Take This To Heart

After numerous calls to his cell phone to meet us out front, Zack was in the back seat, looking pretty POed.

“I cannot believe you left me.” He paused, looking at the window. “Am I that easy to forget?” He whined.

Jack and Alex were laughing. “It was pretty funny. If it wasn’t you, you’d have been laughin’ your butt off, too.”

I was the only one who wasn’t amused or annoyed. I was…indifferent. The lyrics to “Camisado” kept playing over and over in my head and I couldn’t get them out. “It’s okay, Zack. They had their fan-girl stage back there when they saw Ryan Ross.”

He huffed. “I don’t know why but, Alex has always been jealous of guys that can wear eyeliner and pull it off. Ryan Ross was no exception.” Zack laughed. “I remember one day on tour I walked in the bathroom to pee and he was at the mirror trying to put the makeup on!”

“I was not!” Alex defended. “I was…” Alex looked back at me, “Experimenting.”

“It’s funny how you start ‘experimenting’ just as soon as Ryan’s makeup photos are all in the tabloids and over the internet. You just wanted the attention back.” Jack cut in.

Alex pouted. “So what? I’m jealous of guys that can pull off something like that and look cool. It’s not like he’s my secret gay crush.”

Zack’s eyes widened. “You have a secret gay crush?”

I started laughing. Great. Alex was gay. Awkward much??

“NO!” He bellowed. “I’m trying to make a point, but all you keep doing is turning my words around!”

“Ok,” Jack agreed, laughing, “We’ll stop now.”

I was still laughing. Alex was seething with angry and annoyance. “Shut up, Envy.”

“Alright, alright,” I choked out. “As long as you turn it back to 'Camisado'.” I smiled at the window which I was facing.

“Again?” He asked, in an unbelievable tone.

“Yeah.” I muttered. This was my fifth time listening to it in a row and by now, I’d memorized most of the chorus and verses.

Sighing, he clicked it back to number five.

I could hear Jack from the front of the car, hands on the steering wheel. “We need to get this kid an iPod.”

I smirked. “I have an iPod, genius. Remember? You got it from my room after the…incident.”

Everyone went silent. I knew they didn’t think I’d be ready to bring it up until a few years passed. “Jack?” I asked.

“Oh, yeah, I remember. So…um, why aren’t you, uh, um, listening to it?”

“It doesn’t have any Panic songs on it except for “I Write Sins…” and “Nine in the Afternoon.” It doesn’t have this song.”

Alex, looked back at me through the rearview mirror, eyebrows knitted. “Why the sudden interest in this song?”

I shrugged. “No reason,” I lied.

He turned around. “So…what did Ryan write you?”

“Just his name,” I lied, “By his picture. And ‘Good luck in life.’ That’s all.”

“Oh?” Alex knew I was lying. Heck, I knew I was lying from the tone of my voice. “Lemme see.” Without warning, he grabbed the CD. I tried to take it back, but I missed it by centimeters.

I saw his eyes scanning over the words. His eyes lit up in realization. “Oh.” He muttered, “Okay.”

He gave it back to me and I took it quickly. I tucked the pick in between pages of the booklet and shut the case. I looked out the window.

Man, I wish my sister was here.