Take This To Heart

They didn’t ask where I’d been when I returned to Mona’s apartment. I think she knew as soon as she saw my somber expression and my dull lifeless eyes. “Chris?” She asked.

I bowed my head in a halfway nod, but kept my head down, my eyes on the floor. It didn’t take Emma long to realize I’d returned and she came bounding out of what used to be Mona’s bedroom, Jack following her. “Birdie!” She screeched, throwing herself at me. I was surprised, but still caught her as she launched herself at me. I smiled slightly and nuzzled my nose into her clean Strawberry scented hair, turning from side to side without really using my feet, but my ankles as pivots. Her legs swung loosely as she swayed along with me before I turned the other direction and caused her legs to snap back in the opposite way.

Mona quickly scolded us. “Emma! What did the doctor say?! You, too, Phoenix! You have to be gentle with her! Down! Now!” A bigger smiled cracked my lips as I placed Emma safely to the ground and rested my elbow on top of her head as if she were a table. Yeah, she was that short compared to me.

“Relax, Mona. I’ve got everything under control.” As I was speaking, Emma was making efforts to whack my arm away and off of head. I dodged every one of her attacks before replacing my hand. Ems huffed and crossed her arms, tapping her foot and looking extremely annoyed.

That’s when I spotted Alex leaning against the wall and having a conversation with Rian. I removed my hand from Emma’s head and slightly pushed her away, her head smoothly snapping to the side before bouncing back up to glare at my back as I walked away.

I was more nervous about what I was going to tell Alex and how he would react that I was of a hungry lion at the moment. I didn’t have the slightest clue at what he’d do or what he’d say and that had me biting my lip in worry and tugging on a strand of hair.

“What’s bugging you, Envy?” Alex asked, eyes narrowing in confusion.

“Can I talk to you?” I asked, shooting a nervous glance at Rian. Alex nodded, glanced at Rian as well and grabbed my elbow, pulling me into the room Emma and Jack had just exited. He shut the door behind us and asked his question again.

I looked at the ground, pulling at my hair harder until I felt a strand of it give way. I twirled the piece in between my thumb and middle finger and averted my eyes to the ground. “Would you mind if I changed my last name to Gaskarth? Not fully change-change it, you know? Just add it on. So then it’d be Phoenix Envy Stokes Gaskarth?” I bit my bottom lip again and found the nerve to look up at him.

As soon as I did, he engulfed me in a hug. “You know I love you, right? That you’re like my real son…except you’re three quarters my age? I care about you Phoenix and I’d be honored if you took my last name.”

I grinned nodding into his neck, but replying back, “But it really seems like you hate me, though, because you’re trying to suffocate me.”

He laughed and I could feel the vibrations in his throat again like I could when he tried to change my last name. Now I was wanting to change it. Something wrong here?

Suddenly he stopped laughing and pulled away from me. He held me by my shoulders at arms length. “But what about what you said on the bus…?”

I shook my head. “I thought it was time to move on.” I didn’t mention that I’d poured my thoughts and feelings on this decision over a gravestone.
He nodded as if in understanding and hugged me again.