Rakastan
Not the End
Ville’s POV
When you love someone, you imagine it’s the fulfillment of life, that that person is the one, that nothing else can happen, no one else. My first love was Else and when her and Bam came back, it was like I was in the late 1990s again, almost eleven years ago. My heart had reopened for her but I realized that morning that it was never really my true love, just the first girl my heart had hurt for, had cared for. A true and first love can be the same person, but not Else. We hung out and I could see Bam longed for a reunion of the old days but after Else and I spent time together, we still loved each other but it wasn’t that love. I had skipped out on talking to Jaclyn, because Bam’s visits were demanding. He wanted to go everywhere and be seen. I remember being afraid he would get mad that Else and I hadn’t reconnected. The last conversation I had with Jaclyn, kept reeling in my mind.
“Ville,” Else shouted as she stood a few feet from me.
“Dude, are you coming?” Bam called running up to me.
“Yeah,” I said.
The three of us were snowmobiling, something I had suggested thinking of Jac.
“Your mind is in La-La-Land,” Bam laughed and pulled on my jacket.
“Let’s go,” Else shouted.
She had a date tonight and wanted to have time to get dressed. I took the front of the snowmobile again and reeved the gas. All I thought about was her.
My mind was in such a void thought that I almost crashed into a tree. I shook my head to clear my thoughts, but everywhere the wind whipped her laughter into my ears. I smiled remembering her bashful nature about saunas. How I missed her.
I brought the snowmobile to a stop.
“BAM,” I shouted ahead of him. Him and Else were still too far ahead. I shrugged my shoulders and turned the snowmobile around.
………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….
“Cal,” I spoke into the phone.
“Ville, where’s my script?” he demanded on the other end.
“It’s done, I can drop it off,” I said hastly.
“Good because my flight got delayed so you better hurry,” he barked into the phone as he argued with someone in the background.
“Hey, now! This was a favor,” I joked.
“Yeah, well I’m glad I got Jaclyn’s half before she left,” he spoke as he coughed.
“Wait you just said your flight got delayed,” I said perplexed.
“Yes mine. She gave hers to Taylor because I have a soiree tonight and won’t be back when she’s leaving,” he said again, his voice straying away from the mouthpiece to argue once again.
“Cal!” I shouted to get his attention.
“What?” he said annoyed.
“Where is she going?” I asked.
“Britain for some damn publishing company,” he said hurriedly.
“Listen, my flight is back on schedule. You better have that script on my desk Thursday morning,” he ordered.
I lost connection with him. I wasted no time in calling Taylor who was all too happy to oblige and give me Jaclyn’s current location.
I dashed to her apartment where the door was wide open and her floor was littered with cardboard boxes and suitcases.
“Hello?” I called.
“In here,” I heard her voice call back.
“You know I could be a serial killer and you just invited me in,” I said stepping around a huge box that had been filled with blankets and shoes.
She gasped and turned around. We stared at each other for awhile before she spoke.
“What are you doing here?” she asked.
“Thought you could use some help,” I said.
“Oh, so here to help me move,” she said sounding bitter.
I realized my words and tried to take them back.
“I mean, there’s no stopping you,” I said.
“Yeah actually there is. Cal called and gave me such a bad recommendation, they dropped their employment offer,” she said pulling the sheets off her bed.
I laughed at that mental image. He would do that.
“So now what are you going to do?” I asked.
“Well since Cal refuses to be helpful and wants to strand me here for his own exploitation, I assume I’ll move home,” she said and tossed a stray boot into the large box.
“Home?” I said.
I didn’t like the idea of her going anywhere.
“I bet Cal could put a few calls in and have you shut out of every job there as well,” I said.
“I bet you’d love that,’ she muttered.
“Of course I would,” I said too quickly.
“Well maybe he should then, since you’ve just expressed the wish that I not be within the vicinity of you,’ she expressed blatantly.
“Wait what?” I asked.
“If Cal’s going to have me fired from every job in Helsinki, then I’ll try every other city in Finland,” she said standing up observing me.
“Finland? I thought you said you were going home,” I said.
“Yeah, this is my home. I can’t leave it, who am I kidding? Sen’s staying here and he’s about the only family I have,” she muttered and picked up a small box.
“You’re moving to Helsinki?” I asked in disbelief.
“Yeah, don’t worry I’ll be sure to avoid you,” she said but her voice cracked.
I took the box from her and put it on the ground.
“Who are you staying with?” I asked.
“I don’t know yet. I need a job first,” she said and tried to go around me.
“Come stay with me?” I asked.
She looked at me in disbelief.
“Sen’s not the only one worth staying for,” I said and grabbed her hand. She tried pulling away but I only pulled her closer.
“Your bipolar attitude, I can’t handle. I can’t stand your cold shoulder anymore, I’m finally starting over for me,” she said still struggling.
“A first love makes you question things, but the way I feel right now, nothing about how I feel is questioned,” I said and held on tighter.
“Ville, please,” she begged pulling on her hands.
“I;m not letting you go or allowing you to force me out,” I said and pulled her face to mine with my hand.
“Don’t,” she whispered.
“Why?” I asked.
“I can’t breathe when your so close. I can’t breathe when you leave, when you’re here, I can’t breathe,” she hesitated and looked into my eye.
‘I can’t breathe without you, I can’t breathe looking at you,” I said honestly and before she could utter another useless protest, I closed the centimeters between our faces with a kiss.
When you love someone, you imagine it’s the fulfillment of life, that that person is the one, that nothing else can happen, no one else. My first love was Else and when her and Bam came back, it was like I was in the late 1990s again, almost eleven years ago. My heart had reopened for her but I realized that morning that it was never really my true love, just the first girl my heart had hurt for, had cared for. A true and first love can be the same person, but not Else. We hung out and I could see Bam longed for a reunion of the old days but after Else and I spent time together, we still loved each other but it wasn’t that love. I had skipped out on talking to Jaclyn, because Bam’s visits were demanding. He wanted to go everywhere and be seen. I remember being afraid he would get mad that Else and I hadn’t reconnected. The last conversation I had with Jaclyn, kept reeling in my mind.
“Ville,” Else shouted as she stood a few feet from me.
“Dude, are you coming?” Bam called running up to me.
“Yeah,” I said.
The three of us were snowmobiling, something I had suggested thinking of Jac.
“Your mind is in La-La-Land,” Bam laughed and pulled on my jacket.
“Let’s go,” Else shouted.
She had a date tonight and wanted to have time to get dressed. I took the front of the snowmobile again and reeved the gas. All I thought about was her.
My mind was in such a void thought that I almost crashed into a tree. I shook my head to clear my thoughts, but everywhere the wind whipped her laughter into my ears. I smiled remembering her bashful nature about saunas. How I missed her.
I brought the snowmobile to a stop.
“BAM,” I shouted ahead of him. Him and Else were still too far ahead. I shrugged my shoulders and turned the snowmobile around.
………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….
“Cal,” I spoke into the phone.
“Ville, where’s my script?” he demanded on the other end.
“It’s done, I can drop it off,” I said hastly.
“Good because my flight got delayed so you better hurry,” he barked into the phone as he argued with someone in the background.
“Hey, now! This was a favor,” I joked.
“Yeah, well I’m glad I got Jaclyn’s half before she left,” he spoke as he coughed.
“Wait you just said your flight got delayed,” I said perplexed.
“Yes mine. She gave hers to Taylor because I have a soiree tonight and won’t be back when she’s leaving,” he said again, his voice straying away from the mouthpiece to argue once again.
“Cal!” I shouted to get his attention.
“What?” he said annoyed.
“Where is she going?” I asked.
“Britain for some damn publishing company,” he said hurriedly.
“Listen, my flight is back on schedule. You better have that script on my desk Thursday morning,” he ordered.
I lost connection with him. I wasted no time in calling Taylor who was all too happy to oblige and give me Jaclyn’s current location.
I dashed to her apartment where the door was wide open and her floor was littered with cardboard boxes and suitcases.
“Hello?” I called.
“In here,” I heard her voice call back.
“You know I could be a serial killer and you just invited me in,” I said stepping around a huge box that had been filled with blankets and shoes.
She gasped and turned around. We stared at each other for awhile before she spoke.
“What are you doing here?” she asked.
“Thought you could use some help,” I said.
“Oh, so here to help me move,” she said sounding bitter.
I realized my words and tried to take them back.
“I mean, there’s no stopping you,” I said.
“Yeah actually there is. Cal called and gave me such a bad recommendation, they dropped their employment offer,” she said pulling the sheets off her bed.
I laughed at that mental image. He would do that.
“So now what are you going to do?” I asked.
“Well since Cal refuses to be helpful and wants to strand me here for his own exploitation, I assume I’ll move home,” she said and tossed a stray boot into the large box.
“Home?” I said.
I didn’t like the idea of her going anywhere.
“I bet Cal could put a few calls in and have you shut out of every job there as well,” I said.
“I bet you’d love that,’ she muttered.
“Of course I would,” I said too quickly.
“Well maybe he should then, since you’ve just expressed the wish that I not be within the vicinity of you,’ she expressed blatantly.
“Wait what?” I asked.
“If Cal’s going to have me fired from every job in Helsinki, then I’ll try every other city in Finland,” she said standing up observing me.
“Finland? I thought you said you were going home,” I said.
“Yeah, this is my home. I can’t leave it, who am I kidding? Sen’s staying here and he’s about the only family I have,” she muttered and picked up a small box.
“You’re moving to Helsinki?” I asked in disbelief.
“Yeah, don’t worry I’ll be sure to avoid you,” she said but her voice cracked.
I took the box from her and put it on the ground.
“Who are you staying with?” I asked.
“I don’t know yet. I need a job first,” she said and tried to go around me.
“Come stay with me?” I asked.
She looked at me in disbelief.
“Sen’s not the only one worth staying for,” I said and grabbed her hand. She tried pulling away but I only pulled her closer.
“Your bipolar attitude, I can’t handle. I can’t stand your cold shoulder anymore, I’m finally starting over for me,” she said still struggling.
“A first love makes you question things, but the way I feel right now, nothing about how I feel is questioned,” I said and held on tighter.
“Ville, please,” she begged pulling on her hands.
“I;m not letting you go or allowing you to force me out,” I said and pulled her face to mine with my hand.
“Don’t,” she whispered.
“Why?” I asked.
“I can’t breathe when your so close. I can’t breathe when you leave, when you’re here, I can’t breathe,” she hesitated and looked into my eye.
‘I can’t breathe without you, I can’t breathe looking at you,” I said honestly and before she could utter another useless protest, I closed the centimeters between our faces with a kiss.