Take This To Heart

I don’t remember much. Everything came as one big blur as I tried to figure out where I was. The mall. I knew that much, but where? I had taken so many turns and twist that I was now lost. I ran to the nearest store: Best Buy.

Ugh. I hated computers and TVs. I made my way to the nearest CD section and sifted through them. From A-Z it was all country. I moved over to the next aisle and was faced with an advertisement…advertising All Time Low’s latest CD, Nothing Personal. I rolled my eyes.

Couldn’t I go somewhere without being reminded of them once?

I skipped that row, going to the back side where the rest of the Alternative and Rock CDs where. That side was featuring bands and rockers from the letter N-Z. I made my way, sorting through CDs and picking out one every once in a while. A younger guy was a few feet away from me and seemed to take an immediate curiosity in the CD I’d just picked out.

“Panic At the Disco?” He asked, eyes traveling to the CD case of A Fever You Can’t Sweat Out. I nodded. “What’s your favorite song off the album?”

I was confused by now. Why was this guy talking to me? “Umm…Build God, Then We’ll Talk.” I answered, trying to be polite.

He nodded. “I hated recording that song.” He muttered.

“Who are you?” I asked, confusion creeping into my voice.

“George Ryan Ross,” He gave a mock bow, “At your service.”

I rolled my eyes, walking away. “Great. Another rock star.” I turned on my heel from where I’d left him. “Did Alex hire you to look for me?”

He looked at me like I was crazy. “Alex…um, who?” His brown glossy eyes were confused.

“Forget you.” I said, walking away.

“You’re going mad, dude.”

I turned around, angered. “Me? I’m not the one pretending to be-“ I was cut off by someone calling my name. I looked over the wall of CDs to see Alex but it was too late.

I knew I was caught. I turned back to the young guy. He looked a little younger than Alex, now that I really looked at him. “I’m not the one pretending to be Ryan Ross! Now whose mad?”

He laughed as Alex appeared from behind me. “Phoenix! I’m sorry. Really. Whatever I did to get you upset-“ I cut him off by directing my attention back to the fake.

He removed his sunglasses and took off his scarf and hat before placing them on the top of the CD racks and carefully rolling up his sleeves so I could see his tattoos. One read, ‘Mad As A Hatter’ and the other read ‘Thin As A Dime’. “Believe me now?”

Suddenly his attention was directed to someone else behind him. A girl. A young girl…that looked about my age. “Viv, uh, you’re not getting all those CDs. Sorry.”

The girl huffed, her cheeks turning red in either embarrassment for being called out when her dad, or whoever this guy was to her, was talking to someone else, or anger. She flipped her hair, allowing it to cover up her face. “Fine.” She muttered, placed a few CDs back where she’d pulled them out.

He turned back to me. “Anyways…if I were you, I’d get the newest CD. Personally, I think it’s a lot better than our older one.” He picked up his hat, scarf, and sunglasses.

“Actually, he just got that CD from Hot Topic. By any chance…do you think you could sign it?”

Alex asked as Jack and Zack came up, huffing from their long run. Zack handed the bag over to Jack, muttering something about going to find a bathroom.

I scoffed. “Are you as stupid as you look?” I asked him.

Alex didn’t reply.

The guy shrugged. “Sure. I’m just here with my sis. She won’t mind.”

“Jack give me the bag.” Alex demanded. Jack handed it to him without a question and Alex sifted through it, pulling out my Panic CD. He unwrapped it and gave it to the guy who pulled out a sharpie and began scribbling on the back of the booklet inside the case.

I rolled my eyes.

He looked at me, pointing at Alex with his eyes. “Is this the Alex you were talking about?”

I nodded.

Alex turned edgy. “What’d he say about me?”

The guy laughed. “He asked me if you’d hired me to look for him.” Another laugh.

Alex gave a small smile. “Yeah, he tends to run away…quite a bit.” Alex turned his attention to me. “You do know this is Ryan Ross, right?”

I shook my head and turned accusingly at ‘Ryan’. “Can you predict the future or something? ‘Cause you were right. I really am going mad.”

“As a hatter.” Ryan added.

“No. Really.” Jack muttered, stretching out his hand. “Nice to meet you. So are you on Warped this year?”

I stared up at Ryan, blankly, before bursting into laughter.

Everyone looked at me confused. Even the Vivian girl.

“What’s his problem?” She asked.

Alex shrugged. “He has his moments.”

It took me a while to calm down but when I finally did I looked back up at him. "You really are this Ryan dude, aren't you?" I started laughing again. What can I say? I was doubtful. I'd never seen Panics' member's faces before. I realized how much of a retard I must have been by obviously telling someone that they weren't someone who they actually were. Try figuring that one out.

He smiled and nodded. "I'm him. The one and only. So...?" He streched out his hand. "Believe me now?"

I shook it. “Yeah, for now at least. Uh…but why are you all the way out here in New York?”

He turned to look at his sister. “She lives up here with my mom. I came to visit.”

I could only nod before Jack asked again about Panic going on Warped. Ryan shook his head.

“Actually, we’re having a…disagreement. So…we didn’t sign up for now.”

Alex nodded. Just then, the girl came up to Ryan and stood by his side, a new stack of CDs in her hands, bigger than the last one. She sifted through them a last time before Ryan looked through her stack. He picked up the Slipknot CD in her pile and looked at her blankly. “Your kidding me right? You can’t understand what they’re saying! They’re overrated and I’m not taking you home to mom who’ll kill me once she sees I bought you a CD with Parental Advisory on it. Sorry. Put it back.” He pointed to the CD rack and she reluctantly placed it back on the shelf.

Ryan looked up at Jack and Alex. “My mom would kill me if my sister came home with a Slipknot CD.” Alex and Jack laughed as they looked on with Ryan at what his little sister had picked out. I was feeling left out.

I was pulled from my out-of-it-state when Alex happily yelled, “HEY! She picked out our CD!”
Ryan laughed and the girl quickly looked up at Alex. Seeming to notice who he was, her eyes grew big. “Alex Gaskarth?”

Alex’s eyes lit up in excitement and he nodded. He reminded me of a five year old.

“Can you sign it?”

Ryan looked at her. “We haven’t even bought them yet!”

She took the CD’s from his hands and dragged him to the cash register where he paid for three CD’s she’d picked out: All Time Low, The Ready Set, and Escape the Fate (she'd secretly slipped them in the pile) .

As soon as the cashier gave her the bag, she sprinted back to us, seeing as I was still looking at CD’s.

She handed the CD to him greedily, wanting the signature. Alex grimaced when he realized he didn’t have a pen. He turned to Ryan who gave him the sharpie. Alex ripped open the CD’s plastic protector and signed the booklet just as Ryan had done on my copy. He then handed it over to Jack who opened it to the page with his picture and scribbled something down. Ryan on the other hand had gone into (what I thought was) meaningless chitchat about adopting me.

The girl walked up to me as I shifted through Rock CDs by Led Zepplin. I always had a taste for classic rock. “I’m Vivian Ross.” She stuck out her hand, smiling. I took it and smiled back, only to feel someone’s eyes on my back. When I turned around all of them (Ryan, Jack, and Alex) were staring.

“Phoenix Envy.” I answered.

“That’s a cool name. So much better than Vivian.” She scrunched up her nose at her name and frowned. “But what can I say? Our parents were original. George and Vivian Ross. At least Ryan has a modern middle name he goes by.” She huffed.

“And you don’t?” I asked.

“Adelaide.” She seethed. “I like Vivian over Adelaide.”

I laughed. “And I would like any normal name over Phoenix Envy.”

She looked confused. “You don’t like your name?”

I shook my head. “It’s…abnormal and as soon as I get eighteen,” I snapped my fingers, “I’m getting it changed. Something simple like Jared or Brandon. Something that doesn’t make me stand out.”

She nodded. “Don’t take this the wrong way, since, I mean, you hate your name, but I really like it. It’s cool.”

“Oh, Phoenix,” Alex singsonged. I looked back at him. He motioned for me to come on.
I turned back to Vivian. “Well, I’ll see you around, I guess.”

She nodded, before she grabbed my wrist and pulled a pen from her bag and wrote down ten digits. “My number.” She explained. “Call me later.”

I smiled and walked away, thinking I’d never met a girl so bold as to give her phone number away first and tell the guy to call her. It was always the other way around.

Alex gave me a fifty, told me to pay for my other Panic CD and another one Jack had picked out. I did and noticed everyone talking at the doorway. Viv was standing outside the conversation.

I got back and Ryan quickly took the bag from my hand. He sifted through the CDs and unwrapped the other Panic CD, signing the other CD. “What are you?” I asked, scoffing, “Addicted to autographing?”

Ryan looked hurt. “No, I just-“

Viv cut him off. “It’s his ego, Phoenix. He has to keep it big.”

Ryan shot her a look. “I do not!”

Vivian looked up at him with a look that told Ryan to come back down to earth. “Get real.”

Ryan glared at her.

Both Alex and Jack shook Ryan’s hand and bid him goodbye while I did the same to Viv.

Then we left, heading to Jack’s Mustang GT. When we got, the first thing he popped in was Panic’s A Fever You Can’t Sweat Out.

I grabbed the CD cases, and looked at what Ryan had written in them.

As soon as I opened A Fever You Can’t Sweat Out, a guitar pick fell into my lap. My eyes were glued to the words.

Alex told me everything. I guess saying ‘I’m sorry’ would be traditional, but I was never the one for traditions. I know that’s the last thing you wanna hear is pity. Listen to “Camisado” I think both me and you can relate quite well with it. –Ryan.

I picked up the CD case and flipped it over. “Turn it to number 5.”

Alex leaned up to turn it, but suddenly froze. “Stop!” He yelled.

Jack slammed on the breaks, turning quickly to the right as not to cause a wreck and get rear-ended. It almost gave me a heart attack, seeing as I wasn’t wearing my seat belt.

Future note: ALWAYS wear seatbelt.

“WHAT?!” Jack and I yelled in unison, annoyed.

“We forgot Zack.”