Bitter Sweet Symphony

I need to hear some sounds that recognize the pain in me, yeah

~~~~ Next Morning – 11 a.m. ~~~~

I started to wake up and stretched out my legs and arms only to feel someone behind me. I tried to turn to look over my shoulders but there were arms around my waist that just tightened their grip on me.

Where the hell was I?

I looked down to see that I wasn’t wearing a shirt.

What the Fuck?

There was one arm around my waist on the top of the covers and one under the covers. I ran a hand along the arm on top of the covers. Tattoos covered the arm in a sleeve. I would know those tattoos anywhere.

Brian…

All of a sudden last night came flooding back to my mind.

The party, the slow dance, the kiss, the yelling, the…

Oh Shit…

The sex…

Every single moment came back to me. How gently he was and how he made sure I wanted what happened. And I did…only problem…I broke my rule big time.

I broke it so bad.

I felt Brian stir behind me and his arms loosen around my waist. I was able to turn around and face him. He was looking at me with a curious expression on his face.

Did he remember what happened?

Suddenly a look of knowledge came over his face and he pulled back from me just staring at me in shock.

I didn’t know what to do or say and obviously neither did him so we just stared at each other for a few minutes. Both of us completely silent and not moving.

I don’t know how long we just laid there. But what felt like an eternity later Brian sat up making sure the covers were covering his lower half. I decided to sit up too, pulling the covers up and holding them against myself.

Brian wasn’t even looking at me. He was staring straight ahead at the wall.

“Did we do what I think we did last night?”

I was fascinated with my hands all of a sudden.

“You don’t remember?”

“I remember…something…”

I stole a glance at Brian out of the corner of my eye and saw him glaring at the wall. I quickly looked away and tried to fight the tears starting to form in my eyes.

“Did we have sex?”

I took a shaky breath.

“Yes…I think so”

I heard Brian say a bunch of curse words under his breath before he moved and I felt him get off the bed and rummage around on the floor for something. I didn’t dare look up. I don’t know why but I was extremely embarrassed. I was regretting what had happened between us…I guess I was wrong in him wanting me like I wanted him.

I saw Brian come on my side of the bed and just stand there staring at me. I was glad my hair was completely undone so that it was hanging over my eyes and hiding the tears building in my eyes. I saw him pick up the condom wrapper that was still on the nightstand and throw it away.

“Well at least I was smart enough to use a condom” I heard him growl.

I looked up at him then to see that he was furious and I just felt it radiating off him and at me.

“Wha…”

But Brian didn’t let me finish. He started yelling at me.

“What the hell were you thinking!? You seduced me! I was drunk off my ass and you just led me on until I kissed you and then you just teased me and made me want you! I don’t know how the HELL you did it but I can’t believe you! What was your number one rule huh!? HUH!? You DON’T sleep with guys you work for! Well guess that rule is SHIT to you for you just waited until I was drunk off my ass and made a move on me! I can’t believe you”

The tears were starting to fall from my eyes. I was pissed that he was blaming this all on me.

“Excuse me!? YOU kissed me first at the party! YOU kissed me first when I came to talk to you! YOU carried me to your room! YOU got a condom! YOU started it and I was too drunk to stop it!”

“Oh just FUCKING GREAT! So it’s my fault huh!?”

“NO IT TAKES TWO TO TANGO SYN!”

“Not when ones drunk off his ass!”

“We were both drunk off our ass!”

“Still! I can’t believe you!”

Brian slipped his feet into a pair of flip flops and grabbed his room key and walked over to the door to his room and opened it.

“You’re such a fucking slutty whore bitch!”

Right has he slammed the door to his room shut behind him I heard the words leave my mouth,

“FUCK YOU ASSHOLE!!!!”

The tears erupted from me and started to fall from my eyes like a waterfall. I heard the hotel room door open and close. I couldn’t believe it.

He blamed me.

He left me.

I can’t believe I let him get to me like that.

Slowly and with my vision blinded by tears I put my underwear and dress back on. I grabbed my room key and made my way to the door leading into the living area of the room. I opened the door and peaked out. The door to Johnny’s room was shut so I rushed out not even bothering to shut Brian’s door and practically ran out of their room and across the hall to Jimmy and Leana’s room. I was sooo thankful that they were still asleep or at least in their room. I ran into my room and slam the door shut.

I wanted to just let it all go but I couldn’t. Not here. Not now.

I went over to my bag and pulled out my set of clothes for the day changing into them quickly. I threw everything I had brought with me into my bag. Leaving the hair clip and shoes Gena had let me borrow on the table in my room. I grabbed my clutch stuffing it into my bag and wrote a quick note to Jimmy and Leana.

I ran out of their room and all the way to my loft.

Once inside I let it all out.

I let my tears fall freely.

I didn’t even make it to my bed.

I slid down against the door to my loft and bawled.

I don’t know how long I just laid there on the floor just inside my door and cried.

But all I know is…

I’ve never cried so much in my entire life.