Wham Bam Thank You Ma'am

"What the hell are those?" Bam was standing in the driveway, one hand on his hip the other on his forehead staring at the contraptions DiCo called RV's. "This is so bad," he muttered before glancing at Ferin who was standing beside him trying to contain her laughter. Bam was right, it was so bad that it bordered funny.

"Please tell me you didn't spend any money on them Bran?" Ferin asked cautiously.

DiCo seemed quite pleased with his purchases. "Of course I did, you don't see beauties like these everyday. That place was like a fuckin gold mine."

Tash winced. "Do I dare ask how much?"

DiCo grinned. "Couple hundred each," he tapped one on the side. "These babies will do you guys just fine."

Bam laughed despite the fact that it was probably his money that bought the RV's. "What do you mean 'you guys'? Aren't you coming?"

DiCo gave them a look that clearly said hell no. "I ain't goin."

"What the hell?" Dunn scowled at him. "You buy these pieces of shit and you're not even coming?"

"That's probably why he did it," Ferin mumbled.

Bam heard her and grinned. "They'll work though, we don't have time to find different ones."

Tash's eyes widened like she expected a different answer from the king of pranks. "You're not serious are you? There is always time to find better transportation."

There was one thing that Ferin learned early on that Tash clearly hadn't. The more you complain about something, the more intent the boys become on using that complaint to their advantage. And this was no exception.

"Get your stuff," Bam grinned as he turned around and headed for the house. "We're taking them."

"Oh dear god," Ferin sighed as she moved with the group towards the house.

"Hey Dunn!"

Dunn hurried past her to catch up to Bam. She watched as Bam handed him his credit card. Dunn then turned back around and headed for his vehicle.

"You do realize what you just did right?" Tash asked Bam for her.

Bam nodded and headed into the house with everyone right behind him.

"Ape!" Bam yelled loud enough to break windows. "Phil!"

Ape came up the stairs from the pirate bar carrying a pile of clothes. "What do you want now?"

"Are you packed?"

She stopped and turned to face her son. The word 'pack' coming from his mouth always meant that something was up. "Packed for what?"

"We're going to Illinois. DiCo already got the RV's, you and Phil need to hurry your asses up and get ready."

"Do we seriously have to go Bam? I have to work and your dad was going to mow the lawn."

"Pffft," Bam waved his hand in the air. "That's what landscapers are for, besides DiCo will be home, maybe he can buy some more sheep to mow the lawn."

"DiCo?" Ape questioned. "He's not staying here all alone?"

"Yes he is Ape, now hurry the hell up," he pushed her gently towards the stairs.

"If I ever did that to my mother she'd murder me," Ferin noted aloud as she approached Bam from behind.

"Who's going to clean up the hummer?" Tash asked.

Bam shrugged. "DiCo's on it."

"You leave alot to DiCo don't you?" Ferin stated rather than asked.

"Yes," Bam answered before giving them a shove towards the stairs as well. "Seriously get ready, we aren't gonna wait forever."

***********************************************************

Fifteen minutes later Dunn had returned and Ferin now stared at the zipped up travel bag laying on the bed. Was she seriously going to do this? Just hop into one of those god for saken RV's with the ultimate Jackasses? Nothing like putting your life on the line she thought.

She nearly laughed as she picked up her bag and headed into the hallway to see Ape and Phil coming out of their room. Poor Ape was in the same boat, only she hadn't seen the RV's yet.

"You ready for this Ape?"

April rolled her eyes. "This kid is going to be the death of me. Why can't I just have a normal life?" She rested her forehead on Ferin's shoulder.

Ferin was about to tell her how great her son really was but she stopped herself. Ape already knew how great he was. Sometimes she just got overwhelmed. They stepped outside and Ape stopped dead in her tracks nearly dropping her bag to the ground. "What the hell are those?"

DiCo grinned. "RV's."

Ape still looked confused.

"You know, Recreation Vehicles," DiCo laughed.

Ape glared at him and smacked up upside the head. "I know what it stands for DiCo."

Dunn was deep in thought. "No, no, they are Radical Vehicles."

"I think it should stand for Ruins Vacations," Ferin muttered.

DiCo wrapped his arm around Ape's shoulder and ushered her towards the mud covered, rusting, old and stale smelling RV's.

"These are bad Bam," Phil added as he followed Ape and DiCo towards them.

Raab came barreling out the front door with his bag in hand. "Who goes where?"

"Half in one, half in the other," Bam stated. "So hurry up."

Ferin climbed into the one she considered to be the best of the worst. She was followed by Tash, Johnny, Dunn, Raab and Bam. Jimmy Pop, Evil Jared, Rake, Phil and Ape crawled into the other RV. They had no idea that Vito would soon be joining them.

********************************************************************

"He's not coming in this RV!" Ape yelled from the other RV through the walkie talkie Bam had in his hand.

Ape had just realized that they were stopped in front of Vito's house and Raab and Dunn had ran into the house to pack for the guy and drag him outside.

Bam pressed the button when she finished yelling and spoke into the walkie talkie. "Come on Ape, your RV only has five people, if Vito gets on ours, it won't be even."

"Bam!" the walkie talkie squealed. "This thing stinks bad enough already!"

Everyone started cracking up. Poor Ape, she got the shitty end of the deal all the time. Soon Dunn and Raab burst through the front doors with Vito in tow. He smacked Dunn and he promptly let go of his arm.

"Whuddayas up to now?" he mumbled breathlessly as Raab continued to drag him towards the second RV. "I have places to go and people to see," Vito continued as he leaned back causing Raab to have to move behind him and push.

"There is beer on the RV." Dunn knew that would work even though there wasn't, "and we'll find you a nice girl when we get there."

"Theres beer, there better be beer on this thing?" Vito growled as he slowly climbed in.

"We're off!" Bam yelled through the walkie talkie.