Lack of Color.

Erin.

I laid there, the damp grass smoothed under me, seeking through my clothes. I stared up at the clouds, the dark sunglasses covering my eyes from the mean sun. I felt my body numb and I couldn’t feel my lips. I felt Francis shift next to me, and I could feel him staring at me. I didn’t dare say a word to him. Since he found out about John and me, he’s been skeptical about where my head was. And too be honest, I was looking for that thing. Been missing since the day I met the Devil.

“So when is John coming home?” Francis asked looking down at my phone, answering my texts for me.

“He said in a month, and then he’ll be home for two days and then back on the road.”

“And you agreed to this relationship, why?”

“I’m in lust.”

“Lust makes you do stupid things, but love causes you to do the biggest mistakes of your life.”

“Preach! Preach!”

I just hear him laugh, and then taking the spot right next to me. I felt my back wet but I didn’t really care. I looked over at Francis, just staring at him. Big smile on my face, he looked back at me with a smirk.

“Yes?”

“I would totally fuck you.”

“Oh really?”

“I would, you’re hot.”

“Please stop feeding my ego, it is impossible for this thing to get bigger.”

“Oh I love you Francis.”

“I love you too Doll.”

“Do you have snow?”

“I stopped doing that, I told you.”

“Why would you do such a thing?” I asked laughing feeling my eyes roll from side to side.

Thank god for sunglasses.

“Because it’s the devil, you should stop too.”

“Nope!”

“Erin, please for me?”

I shook my head with a laugh making him sigh rather loudly, or was it just loud to me. My hearing was amazing when I was high.

“For Emily?”

I felt anger rise up in me, I looked over at him. I finally just stood up, whipping off the grass residue. Feeling the cold air hitting my damp back.

“Erin, wait.”

I didn’t say anything but just walked off. Down the street to my house, the tears in my eyes begging to fall out. I walked into my house, seeing my parents sitting there eating dinner. Dinner was always an early thing in our home. They both stopped eating and looked over at me.

“Erin, where have you been?!”

I watched my father stand up, anger in his voice. I stood there; suddenly I was 5 years old again. I looked over and saw little Pat and Little Tim sharing the same look on their face. We would always break shit in the house. I looked over at my brothers suddenly disappearing and a giggle came out from my mouth.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?!”

I snapped out of it, just staring at my father practically in my face. I looked past him and saw my mother sitting at the table looking like she was close to tears.

“Mom are you okay?”

“No, she’s not. She’s worried sick about you Erin. I’m worried sick, what’s going on with you? You haven’t been home in a week.”

“It hasn’t been a week, I just left yesterday.”

“Erin, it’s been a week.”

“Oh”, I said with a smirk.

Shit, that must have been good shit. I looked down at my phone seeing that John was calling me, I pushed ignore and then looked back at my Dad.

“I want you to take a drug test.”

“What the fuck, why?”

“You know why”, he said staring down at me with disgust, like he didn’t recognize me.

“I’m not taking the fucking test.”

“Yeah, you fucking are.”

“No! Just leave me the fuck alone!”

“Erin Marie, get back here!”

I felt my skin boiling and the anger rising up in me. I needed to drink; I needed a bowl and then a line. I needed to not be as sober as I was. I could hear my Mom crying and she stood from the table walking over to me.

“What is your guy’s problem?!”

“You need help baby”, my Mom said through tears.

“You guys need help! You need to leave me alone!”

“Honey, we love you.”

“Fuck you!”

I watched as my parents stared at me, tears streaming down their face. I needed the Devil to do its wonders on me. I grabbed my purse and walked out the door. Slamming the door behind me, hearing my parents cried after me. I got in my car and drove off, seeing them both in my rear view mirror. I looked down at my phone, hitting up good old Derrick. Once I got to his house, I was greeted with a rough kiss on my lips. I didn’t care at this point, once that line was made out for me I was in bed with another demon. The lines were nonstop, the feeling of floating was all I could feel. The Devil took control of my body.