365 Days To Live

Jack’s POV

You know when people say I saw the bright light or some saying along the lines, I never a light or anything for that matter. All I saw was darkness but I couldn’t help but wonder if I was dead, it wasn’t until I slowly open my eyes I saw a white walls; maybe I was dead. I wasn’t ready to die I still had so much to live for I wasn’t ready. As my vision became clear, I realize I was in the hospital, I never been so happy to know I wasn’t dead. The door slowly open I look to see Alex, his eyes were blood shot red, I could see the dried tears on his cheeks, we both look at each other before he ran over and hug me.

“ I thought I lost you, I never been so damn scared in my life. “ Alex said while crying.

“ I wasn’t going to leave you just yet, “ I said while hugging him back.

“ You don’t understand this time I thought I had lost you for good. When you fainted on the beach, you wasn’t breathing, it was as if you were dead. My whole world had stop, I couldn’t think straight. I can’t go through this again, I can’t keep going through this to know if this happen again would this be it, “ Alex said while looking at me.

“ What are you saying Alex, “ I ask with worry

“ Jack we can’t be together, I’m holding you back. I don’t wont you to suffer anymore then you have too. You are only holding on because of me, and it’s selfish of me to make you do that. I will be there for you until you go, but we can’t be together. This is for the better, “ Alex said while crying and looking at me in the eyes.

And for the third time my world had come to a stop, it was as if I was living my own nightmare but I couldn’t stop it from happing, as if I was watching it from my own point of view. I just look at him I was lost for words; the angry started to build up.

“ Get out! I don’t wont you anywhere near me. You fucking asshole, how can you be so damn selfish? You fucking think us not being together will make everything better? That in some magical way I wont die? So all this damn time you never really loved me, did you? This was all to make me better, right? I don’t ever wont to see you again, I’m leaving the band. If I have to live my own life by myself, to live every damn second as my last, on my own I will. I don’t need you in my life, so fucking leave. And I hope damn well you sleep good at night, “ I replied while trying not to break down.

I couldn’t even believe what was happening this wasn’t supposed to happen. It was he and I to the end, and now he wanted to throw it all away, just like that. I look at my head before realizing I had my ring on. I took it off and threw it at him.

“ Here’s your damn ring, “ I said after I threw it at him.

“ Jack please understand, this if for the better. I love you so damn much words can’t explain I know you’re angry but you don’t mean it. This isn’t easy for me, its fucking killing me. I don’t wont to hold you back anymore, I don’t wont you to suffer anymore, please understand that. I want to be there for you, please don’t throw me out of your life, “ He pleaded.

“ Understand? Understand what Alex? That you no longer wont to be with me? That you no longer wont to be with a dying person? Yeah I fucking understand alright, just get out. And don’t ever think about coming back. Three fucking years I wasted on you, three fucking years I wont ever get back. I fucking hope you can live with your self, “ I said in angry with sadness.

Three years I had wasted, three years I wont ever get back, all because I thought he loved me. Maybe dying wasn’t a bad idea anymore. That maybe I could escape from all this hurt, Alex no longer wanted me so why not die.
“ You know what maybe dying isn’t a bad idea after, at least I’ll be away from you, “ I said to Alex while looking at him with angry.

“ Don’t say that! Don’t you fucking dare say that, “ Alex yelled at me.

“ Why? Its true, I would be better off without being here. So for the last damn time leave, so I can fucking die in peace, “ I said in angry.

“ You know what, you want to die go ahead. I don’t fucking care, “ He yelled back before heading towards the door.

I look at the nightstand beside my bed, I grab the flowers in the glass vase that someone put there, and threw at the door.

“ Three fucking years I wasted on you Alex, three fucking years I wish never happen, “ I said without realizing what I was saying.

Alex just froze at the door as if he couldn’t believe the words that left my mouth either, I just kept looking at the back of his head.

“ I’m sorry you wasted three years of your life on me, I’m sorry you can’t take it back, “ He said before leaving the room.

I just kept staring at the door thinking maybe he would come back, or did I even want him to come back. Maybe this was for the better, me being without Alex might be a good thing after all. I don’t need to be with someone to live my life, I can just be as happy without him and that’s what I plan on doing.