Weak, But Not Defeated

Maddie’s breath caught as she met John’s eyes, “Excuse me?” she choked.

John rested his head in his palms, “At that party in Scottsdale. I walked in on him and a girl…”

“What were they doing?” Maddie whispered.

“He was lying on top of her while they kissed,” John said, looking at her. He saw an all too familiar look of rejection and pain in her eyes and decided to add, “He was drunk though.”

Maddie wiped underneath her eyes, clearing the makeup that had smeared, “This is really low, John.”

“What?” John asked, puzzled.

Maddie stood from the couch, pacing in front of John, “I know you don’t like Garrett and I together, but how dare you.”

“Why would I lie to you? You know how well that worked out last time,” he said.

“It’s completely different, John.”

“Why? Because your perfect Garrett actually messed up? Well here’s the reality Maddie, your boyfriend is not perfect!” John shouted as he stood.

“I’m so over this, John, just stop!” she shouted, turning her back on him again.

John grabbed her arm, spinning her around, “Maddie, I am not lying to you. Go ask Garrett.”

Maddie forcefully pulled out of his grasp, “I will. And when he tells me you’re full of crap I’ll be happy to come back here and tell you off.”

“And what about when he tells you it’s true? What then, huh? You still come back here but instead you cry in my arms? Hello no, Maddie, that is not happening.”

Maddie walked to the door, pulling it open angrily, “Screw you, John.”

“Let’s see if you say the same thing when your boyfriend screws someone else,” John said heatedly.

Maddie bit her tongue, taking in a breath and slamming the door behind her. She drove quickly to Garrett’s house, not bothering to knock at the front door.

She found him sleeping, sprawled out on his bed without a shirt on and his hair a complete mess. She sat on the bed gently, rubbing a hand lightly over his bare back.

He stirred awake, turning towards Maddie. He rested on his back as he smiled at his girlfriend, taking her hand and placing it on his stomach, “Hey, babe.”

Maddie couldn’t help but smile, “Hey you.”

Garrett looked at his cell phone and upon seeing the date sat straight up in bed, “Oh, Maddie, how are you doing?”

She shook her head as if to say no to the tears forming, “I have been a lot better. But Garrett, I heard something today that I really need you to tell me is not true.”

“Go for it,” he replied.

“John said… John said that he saw you kissing another girl. I yelled at him for making up this rumor but now I just need you to confirm that it’s not true. Don’t be mad,” Maddie said.

Garrett looked down at their intertwined hands. He admired Maddie’s calmness and how she was apologizing for something that was clearly not her fault. He looked into her innocent blue orbs, knowing he could never lie to this beautiful girl.

“Maddie, last night I was extremely drunk and I kissed another girl,” Garrett said honestly.

Maddie closed her eyes tightly and after a few seconds spoke, “Not the answer I needed to hear.”

“I am so sorry, baby. It honestly didn’t mean anything. I just wasn’t in the right state of mind,” Garrett said as Maddie stood up.

“Don’t talk to me, Garrett,” Maddie said, “This is really not the day to drop this on me.”

Garrett walked to her, “Maddie, please just hear me out.”

She faced him, her hands on her hips, “Don’t you think it’s a little early in this relationship to be bored already?”

“Don’t say that, Madds. It was a mistake and I am the biggest idiot in the world,” he said soothingly. He reached for her but she pulled away.

“You drink too much, Garrett.”

Garrett took a step back, “Don’t get judgmental, Maddie. I get that this day sucks for you and it’s partially my fault, but don’t go there.”

“I think I have kind of a right to be a little judgmental, here, Garrett. You’re eighteen and you drink too much way too often. I could put up with it when it didn’t affect me. But now it does and I’m pretty pissed off,” Maddie spat.

“I’ll call you tomorrow, Maddie, when you’re a little more at peace. Just know that I am really sorry and I completely regret it, okay?” he said.

Maddie rolled her eyes, hating that he talked to her like she was five years old, “Whatever,” she said before she left his house.

She drove back to Evergreen, but as she walked to Carly’s grave she saw Kennedy and Emma. She turned on the heel of her foot, wishing to talk to Carly alone.

Maddie sat in her silent car, contemplating where to go from here. She was so angry, but even she knew it was just a disguise, masking the hurt she felt in her chest. The feeling was all too reminiscent of her eighteenth birthday.

She sat in that car for over a half an hour, the whole time knowing where she would end up. It made her even angrier, but within ten minutes she was knocking on his door.

He swung it open; already knowing it would be her, “Oh, hello Madeline, what a surprise.”

She pushed past him and collapsed on his couch, crossing her arms over her chest. He sat in the seat next to her, resting his elbows on his knees, waiting in silence. Finally he sighed, “Do you want to talk about it? He asked, so obviously faking his interest.

“Nope,” she replied.

“Then why don’t you go somewhere else and talk about it? You’re putting me in a bad mood,” John told her.

“I don’t have anywhere else to go.”

“You have other friends and family, Maddie. You have Kennedy,” he said through his teeth.

She sat up straight, “Is that what this whole thing is about, John? You’re bitter about Kennedy still?”

“Don’t flatter yourself, Maddie,” John scoffed.

“So it’s about Garrett, then?”

John snorted a laugh, “Wow, you are just on a roll, aren’t you?”

“Then why am I putting you in a bad mood, John!? Just tell me what I am doing so horribly wrong,” Maddie said.

“It’s that you are going to forgive Garrett! I can see it in your eyes, Maddie. You’re upset, but if I had done this to you, you would have broken up with me in a second!” he said, pacing in front of her.

She stood, “And how do you know I didn’t break up with him?” Maddie challenged.

He stopped in front of her. His face was straight; no emotion as he was completely positive he was right. Butterflies weren’t batting around anxiously in his stomach as they normally would have been as he decided on his next move.

John took one step, bringing him only an inch from Maddie’s face. He pulled her into him, holding her hips in his fingertips, letting her feel his breath on her lips. His forehead was against hers as he closed his eyes, waiting for the inevitable.

She furiously pushed him away, “Give it a rest.”

He shook his head, “That’s how I know, Maddie. How can you forgive him so easily?”

She sighed, “He was drunk.”

“Oh, well that’s fine then, my mistake,” John rolled his eyes.

Maddie took a deep breath and walked towards the door. John raced in front of her, putting his body between her and the exit. “Let me go, John.”

“You cannot run away every time you get scared, Maddie. I am calling you out and you are not leaving until you give me an answer. How can you forgive him so easily?” he asked again.

Maddie rolled her eyes, pushing against John as she used the handle to try and pull the door open. He grabbed her wrist, forcefully pulling it away. She used her other hand to make another attempt but John stopped her again.

“Dammit, John, let me go!” she yelled. Tears were forming in her eyes and John knew he almost had her. He spun her around, still grasping her wrists, and lightly pushed her back against the door.

“Answer me, Madeline!” John said loudly.

She pushed against the boy who would not budge, finally letting a frustrated tear slide down her cheek, “It’s because Garrett is the only one I have! Okay!? You happy, John? Garrett is the only person in my life I can count on no matter what. I refuse to believe he screwed up because last time I didn’t forgive someone I lost my best friend.”

John dropped her wrists, looking at her with sad eyes. She walked past him and he turned around to face her.

“I mean, Jesus, you’re so wrapped up in yourself you don’t even realize how much I miss you. If you had just attempted to be my friend I wouldn’t have gotten so close to Garrett, and I wouldn’t be hurt like this,” she shouted.

John didn’t reply and Maddie sighed loudly, making another dart for the door. He beat her there and locked the dead bolt and chained it. She stopped and faced him.

“So if I tell you how much I want to be your friend again you’ll break up with Garrett?” he asked quietly.

“No, John! That’s not how it works! Garrett was my best friend when you were failing miserably. I like Garrett, a lot. I like him so much that I will give him a second chance.”

John hung his head, letting out a small laugh, “There you go with your big heart. Sometimes it’s just too hard for me to understand.”

“Are you jealous of Garrett and I?” she asked.

John met her eyes. He stared at her for what seemed like forever, and finally brushed past her, unlocking the door. “You can leave now.”

“I’m only walking out the door after you answer me.”

“Well what can I say to make you stay?” John asked.

“You tell me the truth,” she said.

John looked around the room at everything except Maddie’s eyes. Finally he looked at her, “I’m jealous that he gets to be your best friend. I’m jealous that he calls you baby now, I’m jealous of the way he makes you smile constantly, and I’m jealous of the unconditional love that you show him. So yeah, Maddie, I’m a little jealous.”

Maddie stared at her feet, unsure of how to respond to the answer she had already known. She reached for the door, locking it. She faced John again, “Do you want to be my best friend, John O’Callaghan?”

“Do you want to be mine?” he asked, unbelieving.

“I have never stopped wanting that,” she replied honestly.

John smiled his sideways grin for what seemed to be the first time that day, “Then I will be your best friend, and that’s going to be forever, you can mark my words.”