Bitter Sweet Symphony

You know the one that takes you to the places
where all the things meet yeah

~~~~ 6 Months Later ~~~~

Today was June 15th.

Exactly one year ago I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl who I named Brianna.

She turns 1 today.

So, of course, Zacky, Gena, and Johnny had flown out for today. Brianna was such a happy girl and was running around all over the apartment already dressed and ready to go.

She was such a ball of energy and completely happy for one years old. She learned to walk about a month ago and was now capable of running uneasily. Of course Zacky chasing her around wasn’t helping at the current moment.

Everyone who knew Brianna was coming over for her birthday and Alina had made a birthday cake for her. The coffee table was loaded up with presents and Brianna was just running around. She was so happy today.

Her hair was a little bit longer but not by much. She was taller and was at a healthy weight. She spent most of her time smiling.

I could’ve been blessed with a happier baby.

The only problem was that with each passing day she looked more and more like her father.

Suddenly I felt a little fist tugging on my skirt. I looked down to find Brianna looking up at me with her big chocolate brown eyes.

“Momma?”

“Yes my baby?”

“Up”

Brianna reached up for me with her arms. I smiled and picked her up. She gave me a big hug and kissed my cheek.

“Happy”

“Yes Brianna I’m very happy and so are you”

“Okay who wants a piggy back ride!?”

“ME!!!!”

Zacky ran over and grabbed Brianna and flung her up on his shoulders. He then proceeded to run around the apartment with Brianna on his shoulders.

“YAY UNCIE V!!!!”

Everyone just started laughing at how cute Brianna was.

Later that night I was sitting on the couch with a tired Brianna lying next to me with her head in my lap.

The living room was a mess of wrapping papers and bows.

Brianna sure did ring in a lot of crap. She got a ton of toys, clothes, some books, and dolls.

But what I found just adorable was the photo that Zacky had given her.

It was a photo of Brian.

He said that she needed a photo of her dad and I told him I agreed. Which is why she already had a photo or two in her room that she loved to look at and point at and say, “Daddy!”

She knew her daddy was and loved to look at his pictures. I placed the photo up next to the other ones on Brianna’s dresser. Zacky sure was excited to see that I had photos of Brian for Brianna. He said the only thing missing now was for Brian to meet his daughter.

But I still wasn’t so sure.

~~~~ Two Years Later ~~~~

“Mommy!”

“Yes Bree?”

“Where’s my dolly?”

“Which one?”

“The one Uncie V gave me!”

I put down the dish I had been washing and walked into Brianna’s room. She was sitting on the floor of her room with a mess of toys all around her.

“I can’t find it mommy”

“Let me see if I can find it”

Brianna jumped up and moved out of my way so that I could look for the American Girl Doll that Zacky had gotten her for her last birthday. Zacky showered her with gifts and love. He just simply said that he was making up for the fact that Brian wasn’t buying all of these things for her. And when I tried to point out that he didn’t know we would end up in an argument about him telling me that I needed to tell him about Brianna. I told Brianna all about her dad. Not to mention Zacky, Gena, and Johnny talked about him all the time too.

“Ah ha! Found it!”

I reached under her new big girl bed and pulled out her doll. She came running over to me and grabbed it running over to her toy chest to pull out her doll stroller. She had taken to pushing the doll around whenever we went outside for our walk together.

Just then Julianna came into Brianna’s room.

“Ready for our walk there?”

“Almost!”

Brianna put her doll in her stroller and buckled her in.

“There now she won’t fall out! Ready!”

I laughed and watched has Brianna pushed her doll carriage out of her room stopping to blow a kiss up at her growing number of photos of Brian.

I couldn’t help but smile has I followed her out of her room.

We were out on our walk when Brianna looked up at me.

“Mommy”

I looked down at her. Her eyes were wide has they usually were from her curiousity.

“When am I going to see Daddy?”

I stopped short and looked over at Julianna who was staring across the street at something. I just had a feeling that she had told Brianna to ask me that. She was a sneaky little best friend.

“Mommy?”

I looked back at Brianna.

“Yes Bree hunny”

“When do I get to see Daddy?”

I took a deep breath.

“I don’t know Brianna. Daddy’s very busy right now”

“Auntie J said you’d say that.”

I glared at Julianna before I knelt down in front of Brianna and looked into those eyes that reminded me so much of Brian’s.

“I promise you Brianna Rose Gates-Ives that you will meet your daddy one day. I promise you”

Brianna smiled and reached out and hugged me.

“Thank-you mommy”

I hugged Brianna back and stood up. Julianna just looked at me and I knew what was coming.

“You better keep that promise”

She whispered that line so that Brianna wouldn’t hear us.

“I will keep that promise. She will meet him…one day…I just…just don’t know exactly when”

Julianna just shook her head and looked away. I could almost see the wheels turning inside her head.

~~~~ Two Years Later ~~~~

“There! All booked!”

“Yay Paris!”

Brianna ran over and hugged my legs.

“Yay we’re going to Paris next year!!!! It’s gonna be the best 6th birthday ever!”

“I’m glad you like it hunny”

“I love it!”

Brianna gave me a big hug but it ended short and she just looked at me.

“What’s wrong baby?”

“Mommy I don’t want to go to Paris for my birthday. I don’t want to go on vacation and be away from home for my birthday.”

“I thought you were excited about Paris?”

“I was…I am…but…”

Brianna bit her lip and looked away. I followed her gaze and saw that she was looking at Julianna.

“Bree hunny. What is it? What do you want?”

Brianna looked back at me and I saw tears welling in her eyes.

“I want my daddy!”

And with that Brianna ran into her room and slammed her door shut.

I just looked at Julianna who just came over and gave me a hug.

“Maybe it’s time you tell him”

“…Maybe…”