Take This To Heart

I walked through the graveyard. We were all leaving New York for good in three hours and everyone but myself was five blocks away helping Mona pack. I’d taken the time to walk down to St. Mary’s church and walk across the street to the church graveyard where the Children’s home had bought five plots in case something happened to a child that was in their care.

Three of them had been filled up. The first filled was that of a small babe who suffered from SIDS late one night. The seconds was Christine’s. And the third?

I hadn’t visited Jade’s grave once. I hadn’t been here day on the funeral and I wasn’t sure I would have attended even if I was here. The grass had yet to grow back and the tombstone was new, granite.

I bend down at his grave. A dead rose was by the marker and I picked it up, twisting it in my fingers before replacing it with a living rose. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there to save you in time, Jade.” I touch the cool stone lovingly and regretfully before moving onto my sister’s tomb.

The last time I’d visited her grave was six months ago and I’d also left a rose, but it wasn’t here. Probably dead and blown away. I left another rose on her grave before kneeling down and sitting down. “I don’t know what to do, Chris. Alex tried to change my name and it’s been bothering me a lot lately. I don’t want to change it, but then again I do.” I must have rambled about my problems for thirty minutes, telling her how I’d fractured my wrist on tour, how Emma was in the hospital, and how I was put through test while visiting Emma at the hospital that would determine for sure if I was an anemic or not. I was supposed to get the test back when we got to Maryland.

I smiled. I had a feeling she’d be proud of me, now. I stood up, placing my last rose on the baby’s whom suddenly died grave. I never knew the child, never held him, but he was still one of us. He was an orphan, too. And he died alone.