No Time To Bleed

“Why can’t you even listen to me?! I am your wife and you’d do this?! What type of man are you?!”

My mother’s screams radiated through the house. I tried to hold them in, but the tears came sliding. I sat against the hallway wall, the stairwall railings ahead of me.

“You wasted all this time. Years of marriage to do this? I stayed home. I was faithful. I watched after your daughter. I made sure everything was okay. And it comes down to this…?”

What type of man are you? That seemed to be the question of the hour and even to this day, I could never figure it out.

“Jasmine…” Ricky appeared from his bedroom doorway.

Creamy skin, soft tufts of dark hair on his head, teddy bear in hand, and spaceman pajamas.

I turned to him wearily. “Yeah, Ricky?”

“Can I sit with you? Mommy’s screaming.”

I nodded. Ricky trotted over, the bear hanging from his teeth at the hand. His small backside sank into my lap. I played with strands of his hair.

“How’d this happen, Jazzy?” Ricky sounded near tears as he gnawed down on the bear’s arm, saliva dripping.

“I don’t know. People change. He changed.”

But, I didn’t know. Ricky was only 3 and the truth would just about be beyond his understanding.

“I will never be your wife ever! You are a shell of a man and I should have never left my family for this! It was all a mistake!” Her haggard screams vibrated the walls.

“Why do people change?” he asked.

“Because they don’t want their lives anymore. They take things for granted.” My next words were a whisper. “Shit happens.”

“I wanna stay here with you, Jazzy. You’re my sister.”

My own tears slid into his hair. “I want you to stay too.”

“Gladis, I know I messed up. I know I messed up really bad, but you can’t take this out on the family.”

A heavy thud hit the wall. “That girl is not my daughter! She is not!”

“You promised me you’d look after her, Gladis. You promised me.”

Their mother laughed. “Huh, I promised you? I don’t owe you anything anymore. You betrayed me. Simple.”

The sound of heavy fabric moving came next.

“Ricky…”

He continued to gnaw on the bear’s arm. “Yeah, Jazzy.”

“Don’t ever let your mom yell at you. It’s not nice.”

“Gladis, Gladis, please…” My father was begging now. He never begged.

The door to their bedroom opened and bolting out came Gladis, earrings dangling, scarf on her neck, luggage at her back, and in a rush.

“Ricky, come on. We’re leaving.”

Gladis came rolling by. She didn’t even look at me. Ricky nestled himself deeper into my lap.

Gladis stopped and turned in shock. “Ricky! Come on! I don’t have time for this!”

The bear’s hand left his mouth. “You can’t yell at me! She told me you can’t yell at me!”

“I don’t care what that leech said! You come with me! You’re my son!”

“You told me he was my dad!”

Gladis almost laughed. “Your dad is dead. That man was a replacement.”

That sent Ricky into a torrent of tears. Gladis came over and snatched him roughly.

Ricky was shrieking, trying to reach back for me. “My bear! My bear! Don’t let her take me, Jazzy! My bear!”

I would have sat there if it weren’t for his screaming. I clutched the bear in my hand.

“Gladis!” I went chasing after her. “Gladis!”

Her hand whirled around and slammed into my face with a thud. My neck spiked in pain and Ricky froze as well. Anger and cold was all that filled her eyes.

“You do not get to tell me what to do. It was all a lie.”

She left that day with Ricky as I clutched the bear in my hand. I had ruined everyone’s lives and even then I could feel my father’s stare on me from his bedroom’s doorway.

“You did this.”

He blamed me too.