Bitter Sweet Symphony

Try to find some money then you die

~~~~

I held my daughter for a few more minutes just taking her in. The last part of my prayer hadn’t come true.

She looked just like her father.

Just like Brian.

From her hair, to her eyes, to her features.

Just great.

But once I saw her I knew that her name was going to be Brianna. She resembled him too much I would always think of him when I saw her. He was forever going to be with me.

“Miss we need to take your baby for a little bit while you’re getting ready for recovery.”

I looked up at the nurse and almost wanted to yell at her that no I wasn’t going to give up my only link to Brian. I wasn’t going to lose him all over again.

But that would have made me sound crazy so I reluctantly handed her over and the nurse put her in her little cradle bin thing and took her to the infant area. I was cleaned up and everything. Julianna stayed with me while Gena went to the waiting area to tell the guys that I had had a girl and she was probably going to tell them how I screamed out Brian right has she came out and that when I looked at her I called her Brianna. Somehow I knew she was going to be telling them every little detail.

Julianna stayed with me the entire time I was being wheeled back to my room for recovery. She stayed there until I fell asleep. I woke up a few hours later to find Gena and Zacky asleep on the couch across from my bed. I looked over and saw Julianna asleep in the chair next to me and Caleb was…on the floor? Yeah that boy is weird.

I slowly sat up and looked at the time. It was after midnight. I had slept for a good while. It was now June 16th which meant that Brianna was born on June 15th. I slouched down against my pillows and just laid there thinking of her middle name and if I was going to give her, her father’s last name or mine.

I don’t know how long I was just sitting there thinking before I heard Julianna stir next to me. She woke up and when she saw me awake she smiled.

“Hey there Alina babe”

“Hey Juls”

“How you feeling?”

“Tired”

“I bet”

I just leaned my head back and stared at the ceiling. Julianna just left me alone and went to go find a nurse probably to tell them that I was awake. I was right because a few minutes later a nurse accompanied Julianna back into the room.

“Hello there. How are we feeling today?”

“Good. Can I see my daughter?”

“In a few minutes. Let me just check to make sure your vitals are still good.”

“Okay”

When she was done she left to go call the nursery and I just waited until they wheeled my daughter in to me.

Brian and mine’s daughter.

Because I hadn’t officially given her name her cradle just said “Baby Girl Ives”

I reached in and picked her up holding her in my arms. She stirred and gave a little cry before settling back down in my arms. I couldn’t help but smile. She was beautiful. Absolutely stunning.

Just like her father.

I leaned down and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead.

“My Brianna…My Brianna Rose”

Julianna smiled and went to sit back down in her chair. I just sat there holding her for I don’t know how long when the nurse came back in to take her down to the nursery to see if she needed a changing or feeding. I reluctantly agreed again but she said I would have her back first thing in the morning.

I smiled and lay down on my bed and within minutes I was asleep again.

I didn’t wake up until 10am and when I looked over to my right side there was my baby in her cradle sound asleep. I smiled and sat up reaching over to pick her up.

Once she was in my arms my smile just spread out wider.

“Well lookie here. Someone’s sure happier now”

I looked up to see Gena and Zacky smiling at me. I couldn’t help but blush. I looked around but they were the only two there.

“Where’s everyone else?”

“Caleb left to go home to sleep some more. He said he’ll be back tonight to see you. Johnny and Julianna went to find some coffee. I imagine they’ve gone to the nearest Starbucks.”

I couldn’t help but laugh.

“Want to hold her?”

“Do I ever!”

Gena jumped up and walked over sitting down on the edge of my bed. I carefully handed her Brianna and she held her with ease.

“She’s beautiful”

Zacky walked over and stood over Gena and me. His eyes widened a little.

“Oh my God you weren’t kidding. She does look just like Brian”

Zacky looked up at me apologetically when he realized he said Brian but I just shrugged. To which he gave me a funny look.

“Her names Brianna…I just I’m kinda okay with hearing Brian now”

“Okay”

Gena looked over at me.

“You did good huh.”

“Thanks Gena.”

Zacky came over and gave me a kiss on the forehead.

“I wish you would tell him though”

“Maybe one day…I’m not sure.”

“Well I’m sure has Hell gonna be visiting my goddaughter!”

I laughed and hugged Zacky.

“Oh course Uncle Zack”

“No, no, no, no! I’m gonna be Uncle V”

Both Gena and I burst out laughing which caused Brianna to wake up and start to cry. I instantly reached for her has Gena handed her back to me and I rocked Brianna in my arms.

“Shhhh there, there I’m here Brianna. Mommy’s here”

“But Daddy’s not”

I looked up to see Johnny and Julianna. I couldn’t help but glare at Johnny.

“Not now short shit”

Johnny just shook his head and walked in with coffee for everyone but me. Hey I was going to be breast feeding. I couldn’t exactly start drinking coffee again.

Just then the records nurse came in.

“Is it okay to finish the birth certificate now?”

“Yeah it’s fine”

The nurse came over and stood next to me.

“Okay she was 21 inches long and 8 pounds 5 ounces.”

“Okay”

“First name?”

“Brianna”

“Middle?”

“Rose”

“Last name?”

I thought for a second before answering.

“Gates-Ives”

I could feel everyone looking at me. The nurse just looked at me as if to clarify.

“What?”

“Gates, G-A-T-E-S, dash, Ives, I-V-E-S”

“You sure?”

I looked down at our daughter.

“Positive”

“Okay if you’re so sure”

“I am”

“Not just to verify the parents’ information.”

Oh God

“Your name?”

“Alina May Ives”

“Can you spell Alina for me?”

“A-L-I-N-A”

“Okay just double checking. Now the father’s name and we have no record on who the father is. Do you know?”

“Y…yes I know the father”

“Do you want his name on your daughter’s birth certificate?”

I looked at everyone and they all shook their heads yes. I took a deep breath and looked at the nurse.

“First name Brian, Middle name Elwin, E-L-W-I-N, Haner, H-A-N-E-R, Jr.”

“Okay so that Brian Elwin Haner Jr.?”

“Correct”

“Okay I’ll get this all finished up for you and I’ll be back to have you sign it. Now is there any way the father can sign too?”

I gulped.

“Not really. Is it necessary?”

“No just preferable”

I watched has the nurse left. I looked down at Brianna.

“Brianna Rose Gates-Ives”

“Gates-Ives? Really?”

“Shut-up I thought Hanner-Ives or just Haner would be too obvious.”

“Because she doesn’t look just like her father”

I looked up at Johnny with fire in my eyes.

“Get out now”

“No”

“Now”

“No. I don’t think this is right. You’re putting his name on her birth certificate. Don’t you think you should oh I don’t know FUCKING TELL HIM!!!!!”

Just then Brianna started crying. I glared at Johnny.

“Get the Hell out NOW!”

Johnny left with Julianna close behind. I was able to calm Brianna down with a little help from Gena and Zacky. I was so close to crying.

“I stand behind you Alina. I may not agree but I understand your view and I’m behind you”

I looked up at Zacky with tears in my eyes.

“Thanks Uncle V”

Zacky smiled wide.

“Want to hold your god daughter?”

Zacky’s smiled grew even wider and I handed him Brianna. He held her cautiously and bounced a little has he walked around the room with her. She just stared at him and I bet you she was think what that heck is on his face.

Gena gave me a hug.

“I’m on your side too. But…just consider telling him sometime”

“I’ll consider it”

~~~~ Two Days Later ~~~~

Two days later I was ready to leave the hospital. I had Brianna all dressed up in one of the dresses Gena, Zacky, and Johnny had given me for her. It was the layered blue and flower print dress. She was so small and yet so big. I couldn’t stop smiling at her. The road ahead of us was long and unsure. But I had her with me and I just knew that everything would be okay as long as I was with her.