able to tell a stranger things that I haven't even told you."

Garrett brushed a stray hair from her face. "Baby, I know it'll be tough, but you need to get all of these emotions out of you. You're so scared and lost because of all the things you've done, but nothing will make me think less of you. I love you and I don't care what horrible things you've done because I know that you're better than that."

"You promise?"

He kissed her gently. "I promise."