Bitter Sweet Symphony

Try to make ends meet

~~~~

Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, oh shit

OH SHIT

“SHIT! SHIT FUCK SHIT! JULIANNA! GENA!!!!”

I couldn’t believe it. I couldn’t believe that this day had come.

I was going into labor.

I was having Brian’s baby.

Julianna and Gena came running out from Julianna’s room and when they saw me standing there breathing heavy they raced up to me.

“What?”

“What’s wrong?”

“The baby…my water just broke…I’m going into labor”

“OH MY GOD!!!!”

Julianna ran out and grabbed my bag from my room and Gena grabbed my hand and started to walk with me to the door. We were on the 5th floor in this new apartment building. But thank god it was just the three of us in the elevator, because my first contraction hit and I grabbed my stomach and screamed out in pain. I couldn’t even heard what Gena and Julianna were saying…the only thing I heard was Brian’s voice that night…that fateful night nine months ago.

~~~~ An Hour Later ~~~~

“OH MY FUCKING GOD WHERE THE HELL IS THAT EPIDURAL!!!!!????”

I was in so much pain and I know that I wasn’t very pleasant right now. Gena had been staying with us until I had the baby just so that it wouldn’t just be me and Julianna. Julianna had called Caleb and he had showed up not long later and Gena had called Zacky and Johnny to tell them that I had gone into labor. They were getting on a flight soon to come out here.

But none of this was really registering. I was in so much pain that I was almost crying. I wanted Brian so badly right now. I wanted him there with me holding my hand. And not just because then I could squeeze the crap out of it but because I needed him. I needed the man who had broken my heart.

Suddenly Gena’s phone went off. She jumped up and grabbed it rushing out into the hallway. Julianna took her spot next to me and tried to keep me calm. But this was all too much. I didn’t want to be going through this. I didn’t want this to be happening.

Gena came back in moments later.

“Well the guys are getting on a flight in an hour. They’ll be here in like 4-5 hours.”

“Okay. Alina you hear that. The guys are coming”

Suddenly panic came over me.

“What guys? Not all of them!?”

“OH! No just Zacky and Johnny Alina. Sorry I should have been specific.”

“Ya think!”

“Calm down Alina”

“YOU TRY HAVING MASSIVE AMOUNTS OF PAIN THEN TELL ME TO CALM DOWN!!!!”

“Damn gurl I can hear you down the hallway”

“Not now Caleb!”

“Oh hey Gena. Zacky here too?”

“No not yet. He’s catching a flight now with Johnny.”

“Oh well that’s cool. Amazing how the boyfriends of two of your best friends can be here for you but the babby daddy can’t. Ass hole.”

Julianna and Gena just looked at me and I started to cry. Julianna walked over to Caleb and started smacking him upside the head and hitting his arms.

“YOU IDIOT DON’T MENTION THE FATHER!!!!”

She enunciated each word with a full fledge punch. Caleb ran for his life yelling a sorry has he went.

I couldn’t help but laugh a little.

“Thanks Juls”

“Anything for you hun”

I smiled for a second before the pain came again. Just then a doctor came in to check up on me.

“Nope only up to 5. Still a ways to go”

“Oh God really?”

“Yep just hang in there. They can come with your epidural now.”

“Thank-you Jesus!”

~~~~ 4 Hours Later ~~~~

It was almost time. I couldn’t believe it. The epidural worked wonders. I was soooo glad that I was able to get that. But it was starting to wear off now. Caleb was back in the room but sitting across from my bed in a chair. He learned his lesson before and was keeping his mouth shut. Gena had gone to wait out front for the guys who should be here soon. Julianna, however, didn’t leave my side. She was right there holding my hand and letting me squeeze it. Caleb let me squeeze his hand once before he wimped out and sat down and just waited it all out.

Men.

Suddenly Gena came rushing into the room followed by a breathless Zacky and Johnny.

“I think you two have set a record.”

“Well our best friend here’s having a baby”

“Aw I’m a best friend”

“Well duh!”

I smiled and both Zacky and Johnny gave me a hug.

I looked over at Caleb and asked him to get me some more ice. I was out and it was supposedly good to chew on ice when in labor. I don’t know I was just going with the flow. Once he was gone I looked at Zacky and Johnny.

“Did you tell him?”

“No. Though we did book it out of there during recording”

“Oh..I’m sorry you didn’t have to do that”

“No it’s okay. We told them that we may have to leave”

“Oh…okay”

“Did you want us to bring him?”

I looked away.

“No.”

I just knew that they were all exchanging glances but I didn’t really care. They all knew what I knew now. That I secretly wanted him here with me. I secretly wished that he was here with me. That he had cared for me. That he had made an effort instead of hiding behind his friends.

A few minutes later the doctor came in and checked on me. He smiled. God I hate when doctors smile.

“It’s time. You ready”

“Yeah I’m ready”

The doctor called in nurses and I was wheeled away to deliver but not before a quick kiss on the forehead from all three guys. Julianna and Gena were going to be in the delivery room with me. But I wish someone else was there.

The next minutes were all a blur to me. I just felt pain and encouragement from Julianna, Gena, and the doctor. The nurses were standing by waiting. I couldn’t believe this day had come. I just couldn’t believe it.

“Another push Alina I can see the head”

When told I pushed with all I had.

“Great Alina. Okay the head is out one more big push and it’ll all be over.”

“I don’t know if I can. I can’t”

“Yes you can Alina hun. You can. I’m here. Gena’s here. The guys are here. We’re all here ready to welcome this baby to our strange family. We’re all here.”

The tears flooded from my eyes. Everyone wasn’t here. One person wasn’t here.

“Come on Alina push…NOW!”

I gave one last push and just like that fateful night. Has I gave birth to our daughter I screamed out his name. But not in pleasure this time, but in pain.

When I heard her cry my body relaxed instantly. I looked at the doctor who was handing my baby to a nurse to be wrapped in a blanket.

“It’s a girl”

“Oh my God Alina she’s so cute”

“She’s beautiful hun”

Fresh tears fell from my eyes. Fresh tears of joy to mix in with the tears of pain that I have been crying for nine months straight. They handed me my baby girl to hold for the first time. I looked down at her. She was wrapped in a pink blanket. Her eyes were closed and she was still fussing until I held her in my arms. She had a full head of black hair. I just stared at her has I cried. She waved a tiny fist and opened her eyes a little bit. I saw a dark chocolate brown…

Brian’s eyes…

“Brianna…”