Lack of Color.

Erin.

“So he leaves tomorrow, for how long?”

“A couple of months to record and then nonstop shit for the new record, so for awhile”, I said grabbing the bottle from Francis hand.

“How do you feel about that?”

“Are you pulling a fucking Dr. Phil on my ass again?”

“Maybe, Dr. Phil does wonders, look what he did for Brittany.”

“That bitch is even crazier”, I said with a laugh looking down at my phone seeing a text from John to come over to Loren’s house.

“That’s true, so party at Loren’s house. Are you down to come with me, Dr. Phil?”

“Not really, but I’ll drive your drunk ass.”

“That’s what I was fishing for.”

He just laughed standing up; I took another sip of the Jack Daniels cringing at the strong taste before following him to his car. We got to Loren’s place; I could see everyone’s car parked outside the apartment complex. I looked over at Francis, giving him a kiss on the cheek and pulling down my shirt that was riding up.

“Have fun on your date.”

“I will, hopefully I get lucky”, he said with a wink.

I put up my crossed fingers making him laugh. I did a finger gun at him with a wink, before stumbling up the stairs. I got to the screen door, looking down at my phone seeing a text from John. I looked into the door, seeing him standing there looking down at his phone.

“John!”

His head popped up looking over at me with a smile. He jogged over to me opening the screen door for me. I stumbled over grabbing him to a hug; he leaned in giving me a soft kiss on the lips.

“You taste like rubbing alcohol”, he said wiping his mouth.

I just shrugged as he placed his arm over my shoulder holding me up. I saw Tim in the corner of my eye whispering into Moose’s ear looking over at me. John brought me over to the small kitchen right next to Tim and Jared.

“You didn’t drive here, right?”

“No motha fucka”, I said with a laugh.

“She’s totally trashed”, Jared said with a laugh looking over at John. “Where the fuck were you?”

“Francis’.”

“That asshole got you all drunk?” John asked looking over at me, anger in his eyes.

“I got drunk on my own, so relax.”

“Here”

I looked over at the water bottle that Garrett handed me. I took it from him but just held it in his hand making them all laugh. Moose walked over to me, grabbing me out of John’s arms holding me close to him as they all talked. I reached over putting the bottle down and then grabbing the beer out of Moose’s hand making Jared and Kenny laugh.

“Calm down Ms. Alcoholic Anonymous.”

“Your sister trashed”, Loren said looking over at Pat.

I looked up at Pat and he looked beyond sad. I just rolled my eyes watching as John grabbed the beer out of my hand. I hated that they were treating me like a little baby. I got out of Moose’s arm and started to walk off.

“Where the fuck are you going?”

“Where are you going?” Both John and Tim yelled after me.

“To the bathroom, if that’s okay with you two.”

They just put up their hand as everyone else laughed. I turned around walking down the hallways.

“Go with her just in case she throws up.”

I turned around seeing John standing behind me. I rolled my eyes walking into the bathroom locking the door behind me. I took a seat on the toilet, grabbing out the little baggy from my leather jacket. I cut up a line on my compact mirror; well it was more of a ball. I brought it up to my nose, sniffing back everything. I made another big ball, before sniffing it back up. I flushed the toilet throwing the shit back in my pocket walking to the sink. I held on to the sink, feeling my world spinning around. I looked up in my reflection; I watched the red liquid falling from my nose. I just laughed before wiping it off. I turned on the water, washing my hands before splashing the water onto my face. My nose was done bleeding, thankfully. I just stared at myself, the world spinning as I clutched down on the sink.

“Are you okay in there?”

I rolled my eyes hearing him knock on the door. I reached over opening the door, pulling John by his shirt pulling him into the bathroom. I pushed him against the door, making it shut. I leaned in kissing him lips. He pulled away with a laugh.

“Maybe I should take you home?”

I just laughed leaning in, licking his lips. I reached over opening the door, John grabbing me from my waist holding me up. We walked out the hallway and I just kept walking out the door. I heard John tell them he was going to take me home. He held on to my hand, helping me down the stairs and into his car. He got in as we started to drive off to my house.

“Can we go to the park?”

“Of course”, he said smiling over at me.

We got the park, only a block from my house. He grabbed my hand as I ran off to the slide. He followed me laughing at how ridiculous I was acting, spinning around in the sad before I collapsed on the jungle gym. John walked over, lying down next to me. Our heads connected. I felt him turn to look at me, but I just kept my eyes shut. I felt his hands grab mine in his, lacing our fingers. We laid like that for awhile before we sat up, sitting Indian style. Our knees touching.

“Erin.”

“Yes?” I asked looking from the sky to John.

“I love you.”

“I love you too John.”

“No, I’m in love with you.”

I looked at him, all seriousness in his face. I don’t know what came over me, I started to feel sick. The feeling in my stomach stomping from words coming out of my mouth. He stared at me, grabbing my hands into his.

“I’m in love with you Erin, I love you.”

“No you don’t”, I said finally able to let words fall from my lips, making him laugh.

“Yes I do.”

“How can you?”

“I fell for you, hard in fact.”

“You’re lying!”

I felt myself getting angry; he just sat there looking at me. I stood up from where I was, pulling my hands from him. He looked up at me, confused.

“You can’t love me, you’re Emily’s! You love Emily, not me. Not a fuck up like me.”

“Where are you going?”

“I need to get the fuck out of here.”

“Wait Erin!”

I just ran, ran as fast as I could. I walked into my house, walking into the kitchen. The plate on the table, pissing me off. I grabbed the plate and with a scream I threw it down on the floor. I grabbed the cup next to, throwing it on the floor.

“What’s going on down there?!”

I saw the lights turn on from the stairs, and both of my parents running down the stairs. A bat in my dad’s hand, in his stance. They both stared at me, the bat being placed to my Dad’s side as they stared over at.

“Erin?”

I felt the pain in my hands and feet. The glass cutting my skin, the blood dripping onto the white flower. My parents stared at me, tears in their eyes before they pulled me away from the glass, holding on to me. I just cried, I cried until I couldn’t cry anymore.