Danger Line

Time flew by very quickly. Two months had passed since I arrived back home and I was finding more of my old self more and more. Things between Matt and I were great. We still weren’t intimate with each other, but we were getting to know each other again. It was nice to remember that he was my best friend before he was my husband. We joked around and talked about old times with my older brother and then the time after my brother’s passing. He joked about how he used to want to beat up every guy I dated.

The more time he and I spent in the studio the more we connected. I smiled more and the nightmares were almost every other day. I was considering moving back with Matt. I missed him in the mornings. I longed to be in his arms.

Whitney and Zacky’s wedding was just a month away. I helped her out with whatever I could. The girls and I spent a lot of time together and it also helped me get my old self back. It reminded me just how much I loved them. Whitney had become a close friend so quickly. It was like we were friends for a long time. I couldn’t wait for the wedding. It was going to be beautiful.

Eli and I did get to spend time together. I met his parents and they were so amazing. They had welcomed Matt and I. I took Matt to let him know that I wasn’t ashamed of being married to him. I had nothing to hide. Eli’s parents were thrilled to have us. That evening we spent it talking and it was a great time.

Matt was more lenient about my relationship with Eli because we were going to couple’s therapy. He shared how he felt like he was losing best friend, not just his wife. That hit home. I didn’t want him to feel left out. It was the last thing I wanted.

Dr. Thomas recommended that Eli go to a group who experienced what we did. Of course, not many went through what Eli and I did, but it was nice to hear other’s people experiences. They had PTSD like us. Life seemed to be going great, more than great.

I was writing again.

I had a song I wanted to show Matt, but I couldn’t sing it.

I was going to trick him into singing it for me.

Matt and I were home alone. Damien was at school and it was a break day from the studio. I found Matt at his office. He quickly sent me a smile.

“Hey,” he said.

“Hi, I have something to share with you.”

His eyes lit up. “Of course.”

We went to the chairs where we could face each other. There was a coffee table between us, so I placed the notebook on the table and I positioned the guitar so I could play it. He raised an eyebrow.

“I want you to sing that song,” I told him. “I’ll play and you’ll sing.”

We met each other’s eyes. I could tell that he wanted to ask something, but he reconsidered it and then picked up the notebook. He read through the lyrics for a minute and then his eyes widened. He looked up at me.

“You wrote this,” he murmured.

I giggled. “I did. Jimmy isn’t the only genius.” I winked.

He laughed and relaxed. “This song is really heartfelt. I can tell it’s you.”

“Let’s try it then,” I said and hit the first note.

Matt and I were synched because he started to sing at the perfect time.

“Yeah, you've been alone. I've been gone for far too long. But with all that we've been through. After all this time I'm coming home to you. Never let it show the pain I've grown to know 'Cause with all these things we do
it don't matter when I'm coming home to you,” he sang perfectly. It was like he knew what I was expecting. “I reach towards the sky. I've said my goodbyes. My heart's always with you now. I won't question why so many have died. My prayers have made it through yeah. 'Cause with all these things we do it don't matter when I'm coming home to you.”

He stopped there and looked up at me with amazement in his eyes.

“I love you,” he placed the notebook down on the coffee table. I placed the guitar down too.

“I love you, too, Matt, always and forever.”

“Did you write this…” he seemed embarrassed to ask.

I giggled. “Yes, it’s for you, Matt.”

He crossed the space between us and crashed our lips together. I felt all of his love in the kiss. I stood up because the position we were in was awkward. I kissed him back showing him that I still loved him. That time didn’t change how much he meant to me.

When he pulled away, we were dazed and drunk off each other. I smiled like an idiot.

“I really liked that,” I whispered.

“Me too. I have something to show you.”

I raised an eyebrow and smirked. He rolled his eyes.

“Not THAT, geez. I’m not always thinking about sex.”

I continued to give him a look and he just laughed.

“Come with me,” he said and grabbed my hand and led me out of his office. “I found something that I put away a few months ago.”

“Where are we going?” I asked as we went up the stairs.

“The attic,” he said. He pulled the string that hung in the middle of the hallway and pulled the ladder down to get up there. He went first and I followed.

Matt went to the far end of the attic. I waited for him. It was dark up there and I was still shaky about dark places. I was fine with the room because the moonlight lighted the room at night, but the attic had no windows. I went back down and decided to wait for Matt down there.

“Could you get this?” he said. He had a box and I helped him by getting it. He climbed back down. I took a look inside the box as he pushed the ladder back up and closed the attic.

In the box there was a bunch of stuff. “What is this?”

Matt turned around and took the box. “It’s some things that I kept from your… funeral.”

I looked at the box with a curious look. Matt and I have not discussed my funeral. I didn’t even know if he took down the tombstone with my name on it. We went to our—er I mean--his room. He placed the box on the bed and we sat across from each other.

The first thing he took out was the flag he was given. Then he took out an album. The album was black and it had a dove at the front of it in white. He handed it to me and I opened it. My name was on the first page. It was done by pencil and it was beautifully decorated.

I turned page by page and there was artwork and some letters to me.

“Fans did this,” he said.

“I thought they hated me for being married to you,” I joked and he laughed.

“They knew how much you meant to me. Their utter support sort of surprised me. I didn’t expect such a big response. Some fans know how much you meant to the band. You were with us every step of the way.”

I looked through the album and I was so touched. Some of the letters were so moving. Someone sketched Matt and me and it was done so well.

“This is amazing. Why didn’t you show me before?” I asked.

“I… placed it deep in the attic. You know we have a bunch of shit and well a few months I go I couldn’t look at all of this. Even after almost two years, I just couldn’t.”

I placed the album aside and reached over to him and connected our lips together. We might not be intimate, but we still showed each other affection. We kissed a lot and we always held hands. We were on our way to recovery.

“I don’t ever want to lose you again, Kari,” he murmured against my lips. “I barely survived once. I can’t go through it again.”

“I’m not going anywhere, Mattie,” I assured him. “I’m here to stay.”

He smiled and kissed me again. He gave me a tender kiss that touched my very soul. It brought me to life. His touch was like warmth on a cold winter night. He slowed down the kiss even more and then he pulled away.

“Te amo,” I said in Spanish.

He grinned. “I love it when you say it in Spanish.”

I giggled softly. “I was thinking…” I started.

“About?” he asked.

“I think I’m ready to move in with you. Back with you… here… in our room.”

His whole face lit up like fire. “That’s great baby.”

“Yeah, I mean the nightmares are more calm now. I think it’s best to have you at night.”

“I guess that couple’s therapy is working,” he grinned.

“I guess it is.”

Matt and I spent the next couple of hours looking at the stuff in the box. There were some pictures of Matt and Damien looking down at a tombstone. Matt told me that the band made a video for me for the song Seize the Day. They used my tombstone for the concept of the video.

We went to his office to look at the video and I cried. The video wasn’t exactly about me, but I saw Matt really hurting in the video.

“It was so hard to be there,” he said. “It was my first time there since the funeral. Your parents used to go every weekend and put fresh flowers.”

“How about we take it down next weekend?” I offered. “We’ll break it.”

He laughed. “I like that idea. I’m sure Brian would love to.”

I laughed too and then we headed back upstairs to look at the rest of the stuff. In the stuff, I found my death certificate.

“I think we should burn this,” I lifted up the death certificate to Matt.

He grinned. “I think so too.”

“Ooh, let’s have a party for it. We’ll invite everyone. It can be like a bonfire.”

“Let’s have it at the beach then,” he said liking the idea. “We’ll have a big family reunion. My parents, yours and just everyone. We’ll fucking burn it with the whole family.”

I laughed. “It’s going to be great. I’ll start planning it and call everyone.”

We put the box in the closet. I kept the album out because I wanted to look at it later. There were so many letters I still have not read.

Matt and I went to pick up our son and then we came back home. We spent some family time together playing Twister. It was truly a great night and things were looking up.