Bitter Sweet Symphony

But I’m here in my mold

~~~~~

“Shit. Shit fuck shit”

I couldn’t believe this. I had to be dreaming. I pinched my arm and it hurt like a sun of a gun.

Crap NOT dreaming.

Brian walked cautiously up to me and stopped a few feet away from me.

He smiled.

“Hi Alina”

“…Brian…”

I couldn’t think, couldn’t speak, my mind was spinning with everything that had been going on the past 7 years. He was so close and he was just….oh my god he was as hot as ever! I think he got even hotter over the years and I couldn’t stop but stare at him. Taking in his spiked black hair, those dark brown eyes that look up at me every day, those features, and that smile.

I couldn’t help but see Brianna right there standing next to him. I could see her in him and him in her.

It was a twilight zone moment my mind was having.

Brian took a step towards me.

“It’s good to see you again”

“What?”

“I’ve actually wanted to come out for a while now but I didn’t think you’d want to see me”

“You were kind of right in a way”

Brian looked down at the ground then back up at me.

“Look I know that I was a real jerk. Can we start over?”

I looked over his shoulder and Zacky, Gena, and Johnny. They were all smiling and nodding their heads yes. Somehow I just knew that they had something to do with this. And I was pretty sure Julianna had something to do with it too. I just had a feeling that Brian was going to be meeting our daughter sometime over these next two weeks. But I sure as hell wasn’t going to let that happen until I was sure that he had changed as everyone was saying he had.

I looked back up and Brian to see his eyes so full of hope. Just like Brianna’s eyes whenever I talk about Brian or whenever he’s mentioned around her.

“I guess”

Brian smiled wider and opened up his arms for a hug. I stepped forward and let him hug me. I cautiously hugged him back and I couldn’t help but take in a deep breath, taking in his scent. He held me for a minute or two. He hadn’t held me since that night…

Since the night our daughter was conceived.

He finally pulled back from and looked me up and down.

“You look good Alina”

“Thanks”

I could see Gena about to say something so I rushed over to her and grabbed her arm and pulled her aside.

“Can I speak to you for a minute Gena. You too Zack and Johnny!”

The guys reluctantly followed while everyone looked on slightly confused. I rounded on them so fast.

“What the hell!”

And with each word I smacked them each over the head.

“Hey come on Alina it’s time”

“I’ll be the judge of that”

“Alina come on Brianna wants to meet her dad. She wants to meet him”

“Not right now”

“Why not?”

“Um well A she’s in bed and B I want to make sure he not still an ass hole before I let her meet him.”

“He’s different now Alina. Didn’t you see that?”

“I did but you can’t blame me for being cautious! He broke my heart and left me. He left me with a baby that I didn’t know what to do with. He left me all alone and without anything. He tore my heart out and called me the worst things you could call anyone. He made my life hell and I will not repeat NOT them it do that to our daughter. So you three will just shut-up and let me decide in a week if I want her to meet him or not. And you three sure has hell better not tell him or you will be dead. Understood?”

“Yes”

“Fine”

“One week Alina”

“Thank-you”

I walked away then and left to go lead the guys to their dressing rooms. They each had an individual room. When we reached the last room which was to be Brian’s room he pulled me inside and shut the door, pushing me up against the wall and crashing his lips against mine. For a minute I just stood there in shock. But it wasn’t long before all feelings came back to me and I was kissing him back. My fingers intertwined in his hair and his hands were on my hips. The electricity between us was explosive. I hadn’t felt this since that night.

Somehow we kept coming back to that night.

After a few minutes of kissing heatedly he pulled back and looked into my eyes. Both of us were breathing heavily.

“I’m sorry I…I just…couldn’t help it. I’ve missed you. I haven’t been with anyone since you. You’ve all I’ve been able to think about”

“The why did you never come to see me. Never try to find me? Why did you call me what you did?”

Brian kissed my lips again softly.

“Let me make it up to you”

I pushed him away from me.

“You have 7 fucking years to make up for. You better make it good and start now”

And with that I walked out of his room still feeling his lips against mine. Feeling his strong hands on my hips. I fought back the tears has I made my way to my office.

This was all too much for one night.

~~~~ Next Day ~~~~

“Juliann a I swear to God that you better keep her away today. He’s on probation at the moment and if you even so much as bring her a MILE within the Garden you will be sorry and I mean sorry”

“Yeah I got it Alina calm down. I’ll keep her away. But you gotta admit he kissed you last night. Doesn’t that say something?”

“Who kissed mommy?”

I turned around to see Brianna looking at me with wide eyes. Oh God his eyes.

“No one hunny. We were talking about Auntie J and Uncie Johnny”

“Ew”

“Come on Brianna time for a day out on the city”

“Why can’t mommy come”

“Because mommy has to be boring and work”

“Hey!”

“Just saying”

~~~~ Later That Day ~~~~

So I had arrived at my office that morning to find 7 dozen pink roses all over my office. Each one bearing a note from Brian.

“Oh my God”

I turned around to see Gena standing in the doorway to my office.

“Did Brian do all of this?”

“Yeah…he did…the notes say its one dozen for each year he wasn’t there holding me.”

“Holy shit!”

“I know”

“Bring out the kid”

“No! I haven’t decided yet. I haven’t seen him since last night.”

“When you two made out”

“We didn’t make out we just…kissed…for a few minutes”

“Mhmm sureeeee”

Gena had left then to go back to Zacky’s dressing room and I started working. Well after I moved the mini florist shop in my office around.

It was later that afternoon when there was a knock at my door. I instantly thought that it was Brian and was nervous has the door opened. But no, it was Gena, Leana, and Val. I let out the breath I had been holding.

“Hey girls”

“Hey Alina. Sooooo wanna show us your apartment. Gena says it’s just simply beautiful”

I looked over at Gena who was smiling evilly.

“Yeah it’s not too bad”

“Can we seeeee it,” Val was practically begging now.

I rolled my eyes and let out a sarcastic sigh.

“Fineeeee”

Has we were leaving I called Julianna to make sure that she was still out with Brianna and told her to not come home until I said it was okay. We arrived at my apartment and I let us all in. Unfortunately there were toys EVERYWHERE.

Damnit why didn’t I clean up?

“What’s with all the toys?”

I looked back at Val.

“Oh I’m watching my cousin’s daughter for a while. Her and her husband are having some issues so I’m watching her for a while”

“Oh that’s really nice of you”

I quickly turned and walked over to shut the door to Brianna’s room feeling the daggers that Gena was giving me. I didn’t want them to know. If they knew the truth then they would tell Jimmy and Matt and then one of them would tell Brian. And I wasn’t ready for that yet. Not right now at least.

I showed them around the apartment and they all loved it and the view too. We were in my room when I heard the door open.

“Oh shit…”

Suddenly Brianna was in the doorway holding her American Girl doll and when she saw me she squealed and ran towards me.

“MOMMY!!!!”

I had no choice but to pick her up. I saw Julianna standing in the doorway and I shot daggers at both her AND Gena.

“So that was who you called Gena”

Gena just glared at me and mouthed, “now”.

Brianna pulled back and smiled wide at me.

“Auntie J told me you were home and I wanted to see you because I haven’t seen you a lot lately and I’m glad you’re home mommy!”

Brianna gave me another hug and I saw Val and Leana’s confused faces.

“Mommy?”

Brianna turned in my arms and looked at Val and Leana. It appears she just noticed that they were all there. She saw Gena and immediately tried to wiggle out of my arms.

“Auntie G!”

Gena walked forward and took Brianna from me giving her a hug and a kiss.

“Hey there baby”

“Alina what’s going on? This sure has hell isn’t your cousins daughter.”

“She’s the spitting image of Brian”

“What the hell Alina? Did you have a kid with Brian?”

Brianna looked over at me curiously.

“They know daddy?”

I mentally slapped my head and walked over to Brianna and took her from Gena.

“Yes they know daddy. You’ve actually seen them too. In pictures Gena shows you”

Brianna looked back at them and I could see the wheels turning in her head.

“Auntie Val? Auntie L?”

They both just stared at her so Brianna looked to me for confirmation.

“Yes that’s Auntie Val, Uncie Matt’s wife. And that Auntie L, Uncie Jimmy’s girlfriend.”

Brianna looked back at them and held out her arms toward Val.

“HI!”

Val cautiously took Brianna and gave her a hug.

“God it’s like looking at Brian”

“I know”

Brianna turned to give Leana a hug.

“I can’t believe this? Does she know about Brian?”

Brianna looked between all of us confused.

“You mean daddy?”

“Um…yeah. I guess he would be daddy to you and Brian to us”

“Ohhhh of course I know my daddy. I mean I’ve never met him but I’ve watched him on TV except mommy covers my ears a lot. That and I have pictures in my room”

“You do?”

“Mhmm. I’ll show you”

With that Brianna wiggled out of Val’s arms and grabbed her hand and Leana’s hand and led them to her room. Once inside she held up her arms to be picked up by Leana who hadn’t held her yet and Brianna pointed over to her dresser just inside the door.

“There they all are”

I stood in the doorway to her room while everyone else was crowded around her dresser. This wasn’t going to end well.

Brianna pointed to the first picture.

“There’s daddy. That’s my favorite picture. He has drawings all over his arms. And this next one is of daddy and Uncie V.”

“Uncie V?”

“She means Zacky. He wanted to be Uncie V”

“You mean Zacky knows?”

“And Johnny. Julianna and him are dating. Of course he knows too”

“Oh my god Alina what else have you been keeping from us. From Brian”

“Speaking of daddy this next picture is of daddy performing. Mommy loves his muscles and she said they felt nice wrapped around her.”

“I never said that” “But Auntie J said you said that”

I glared at Julianna who just shrugged her shoulders. Remind me to kill her later. Thanks.

“Now this next one is of daddy. He has his stage name on his shirt. Mommy says his stage name is Synyster Gates. I have Gates in my name and I’m named after my daddy. He’s Brian and I’m Brianna. This picture is one that Uncie V gave me of daddy with his doggie and someone else’s doggy. Daddy’s doggie is names Pinkly. She’s so cute and I wish I could meet her. She’d be fun to play with. And this photo is of daddy again and Uncie Johnny said he took this photo just for me. This next one is of daddy and Uncie V again. Mommy found it funny that’s why I have it. This next photo is of daddy’s band. Mommy says that they’re only acting big and bad buy they’re really not. She says Uncie Jimmy who’s right there is a big teddy bear. And this is a not so scary photo of the band. And this last photo is of Uncie Johhny and daddy. Uncie V took the photo for me for my last birthday.”

“When was that?”

“Last year. June 15th. Are you gonna be here for my birthday? We were supposed to be going to Paris but mommy had to work with this band last minute.”

“She doesn’t know?”

“Know what?”

“Don’t say it guys. Don’t say it”

“Alina she should know”

“Mommy what’s going on?”

“Nothing sweetie”

“God damnit Alina just tell her that the band you’re working with is Brian’s band and that it was a surprise. Just tell her that her dad’s in town!”

“My daddy’s here!”

Brianna wiggled out of Leana’s arms and ran over to me grabbing onto my shirt.

“Daddy’s here mommy? Can I go see him?”

I looked up at everyone and then back down at my daughter. I saw the hope in her eyes that I had seen in Brian’s the night before.

“I don’t know sweetie.”

“But I want my daddy! I WANT MY DADDY!!!!”

I immediately picked up Brianna and held her close.

“I want daddy mommy”
I looked at everyone else and gave in. I just cracked right then and there.

“Okay baby. Tomorrow morning I’ll bring you and Juls to work with me and…I’ll introduce you to your daddy. Does that work for everyone?”

Everyone nodded while Brianna gave me the biggest hug ever and ran to her dresser to pick out what she was going to wear.

I just glared at everyone and walked away to my room.

~~~~ The Next Day ~~~~

Brianna came out of her room and looked at me. I could tell that she was nervous. I think we all were.

“Do I look pretty for daddy?”

I looked at my baby girl and smiled. She was in simple jean capri’s and a red and black striped shirt. she had on her sparkly silver convers and was wearing the heart locket I had gotten her a while ago and the Paris charm bracelet that I had bought her a year or two ago. I walked over and picked her up noticing the flower clip in her hair.

“You look beautiful Bree. Absolutely beautiful.”

“You look beautiful too mommy”

There was a knock at the door and Julianna opened it to see Zacky , Gena, and Johnny standing there.

“Ready?”

Brianna nodded her head and I did too. I set Brianna down and she went and grabbed her backpack and her doll while I took one last look in the mirror. I was in distressed jeans, a black and white stripped tank top, a pink zip up hoodie, the rose necklace Brianna had picked out for me two years ago , and my pink converse. I took a deep breath and walked out to where everyone was waiting. Brianna in Zacky’s arms clutching her doll close to herself.

“Let’s go”

~~~~ Madison Square Garden ~~~~

We entered the Garden and I took everyone to my office first to put Brianna’s things there. I set my purse down and looked at my baby girl who was fiddling with her doll’s hair.

“You ready Brianna?”

She looked up at me and squeaked out, “Yes Mommy”

“Do you wanna leave your doll here?”

Brianna nodded and set her doll on the couch next to my desk. She held up her arms and I picked her up. She clung onto my neck and I followed Zacky, Gena, Johnny and Julianna to where the rest of the guys and girls were. Val and Leana noticed us walking into the big common room first and they both immediately stood up and smiled. Zacky stood aside pulling Gena with him and Johnny did the same with Julianna. Matt and Jimmy noticed me next and stood up their eyes growing wide and Brian was the last to turn around. He saw me and his face broke out into a smile that quickly faded when he saw the little girl in my arms.

“Alina…”

“Hi Brian…”

Brianna whispered into my ear, “Is that daddy?” I nodded in response and took a step closer to where Brian stood shocked.

I wish someone would say something.

“Holy Fuck Alina. When’d you have a daughter?”

I looked over at Jimmy.

“A while ago Jimmy”

“She…looks…how old is she?”

I looked over at Matt but Brianna answered for me.

“I’m 5 almost 6.”

“She looks just like…Holy shit Alina she looks just like…”

“Me…”

Both Brianna and I looked at Brian. His face was mixed with confusion and shock.

“…She’s mine isn’t she?”

“Yes…”

“Oh my God…I have a daughter…she’s….oh my God…mine..”