I Believe That You Belong to Me

I give up on the game of trying to sleep, and open my eyes. I didn’t sleep last night. I couldn’t. My mind had been racing so much it was impossible to rest. Edward Cullen is a vampire, a vampire that for some strange reason wants to be my friend. I believe him when he says he is a “vegetarian”. I believe him when he says he doesn’t want to kill me, but I still can’t help but feel anxious.

Last night, I felt fine. I felt comfortable enough to let him hold me, I joked with him, I even felt like I really could acquire a friend after years of only having my dad. But the moment he jumped out that window, so did whatever haze that had me compelled enough to believe I was safe. For that reason, I wasn’t able to sleep.

I have never been a good sleeper, I was often home alone and with the thoughts of my mother…well that’s another story for another time. The point is, I have a serious case of insomnia and the bronze haired, obsidian eyed vampire did nothing to help my ailment.

Edward may not want to kill me or cause me any harm, but he has made it quite clear that he feels tempted to. If I get a scrape or cut, if he’s thirsty and the wind blows the wrong way, when my special once-a-month gift arrives…he could kill me even without meaning to.

I’ve witnessed him lose control twice now, and both times he’d fed or I assume he fed. What if he slips up? What about the other six members of his family? I don’t know them and they don’t know me, they’d have no reason [i[not to kill me. My fear or rejection of them doesn’t physically harm them…

I jump out of bed, my heart suddenly racing. The fact that vampires are very real and very near, finally hit me. The fear I had felt before was quickly becoming rational.

I had every right to be afraid.

I was even justified in hating them.

The moment the word “hate” ran through my mind, my body was suddenly on fire.

I dropped to the ground, pain coursing through every inch of my body. It didn’t take me long to figure out why.

I didn’t want to hate him anymore.

Edward may be susceptible to his bloodlust, but he cares about me. He wants to befriend me. He wants to help me. He wants to make me feel wanted.

I can’t hate anyone that feels that way.

The pain stopped just as quickly as it came.

Only one person in this world has ever said that they loved me, one person that has openly expressed their care. Only one. My father.

Not even my own mother cared about me. From day one, she droned on and on about how I was a monster, how I shouldn't have been born, how she wished that my father had let her get an abortion. She told me I would never be loved by anyone, that I was doomed to be alone, that I would excel at nothing, and that I was the most hideous creature she had ever seen.

For years I tried telling myself that it wasn’t true. I figured that if my dad could love me and be proud of me, then she had to be wrong…but everyone else seems to agree with her.

I’m constantly picked on because of my looks and no one ever wanted to be my friend, so I gave up on trying when I was twelve. The only “friends” I’d ever acquired turned their backs on me or turned out to just be using me. My mother was wrong about one thing though, I may suck in the art department, be laughable in the sports department and have no clue in the computer department, but I do excel in other academics.

I hate school much more than the average teen, but I worked hard so I could impress my mother. When I was allowed to skip middle school I figured she would be happy and finally say she loved me…but again that’s a story for another time. Bottom line, Mom hates me, and only one person loves me.

Now however, I don’t just have my father’s love to fall back on. Edward seems to care too, and for that reason even if he does end up killing me…I can’t hate him.

I pick myself up off the floor with my heart still racing and enter my bathroom. Staring into the mirror I see that my hair is matted and damp, being that I was too lazy to wrap it up last night, my eyes are a darker shade of urine and I have nice and dark little circles under my eyes.

Sighing, I looked away from the mirror and proceed to do my daily routine. When I had finished and was dressed, I once again look in a mirror, the one on my closet door this time. I see that my outfit looked terrible, and more proof of my mother’s words; I am oddly shaped.

I sigh again and grab my bag, it didn’t matter what I wore or if I covered the circles under my eyes, I would still be made fun of all the same and Edward would still care…I hope anyway.

I locked up the empty house and prayed that the jewelry shop would open soon, and that I could spend a bit more time with my overly bubbly dad…I was actually starting to miss him.

I had only waited a few minutes when the elderly truck of Bella Swan came into view.

“Morning Bella,” I greeted buckling myself in.

“Mor-Ace are you ok?” She asked taking in my appearance.

“I’m fine, didn’t sleep much.”

“Edward told me he’d told you about…is that why you didn’t sleep? You don’t have to be afraid, he-

“That’s not why. I have insomnia, I just kinda ran out of cover-up,” I interrupt.

“I didn’t know you wore make-up.”

“Only enough to cover dark circles. My dad would have a fit if I wore anymore or if he even knew about the cover-up.” Not that my wearing make-up would do anything to attract boys. I ‘d have to wear contacts and become a magic wielding make-up artist too.

That’s another reason why I miss San Francisco, people there dress so oddly, that even though I wasn’t considered attractive, I was not considered a freak. I miss that. I only got to live there for two years, two measly years of not being considered a freaky outsider.

Bella didn’t press anymore on the subject of my appearance and we rode in silence to the school. We arrived just as the Cullens sans Edward were entering the school building.

Edward was leaning against his car waiting for his girlfriend. When he saw us he gave a small smile and helped Bella out of her truck. I gave a quick wave and turned to go to class, I didn’t want to see their morning smooching exhibit or anyone else’s for that matter. Seeing people kiss just reminds me that I will never be able to.

“Acerielle wait!” I heard his voice call. I halted my steps and waited as he stepped away from Bella and made his way to me. I watched curiously as Bella entered the school building alone, which was a rare occurrence.

“What’s going on? What’s so important that you willingly separated from your other half?” I half joked.

“I don’t get a good morning?” He asked, ignoring my questions.

“Morning Edward.” I rolled my eyes.

“Morning to you too, what happened…did what I say finally catch up to you?”

“No, I just ran out of-

“I’m a vampire Acerielle, I could see the circles under your eyes with or without that paint. I can even see you blush however rare that is.”

“Really? That’s kinda cool.”

“I’m serious, are you scared? From how deep they are you must’ve not gone to sleep at all.”

“Ok…I’ll admit I was…a tiny bit scared…but I had a revelation this morning…I don’t hate you.”

“I know…I can feel it.”

“Good, now let’s go to class.” I turned once again in the direction of the school’s doors and took a step only to have my arm pulled in the opposite direction towards his car.

“W-what are you doing?”

“Get in.” He ignored my question again.

“Edward I cannot, repeat cannot skip school.”

“Don’t worry, Alice will take care of it.” I sighed and got into the car that smelled too sweet for my liking.

He pulled out of the parking lot and turned onto the road that led to the highway.

“Where are you taking me?”

“You’ll see.” I really hate it when people say that.

“You won’t hate it when you see,” he replied as if I was totally comfortable with him reading my mind.

“You seemed comfortable yesterday. You felt perfectly at ease with cursing at me in English, Japanese and even Czech.”

Yeah, that was fun, and I can’t even get in trouble for it, because I never actually said the words, good times.