I Saw Your Heart as It Overtook Me

- || Matt's POV || -
That morning I woke up with the worse hangover ever. I groaned a little and covered my head with the blankets, shielding myself from the nonexistent sunlight.

"Baby, grab me some Advil please?" I mumbled, rolling over to her side of the bed, only to find it cold and empty.

Rather than opening my eyes, I felt around the bed with my hand as if I had somehow missed her. When I still didn't find her, I decided to open my eyes and look around the room, finding it empty as well.

"Lauren?" I called out, sitting up.

I frowned to myself when she didn't answer and I got up, heading straight into the bathroom to grab some Advil for myself. After I did my stuff I pulled on a clean pair of boxers, a pair of basketball shorts, and a black wife beater and went down stairs, hoping that Lauren was down there. However, I soon found that I was the only one in the entire house.

"Fuck." I muttered under my breath as I strolled through the kitchen, trying to find something that would help me with my hangover.

The only thing I was able to find was an unopened bottle of tequila. You ever hear how the best way to kill a hangover was to drink even more alcohol? You know, I've always wondered if it was true.

"Hell, why not." I said out loud to myself and reached to open the bottle.

Thirty minutes later I came to the conclusion that this little theory actually did work and my headache was no longer bothering me. However, when you're intoxicated, you can't really feel much of anything, can you?

I glanced up at the clock on the microwave and huffed a little when I saw that it was already 11:30.

"Where the fuck are you, Lauren?" I mumbled under my breath.

I took one last drink of my tequila and stood up, slowly making my way down the hallway and to the front door. I opened the door and looked outside and saw that both her car and mine were still parked in the driveway.

In any other circumstance I would normally be getting worried, but because of the alcohol running through my system, I was becoming more angry than anything.
I don't know what made me think to check over at Johnny's house, but here I was banging on his front door. When nobody answered I checked the handle. Unlocked, as usual.

"Johnny?" I called out, only to be greeted much like I had earlier.

With a deafening silence.

I gave the hallway in front of me a cold glare and took a right, heading upstairs, straight to Johnny's room. I don't know what the hell I was expecting to see, but I know it definitely wasn't my girlfriend to be sleeping next to Johnny in his fucking bed.

Calm down Matt, a voice said in the back of my head, it's not like Lauren and Johnny haven't fallen sleep together before.

Although my mind was trying to reason with me, my actions were thinking along the lines of something else. I remember jerking Johnny out of the bed, hitting him a couple of times, spitting a few choice curse words at him, and then I turned to Lauren. I remember the way I grabbed her and basically dragged her across the floor. I remember the way she recoiled in fear when I looked at her and God did that hurt to see.

What kind of boyfriend makes their own girlfriend retreat in fear of them? A fucking crappy one, that's what kind. I'm not sure what I told Lauren once we got downstairs, but I know it was my rage, anger, and alcohol speaking, not my heart. If the words I had spoken had been from that of my heart, I know I definitely wouldn't have left Lauren all alone, crying her eyes out like that.

I wouldn't have left her with a broken heart, a bruised ego, and a tear stained face. Honestly, if I wasn't busy being a drunken asshole at the moment, I wouldn't have left her at all. And I sure as fuck wouldn't have said I didn't want to be with her anymore. Because, Lord knows, I'd never want to leave Lauren for anything.

But the cold, hard fact was that I was being a stupid, ignorant drunken asshole at the moment who could really careless about anybody else's feelings but my own. I rolled my eyes as I headed back across the street to my house and slammed the front door shut behind me, which only brought back my headache I had long since forgotten about. I went into the living room and sat down on the couch, rubbing my face with my hand. Glancing out the window, I watched as Johnny packed Lauren down the sidewalk and to his car.

I shook my head a little to myself and laid down on the couch, closing my eyes in an attempt to sleep off this cursed headache. Needless to say, I feel asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow.

********************************************

"Matt, get your fucking ass up, now!"

I jerked out of my sleep and tried to sit up so fast that I actually fell off the couch and down the cold hardwood floor. I looked frantically around the living, trying to figure out who the hell was in my house but stopped when my eyes caught with Zacky's angry stare.
Actually, I think 'angry' was an understatement.

The man certainly looked furious about something. And judging by the taste of alcohol in my mouth, and shady recollection I had of my earlier activities, I'd say I was certainly in for a world of hurt.

"Matt, get the fuck up, right now." Zacky demanded, his fists balled up at his sides.

I hesitated for a second, eyeing either of his fists, before I slowly climbed to my feet.

"Zacky, I-"

I was cut short and knocked back to the floor by Zacky, who had decided to use one of his fists against me.

"Shut up." He spat. "What the fuck made you believe that you could go off and pull that fucking stunt with my sister?!"

"I ... " I trailed off, hanging onto my jaw and staring up at him in fear.

What did I do to Lauren? I didn't hurt her, did I? No, I couldn't possibly have hurt Lauren ... I couldn't.

"What d-did I do to her?" I asked shakily.

"What did you do to her?" Zacky asked in disbelief. "First you fucking flip out on her because you think she actually cheated on your pathetic ass, and then you fucking tell her that you don't even want to be with her anymore."

"I ... w-what?" I stuttered. "No, wait, what? I didn't tell her that ... D-did I?"

Zacky narrowed his eyes at me, looking as if he were capable of breathing fire at any moment.

"I sure don't fucking think my sister would lie about something like that." He said through his teeth.

"No, Zacky, I ... please, where is she?" I asked, frantically climbing back to my feet. "Please Zacky, tell me where she is. I-I have to go talk to her. Please."

"You stay the fuck away from her Matt, I'm serious."

"But, Zacky, I-I was drinking and I wasn't thinking straight." I said, grabbing a hold of his shoulders as if trying to get him to understand my reasoning. "Please, Zacky, you know I'd never want to break up with her."

I was on the verge of tears by now. How the fuck could I have told Lauren that I didn't even want to fucking be with her? Fuck, I'm such an idiot.

"Matt, you had, oh, excuse me have her real scared." Zacky emphasized the word 'have' as he reached up and pulled my hands away from his shoulders. "I don't fucking want you around her right now man."

"But, Zacky I-"

"You need to fucking chill out and think about what you've fucking done. I know it sounds like I'm treating you like a little kid, but fuck Matt, you could have seriously hurt Lauren today."

"Zacky, I could never hurt Lauren, I swear, I-"

"Matt, she had bruises on her arm from when you drug her across the fucking floor."

I wouldn't be surprised if Zacky heard my heart hit the floor and echo around the living room.

"So," Zacky continued on after a few seconds of silence, "once you've fucking thought about your stupid little stunt, you can sit around and dwell about how much you spooked my sister. Once you're done thinking about that you can sit around and think about how fucking stupid you are. And one you're done doing that, you can come over to the house and maybe I'll let you talk to Lauren. That is, if I'm not still fucking ticked off at you. Capeesh?"

I looked down at the floor and nodded my head a little, letting a hand full of tears fall from either of my eyes. I heard Zacky mumbling some other words underneath his breath and soon his footsteps faded away as he crossed the living room and made his way down the hallway to the front door. A few seconds later it slammed shut and I let the tears fall on their own free will.

I sank down to the couch and buried my face in my hands, crying my fucking eyes out. How could I have done such a thing to Lauren? How could I have hurt her physically, mentally, and emotionally like I did?

'I don't want you around her right now' Zacky had said.

"Maybe its better if I do just stay away from you for a while Lauren." I said out loud as if she were sitting right there in the same room with me. "I just don't want to hurt you again baby."

******************************************

"Amber, it's nothing against you and Zacky, I just ... don't want to go over there." I mumbled.

"Why not? Because Lauren's over there at the house?" She asked, folding her arms in front of her.

I didn't answer, but rather took another bite of my cold pizza, causing Amber to sigh a little in frustration.

"Matt, you haven even talked to her for a fucking week. A week Mathew." She said sternly, coming over to stand in front of where I was sitting on the couch.

"I know." I said quietly. "I just ... still feel like a douche bag for what I did to her."

For some reason I got the greatest urge to reach over and poke Amber's impregnated belly. I always see Lauren doing it, and I always wondered why she did. However, I snapped out of my thoughts and focus somewhat on Amber as she spoke again.

"Damn it Matt, you should feel like a fucking douche bag for what you've been doing to her since then."

"What do you mean, I haven't even seen her since then?" I asked as I finally gave into my urges and reached over, poking her belly.

Whoa, it felt ... weird, it a cool way. Strange ...

"Exactly." Amber said, totally ignoring the fact that I was now poking her belly repeatedly. "You haven't called her, stopped by to see her, you don't answer any of her fucking calls. You still want to be with her, don't you?"

"Yeah." I mumbled.

"Well then - stop fucking poking my belly!" She demanded, slapping my hand away. "Why the fuck do you and Lauren like to poke my damn belly?"

"I ... it just feels weird." I said sheepishly.

"Yeah, well your face looks weird but you don't see me fucking going around, poking it." She huffed.

Geesh, talk about touchy.

"Anyway, you still want to be with Lauren, don't you Matt?"

"Of course I still want to be with her." I said, looking down at my half eaten slice of pizza. "I love her with all my heart."

"Well, if you don't fucking go and talk to her soon, she's gonna start thinking that you really meant it when you said you didn't want to be with her." She said harshly. "That is, if she's not thinking it already."

I bit my lip a little, feeling the tears starting to build up once again.

"Alright, I'll go." I said quietly, so quiet that if Amber hadn't been watching me like a hawk she probably wouldn't have even been aware I had even said anything.

"Okay, go upstairs and get yourself cleaned up so we can get the hell out of here." She said, grabbing my hand and pulling me to my feet. "By now Zacky probably thinks I've been mugged at the store or something."

I slowly made my way across the living room and up the stairs to my room. Or me and Lauren's room. That is if we're still together.

Yes, it's true that it's been a week since I've last spoken to or even seen Lauren. I don't know why I didn't go over to Zacky's and talk to her. Because I'm an idiot perhaps? Yeah, I think it's safe to assume that much.

I finished off the rest of my pizza as I walked into the room and got changed into a new outfit. I went into the bathroom to go splash some water on my face and try to 'liven' up a bit before I had to go and face Lauren ... and not to mention her brother who was most likely still pissed off at me.

"It's about time." Amber sighed when I came back into the living room. "Let's go before Zacky calls in a search party."

During the ride to Amber and Zacky's house I was nervous as fuck. What was Lauren going to say when she saw me? What was she going to do? Hell, what was Zacky going to do? I don't know what he's gonna do, but I prepared to take a punch from him all the same. Seriously, how many times has the man hit me in regards to his sister?

"Alright Mattie." Amber said as we pulled up in their driveway. "Go in there and make up with your girlfriend."

I gave her a little half smile as we got out of the car and made our way to the front door. I felt my stomach tie into a knot when I spotted Jimmy, Syn, Johnny, and JB's cars also parked in the front. Great, if things turned south on me, everybody was gonna be here to witness it.

I cautiously followed Amber into the living room where Lissa, Syn, Johnny, Shawna, and JB were sitting. They all gave me a funny looking, seeing as how I haven't spoken to any of them for a week as well. In turn, I flashed them a nervous smile and turned around, coming face to face with the one person I definitely wasn't ready to talk to just then.

I stared blankly down at Lauren, wanting nothing more than to wrap my arms around her and hold her with the thought of never letting her go running through my mind ... but I didn't. I didn't do anything but stare down at her like I was waiting for her to step aside so I could continue on down the hallway to the kitchen.

But wait, I moved! Except it was to walk past Lauren and into the hallway.

What the fuck Matt, a voice said in the back of my mind, go back to the fucking living room you dumb ass.

Finally gathering my wits, I turned on my heal just in time to see Lauren go running past me and up the stairs.

"I, Lauren, wait." I said weakly, my voice too feeble for Lauren to have heard me.

"Matt, what the fuck are you doing just standing there?"

I jumped a little and looked down to see Lissa standing in front of me, staring me down with her evil eye.

"I ... I was just-"

"How the hell could you just walk past Lauren like you just did, Mathew? You could practically hear the poor girl's heart breaking all over again."

"I just, I don't know why I did that." I said quietly, looking down at the ground. "I just-"

"Matt, do you honestly not want to be with her anymore?"

"What? Fuck no. I mean, yes, I want to be with her."

"Well then do us all a favor and start fucking acting like it."

"But ... I don't know how to say I'm sorry for doing something like that."

Lissa sighed a little and grabbed a hold of my wrist, leading me up the stairs.

"Honestly Matt, it's not that fucking hard to go in and apologize for being a damn douche bag." She muttered as he pulled me down the hallway, searching for the room Lauren was hiding in.

Finally Lissa came to a stop in front of the bed room across from Zacky and Amber's bedroom. I should have known she's have gone straight to her old room. The door was slightly ajar and Lissa carefully pushed it open the rest of the way. I stood there in the doorway for a couple of seconds, my eyes glued on Lauren's figure sprawled on the bed. Although she was lying with her back to the door, we were still able to tell she was crying because her body would shake a little with each little sob she'd let out.
I felt Lissa nudge my side a little and I tore my eyes from Lauren's figure to look down at her. She nodded towards Lauren, indicating for me to go talk to her. My eyes widened in horror and I shook my head violently, causing Lissa to roll her eyes. She stepped into the room and made her way towards Lauren, taking a seat beside her on the bed.

"Come here hun." She said softly, taking Lauren into her arms. "Shh, please don't cry."

"B-But ... d-did you see the way he looked at m-m-me?" Lauren cried.

"He didn't mean to do it sweetheart."

"And then he just fucking walked past me like I wasn't even there." Lauren cried harder.

"Shh, I know, sweetie. He didn't-"

"Mean to do that either?" Lauren asked sarcastically. "Let's face it Lissa, he don't want to be with me anymore." She said miserably.

"Well ... do you still want to be with him?" Lissa asked, looking past Lauren to lock her eyes with mine.

"Of course I fucking do Lissa. I love him with all my heart." Lauren said quietly, obviously holding back a new string of tears.

"I'm sure he still loves you too Lauren, more than you'll ever know."

"Oh gosh Lissa, I miss him." Lauren cried. "I miss waking up next to him every morning, and I miss hearing him say he loves me, and I miss having him hold me in his arms, and I ... I j-j-just miss e-ever-r-ry thing about him."

I couldn't take this anymore; I couldn't handle seeing Lauren in such pieces like she was. I stepped inside of the room and ran over to the bed, skidding to a stop in front of Lauren. Her sobs instantly subsided when her eyes landed on me, more out of shock than happiness I think.

"M-Matt?" She stuttered, sitting upright. "I-"

I took her in my arms and pressed my lips to hers, kissing her deeply. I pulled away and sat down on the bed, cradling her in my lap.

"Oh God Lauren, baby, I love you so much." I said, letting my own tears fall from my eyes. "I'm so sorry for those things I've said to you and for bruising your arm and for totally ignoring you this past week. I love you with all my heart. There's no way in Hell that I fucking meant that when I said I didn't want to be with you."

"Matt, baby, I've missed you." She whispered, tightening her arms around me.

"I know Lauren." I whispered back. "I've missed you too baby. I miss waking up next to you every morning, and I miss hearing you say you love me, and I miss holding you in my arms."

She looked up at me and smiled weakly through her tears.

"Baby, I don't ever want to fight with you again." She said, blinking back the excess tears still trying to fall from her beautiful eyes.

"Shh, neither do I, sweetheart." I said softly, reaching up to brush her tears that still clung to her face away the best I could. "Neither do I."

As I held onto Lauren, I made a vow that I would never do anything ever again to hurt her like I did. Not only did I think that her heart would be able to handle it, but I honestly think that my own would probably break inside my very chest if I did.