I Found Myself Falling...Not For the Right Thing Either

“Jake.” I heard a girl voice giggle. I wasn’t sure who it belonged to and nor did I care. I was trying endlessly to get even a minute of sleep. I had gotten an hour last night, only an hour. It was horrible. Groaning, I rolled over and slammed a pillow over my head.

He had brought some girl home from a party last night. I luckily couldn’t hear anything until he opened his room door this morning, thank god! I wasn’t in a mood either.

I was torn. Kent was my boyfriend. I was supposed to be committed to him for the time being, not making out with the same guy behind his back. I was positive that he wasn’t doing that to me. I wasn’t just some girl to mess with and I knew Kent wouldn’t do that, it wasn’t in his nature.

So, why the hell was I doing it? I had never been that girl. Never that type! So, why had I changed? Ever since that stupid kiss on the beach, I couldn’t let Craig leave my mind. He was always in there; he even pushed Kent out for the most part! Maybe it was him, his womanizing ways. He was just using me.

That was it! Craig has been just playing me, nothing more. His expert skills were wearing off on me. I was playing with Kent like he was playing me.

Something in my heart pinged and suddenly the idea was dropped and everything changed to a whole different level.

Was Craig really messing with me? Has this whole time just been some fun for him? Messing with me just to get back at me for the things we would do to each other in the past as part of our little game?

“Shh!” The girl gasped, shushing Jake as his door opened again and I could hear footsteps. He said a few words that I couldn’t make out as I crammed the pillow against my ears, but I heard her gasp and then a soft moan come from her.

“Ugh!” I grumbled, throwing my pillow aside and jumping out of my bed.

It was bad enough that I had Kent and Craig both on my mind, but little to no sleep… that was not a good mix for me.

I didn’t care to put anything more on than spandex shorts and a tank-top as I threw my bedroom door open and opened my mouth, ready to yell, but it never came. Instead, it dropped even further open as I took in what was standing before me.

My brother and his whore that he brought home… well, she wasn’t really a whore. She was more like my best friend.

“Katie?” I whispered. Both of their heads snapped around, eyes widened with shock.

“Shit.” Katie squeaked. Jake just gulped as I stared between the two. They were really close, in each others arms really. They weren’t even hung over either. Actually, they looked full awake as they stared back at me, none of us saying anything.

The silence continued for a few more moments, making everything really awkward if I might add. I sure as hell wasn’t going to be the one to speak up first. They could explain to me… or actually, don’t explain. I didn’t want to know what dirty little deed they had done all last night.

“Rae, it’s not what it looks like.” Katie started, her eyes pleading.

“Then what is it?” I asked, trying hard not to raise my voice. Neither of them answered me. They just looked between each other as if trying to come up with some lie that would work perfectly. After a minute or so passed I sighed, closing my eyes and running and hand through my hair. “I’m going back in my room and we don’t have to get into this.” I told them, turning and on heel and hurrying back into my room.

As soon as I was safely in my bedroom again, I opened my eyes and let an even bigger sigh. This one was definitely full of frustration. I pressed my back against the wooden door and slid down until my butt hit the floor. I could softly hear the two whisper a few words before descending down the stairs.

I had wanted to talk to Katie about this all. Ask her about it, anything and everything, but now… sorry to say, but that isn’t an option. By the way James was partying last night and flirting with all of the guys… he’s out too. He’s either hangover as hell or in another guy’s bed right now, asleep.

“Ugh!” I moaned, placing my hands over my face. “What the hell am I supposed to do?” I asked aloud, shaking my head in my hands.

♥

“Welcome back students and staff! Over the holiday break…” I tuned out the annoying announcer on our school’s speakers and tried to focus and where I was headed.

It was our first day back and I wasn’t in the mood to see anyone. I had been cooped up in my room all yesterday, sitting alone with my thoughts. I tried my best to think of any right thing to do, but nothing came to mind.

I was just left confused…

Nothing made sense! Craig and Kent, Katie and Jake… Liz who I had thought was my best friend. Everything was messed up and I didn’t have the guts to face anything.

That’s what brings me to the present; walking down the hallway with my head bowed down and eyes averted elsewhere so I couldn’t catch anyone by accident.

“There you are!” I internally groaned at the voice that called over to me. I was actually hoping very much that it was James or someone that I didn’t have my mind on, but of course; I had terrible luck. I put a fake smile onto my face and looked up to see Kent. He was smiling like crazy as he walked over to me and pulled me into his arms.

“Here I am.” I said chuckling nervously, holding back any urges to move away. I felt like I had betrayed Kent, once again. He pulled me to him and pressed his lips against mine.

I pressed my lips into his, trying my best to imagine that it felt nice, amazing even, but nothing came. No fireworks or sparks. No butterflies in my stomach, nothing. Frowning, I pressed harder; really trying. Nothing happened though and it couldn’t because Kent pulled away. I opened my eyes, but only to find him staring down at me, frowning.

“What?” I asked, frowning as well. Why the hell was he frowning? He didn’t have my problems!

“What’s wrong?” He asked, his eyes sparkling.

“What do you mean?” I asked, trying to play along.

“Rae, you can’t fool me. I’m not an idiot.”

“Never said you were one.” He narrowed his eyes.

“There’s something wrong and I can tell.” I averted my gaze.

What the hell was I supposed to say to him?

Sorry Kent, but I don’t like you like I used to.

“What?”

“What?” We both stared at each other for a few moments, neither of us moving.

“Did you just say what I think you said?” he asked, pulling away from me.

“What did I say?” I asked, confused. I bit my lip. I hadn’t said anything, I just- “Oh shit.” I gasped, stepping away and my hand flying to my now opened mouth. “Did I say that out loud?” I asked, shocked. Kent only nodded in response. “Oh my god Kent, that’s not what I meant to say, out loud at least.” I mumbled the last part to myself.

“Rae, I’m pretty sure you did or you wouldn’t have even thought about it.” Kent told me, glancing over his shoulder as the hallways cleared for first block.

“No Kent, that’s not it. I really didn’t mean-” I didn’t bother to finish my sentence as the bell cut me off signaling that first period had started.

These past few days just kept getting worse!

“Rae…” Kent sighed, running his fingers through his blonde hair, his blue eyes holding a secret emotion; almost as if it were hiding behind another. “It’s Craig, isn’t it?” My mouth fell agape.

“How could you think that?!” I gasped, how did he know? He groaned loudly, stepping another few steps back.

“Rae, I’ve seen the way you two look at each other! The way you’re around each other! It’s changed. You two couldn’t even handle being in the same room as each other and now, well now you two can’t stay apart!” I went to interrupt him, but he cut me off, “You two were all nice to each other after the carnival and then you two kiss! You acted like nothing happened, but those weeks that I didn’t talk to you, they were tortuous for me! It wasn’t just not seeing or talking to you, no. It was the way every time I turned around he was looking at you or the opposite way around.”

I felt my eyes fall to the floor. I couldn’t think of things to say and I couldn’t look up at Kent. I thought Kent’s rant was over, but unfortunately for me, he continued.

“I heard about the party too. It just so happens that Craig and Liz break up as soon as we get back together! Like, what the hell?! At first I thought, nothing wrong with that, but this morning the two were fighting.” I felt my eyes get watery, two nights ago flashing across my vision. Their fight, our kiss…

“Kent, I-”

“You know Liz was absolutely ripped apart. I kind of felt bad until I heard what Craig told her. Craig told her ‘it’s not you, it’s someone else.’” My eyes snapped up and a single tear slipped from my eye’s boundaries. I blinked a few times letting Kent’s words sink into my head.

His eyes were now as watery as mine. My heart was crushed.

How could I have done this to him?

“The worst part was looking up at Craig and knowing exactly who it was that he was talking about…” His voice trailed off as he looked down, taking a few breaths. “I had really thought I had found someone I cared about, but-” I didn’t let him finish for I finally got the words in that I had so badly wanted to say.

“Kent, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean for this to happen, I just- I just can’t explain it. The things I feel, I’m so confused! This whole weekend I’ve been trying to make sense of things, but nothing makes sense; you, me, Craig, Liz, Jake, and Katie. God!” The tears finally burst from my eyes, causing me to sob heavily.

It was all true. Everything he had said, everything I told him. I didn’t have the same feelings and it took a fight to do it.

“I’m sorry!” I balled, sobbing still. I felt warm arms wrapped around my body as I continued to sob. Kent rested his chin on the top of my head, holding me close as he shh’d me.

“Rae, Rae, stop crying, please. It’s not your fault.” He whispered into my hair.

“You-you can’t tell m-me that it’s not my fault!” I argued, tears leaking through my eyes still. “It’s my entire fault, this whole thing. I should’ve told you from the beginning, starting with the beach!” His thumb started rubbing circles on the small of my back as he held me close, whispering to me that it was going to be alright, but I didn’t believe him.

I had fallen for my brother’s bestfriend and I had taken him on the journey with me, messing with his heart along the way, messing with my own.

“I love you Rae. I know you don’t love me, but I’m serious when I tell you, I love you.” Kent murmured into my hair, letting me cry into his shirt in the middle of the abandoned hallway…