I'm Missing You Again

[Month 4, week 1, day 2]
It was well past midnight, I think it was about quarter to two, when I started to feel immensely tired. I had gone against my promise not to drink a lot, and went to find Johnny every time I got another drink, making sure he knew just how much I was having. We ended up sitting together for about an hour, just taking drink after drink. I was pretty sure he was getting pretty wasted once I left him about an hour ago, but I knew I could barely walk a straight line.

"Fucking Johnny..." I mumbled to myself on the way to the kitchen for yet another drink. I looked around at the various people still awake. A person I didn't know so well was awake next to Val, who had fallen asleep on Matt, who was still awake, drinking, and laughing at whatever it was Johnny and Brian were doing together. They had made their own drinking game apparently, but I didn't get it. Maybe I was too drunk to understand what they were supposed to be doing. Or maybe they were just too drunk to realize what they were doing.

There were other assorted guests asleep on the couch and chairs, like Michelle was passed out on the couch, mouth open slightly and beer in hand. The sight made me laugh a bit to myself, and I accidently bumped into the chair of that was holding a half-asleep Zacky Baker, the other guitarist for Avenged Sevenfold.

"Mm sorry. Just gotta, need more." I held out my empty cup for him to see, and maybe he would understand what I couldn't explain with words. His eyelids were struggling to stay open, and he rearranged himself in the chair he had claimed as his own.

"S'fine. Wanna bring this out there for me too?" He held out the bottle he had been holding in his hand, and I took it, almost dropping it in the process.

"I gotcha. Go back an' sleep. Need rest, 'cause it's a long night. Well not really, but we started early. Fun though, but fuckin' Johnny made me drink, fuckin' called me lightweight..." He laughed quietly at my slurred speech.

"You're the one who needs to fucking sleep, you sound terrible." I stuck my tongue out at him, and smiled a goofy smile. My brain felt cloudy, and it took every bit of concentration I had to make it to the kitchen and not fall over. I could barely see, and it felt like I was going cross eyed half of the time. I was beyond tired, and beyond drunk. It had been ages since I've been up this late, and drank this much, and I think it was just too much too soon.

As soon as I poured myself another drink, I took a sloppy sip, spilling a bit down the front of me. I mumbled "fuck", and went along trying to dry it up with a napkin. When I had thought I got most of it, I walked back out, heading back to Johnny to show that I was now on drink...well, even I didn't know at this point.

I grabbed his hand, "Hey, hey look here's one more." I took another sloppy sip and laughed. He laughed too and chugged the rest of his, even though most of it ended up on him and the floor. I felt a bit bad that Val and Matt's house was suffering, but it wasn't like we never helped them clean up.

"Johnny, you're fucking spilling it all over the place!" Brian punched him in the arm, making Johnny turn and punch him back. They laughed drunkenly about it all, and I just shook my head.

"Wait, I'll be right back, I need to head to the bathroom."

"With your drink?" I looked down at my hand gripping the cup loosely.

"Yeah, if I leave it here you'll drink it!" I giggled, and headed to the bathroom. To be honest, everything was blurring together at this point. I didn't feel like I was even in my body. I started to realize that a little while ago, but I was trying to ignore it. I noticed that the more I drank, the more every single thought went away. So instead of letting my memories haunt me for the night, I decided to drink them all away, like I tried not to do whenever I got my hands on anything alcoholic.

However, once I got into the bathroom, I looked into the mirror, and studied my face. My eyes were red and tired, my dark hair was falling out of its clip, but it wasn't a mess. I had a few slightly darker spots on my navy t-shirt from spilling stuff, but that was okay with me. Everyone looked terrible after a party.

But as I went to put my drink down and wash my face in an attempt to wake up, I got a head rush, and quickly stood up. Too quickly, as I fell backwards and hit my head on the door on the way down. It didn't really hurt much, but I felt my head starting to throb. I figured that would keep me from thinking about Jimmy and everything, but I was wrong. One of the last times I had been this drunk in this bathroom was bad, and I had an enormous wave of Deja Vu overcome me. It made me even dizzier, and I didn't bother trying to stand up.

Instead, I sat on the floor, face in my hands and knees pulled to my chest. I tried to focus on my throbbing head and nothing more. But I had become vulnerable once the Deja Vu hit. There was nothing I could do but sit there and let myself be overcome by the hauting thoughts that had been fighting their way back into my mind.