Bitter Sweet Symphony

I am here in my mold

~~~~

“Oh my God Alina…why…how…what?”

I put Brianna down and she clung to my leg. I hadn’t realized how nervous she would be or how scary this might be for her.

I looked down at her and back up at Brian.

“Do you wanna introduce yourself baby?”

Brianna shook her head no and I couldn’t help but smile. I put my hand on her head and turned to look at Brian who’s eyes were locked on the little girl next to me.

“Brian…this is Brianna Rose Gates-Ives…out daughter…”

Brian looked up at me. Confusion and shock etched all over his face.

“Brianna? Gates-Ives?”

“Yes”

Brianna took a step and stood in front of me. She looked up at Brian.

“Hi daddy”

Brian took a step back.

“I…I don’t believe this…I…no…this can’t have happened…we…we used protection…”

“Well obviously none of it worked and you can’t deny it’s not yours Brian. She’s the spitting image of you….She always has been”

Both Brian and I looked over at Zacky. I saw anger flaring in Brian’s eyes.

Oh Shit

“You fucking knew Venegence”

“Yes…Alina made me promise not to tell you. And after how you treated her I’m not surprised she didn’t want you to meet your daughter.”

Brian looked around at everyone.

“Who the hell else knows Alina?”

I didn’t know what to say. I just pushed Brianna behind me and kept a hand on her head.

“Gena and Johnny know. They’ve known since they came to visit me when I was pregnant with Brianna. They were there when she was born and have been there for every birthday. Julianna’s known since the beginning, because well…she’s my best friend and we live together. I tell her everything. And Val and Leana found out yesterday when they came to see my apartment and Gena and Julianna were sneaky and had her bring Brianna home. I couldn’t avoid it any longer.”

“Couldn’t avoid it!? Couldn’t avoid telling me I had a fucking daughter Alina!? You couldn’t fucking pick up the phone and fucking call me and tell me that I was going to be a fucking father!? Couldn’t tell me that I had a fucking bastard child!?”

My eyes narrowed on him.

“Don’t you DARE call her that! This isn’t her fault! It’s not her fault I wanted to protect her from the man who made my life hell from day one!”

“It was one drunken night Alina!”

“That meant everything to me and you went and screwed it up and look where we are now!”

“Where we are!? Where the hell are we Alina!? Why couldn’t you just get rid of her!?”

At that Brianna peeked around my leg and looked at Brian with tears in her eyes.

“Daddy…”

“Don’t call me your fucking daddy okay! Who said I wanted you!?”

Brianna hid her face in my leg and I felt her tears soaking through my jeans.

Oh he’s dead now

“Julianna, Gena, Zacky, Johnny….take Brianna away NOW!”

Zacky ran forward and grabbed Brianna and started to carry her away. Gena, Johnny, and Julianna weren’t far behind. Sensing a fight about to break out Val and Leana left to follow them while ordering Matt and Jimmy to stay to keep us from killing each other.

They reluctantly agreed and stood there near us just watching the whole thing.

“WHAT THE HELL SYN! DON’T YOU DARE SAY THAT TO MY DAUGHTER EVER!!!!”

“Funny I thought she was OUR daughter!”

“Well you obviously just said you didn’t want her so I guess she’s going fatherless now!”

“God Alina how the hell am I supposed to react to this! I didn’t come because I was afraid and when I do come you waltz in here with a little girl! What the fuck Alina!?”

“I brought her because she wanted to see you Syn! She wanted to see her Dad!”

“I’m not ready to be a dad!”

“Then don’t be one! But don’t take this out on her! Don’t you DARE do that for one second!”

“Well I sure as hell don’t want to be a dad right now! I have the band! I…you can’t just spring this on me and expect me to be okay with it!”

“I didn’t think you would be but you could have at least saved the yelling for later once she was already gone! You could of said hey let’s go talk in private so we don’t scream at our kid!”

“So she’s our kid now!?”

“Shut-up Syn! Stop doing that! Do you have ANY idea what the past 7 years have been like for me!?

Brian just stood there staring at me.

“Do you!?”

“No…”

“Well they’ve been a living fucking nightmare that’s what they’ve been like! I was shattered after you left me that morning. You called me a slut, a bitch, AND a whore! Do you know how that made me feel!? You were my first time! I was a virgin before you! But I let you have it! I let myself go with you because I felt something and I thought you felt something too, because you weren’t Synyster Fucking Gates with me that night! You were Brian! You actually seemed to care about me! But noooo you didn’t! You left me there all alone and I cried for days after that! I avoided everyone because I couldn’t face you! I was glad to come home! I would be away from every memory! But you made sure I wouldn’t forget the hell you put me through! You knocked me up and I was left with a baby that I couldn’t give away because I was in love with her like I was in love with you! I prayed and prayed and prayed for it to be a girl and for her to look NOTHING like you! I only got part of that. She’s the spitting image of you and I hate it and love it every day I look at her! I see you in everything she does! The way she walks, the way she talks, her eyes, her hair, her smile, every FUCKING thing Syn reminds me of you! Do you know what that’s like!? I have cried so much and have lied so much for you to cover up why you weren’t there. Every year all she wanted for her birthday was to meet her dad. And guess what she gets that wish FINALLY for her 6th birthday and you go and fuck it up by yelling at her and saying you don’t want her! YOU’RE A FUCKIGN ASS HOLE SYNYSTER AND YOU HAVEN’T CHANGED ONE FUCKING BIT!!!!”

“You were in love with me?”

“Oh my God out of all of that that’s all you care about!?”

“Alina…I heard it all and…I love you too”

“I said WAS Syn WAS!”

“Alina I’m sorry but it’s been killing me too! I was so glad to be able to see you and then a baby shows up!”

“She’s not a baby Syn! She’s almost 6 fucking years old!”

“I can’t believe all of this! You can’t just expect me to be okay with this!”

“I wasn’t asking you to be okay with it! Just that you would be considerate and NOT FUCKING YELL IN FRONT OF HER!!!! I LET HER WATCH YOU ON TV! I LET HER HAVE PICTURES OF YOU! I LET THEM TELL STORIES ABOUT YOU AND TELL HER EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU! SHE’S GROWN UP KNOWING ONE SIDE YOU AND YOU SHOW HER THE ASS HOLE SIDE! YOU HAVEN’T CHANGED SYNYSTER FUCKING GATES!!!!”

“Alina…I…”

“YOU’RE A FUCKING ASS HOLE SON OF A BITCH!!!!”

By now I was crying and I just turned and ran away leaving him there. I couldn’t believe that he did that. That he just stood there and didn’t say anything. Didn’t apologize for yelling at her. I was actually expecting him to be okay with it. Sure I knew he’d be shocked but that didn’t give him an excuse to start yelling like that. I couldn’t believe that he had done that. That he had actually yelled at her to not call him dad. He just ruined what my baby girl thought of him all these years. He just ruined it all.

I was running so fast to my office that I didn’t even notice that I went flying past Val and Leana. I just kept running to my office and slammed the door shut behind me. I collapsed on my couch and cried. I hadn’t cried this hard since the morning after Brian and I had sex. I hadn’t felt this much pain since I was lying on the floor of my loft in Berlin crying over how he had taken advantage of me. How he had used me.

This hurt too much

I don’t know how long I was lying there just crying my eyes out when I heard a knock at the door. I didn’t even care right now. I just wanted to kill him.

I heard the door open cautiously and someone come in shutting the door behind them. I felt whoever it was sit down on the couch next to me and put a comforting arm around me and start rubbing my back.

“It’s okay Alina. It’s okay”

I looked up at Gena through my tear filled eyes.

“No it’s not Gena. Did you hear what he said? Did you hear what he called her?”

“Yeah I heard and trust me Zacky’s going to kill him. There’s a reason he’s Vengeance.”

I smiled a little and started to wipe away the tears from my eyes. I heard someone else come in and I looked up to see Johnny and Zacky. Zacky ran over to me and sat down on my other side giving me a huge hug.

“Don’t worry Alina. We’re going to kill him and make it look like an accident”

I pulled back and smiled at Zacky. I turned to look at Johnny who was just staring at the ground.

“I’m sorry Alina…if I had known I…I wouldn’t of suggested you bringing her to meet him. I didn’t know and I’m sorry. I was the mastermind behind everything”

I stood up and gave Johnny a hug.

“No one knew.”

I pulled back and looked at him.

“Where’s Bree?”

“Julianna has her”

“Can you bring her here please?”

“Of course”

Johnny left to go get Brianna and I sat back down between Gena and Zacky. I continued wiping away tears so that she wouldn’t see me so upset.

It wasn’t long before Johnny came back in with Brianna in his arms.

She immediately held out her arms to me and I grabbed her placing her in my lap and hugging her to death.

“I’m sorry baby girl. If I had known daddy would react that way I wouldn’t have brought you with me today. I should have told him first then brought you”

“Mommy he scared me. He said not to call him daddy. But he was daddy. I don’t know what I did wrong mommy”

I pulled back and looked at Brianna to see fresh tears in her eyes.

“You didn’t do anything wrong baby.”

“But daddy…Brian said that he didn’t want me”

“You listen to me Brianna Rose. You did NOTHING wrong okay. This isn’t your fault. This is between Brian and mommy. Nothing is your fault understand?”

Brianna nodded her head yes and Zacky handed her, her doll and she grabbed it holding it close. Gena smoothed her hair down with her hand and I looked up to ask Julianna something…but she was nowhere to be found.

“Where’s Julianna?”

Everyone looked around.

“She was right behind me. I swear she was”

Suddenly knowledge hit me.

“Oh shit…Zacky take Brianna”

I practically threw Brianna at Zacky and took off running.

“Shit, shit, SHIT!”

I was nearing the guys dressing rooms when I heard Julianna’s voice booming.

I stopped short and listened. I couldn’t hear exactly what she was saying but I knew she was yelling at Brian. I just knew it. Suddenly I heard a loud whack and I ran around the corner to see a fuming Julianna coming out of Matt’s dressing room.

“What the hell?”

“I slapped him Alina now let’s go before I kill the fucker!”

I turned to walk back with Julianna when I heard someone run out of a room behind us.

“Alina!”

I turned around and saw Brian standing there. His cheek bright red where Juls had slapped him. I saw Brianna and I swear I became a momma lioness then for I went to lung at Brian’s neck. And I would have succeeded if Julianna hadn’t seen me and grabbed my arms and held on to them for dear life.

“YOUUUUU SON OF A BITCH!!!!! YOU MADE HER CRY! YOU SCARED HER! SHE’S BEEN CRYING BECAUSE SHE THINKS SHE DID SOMETHING WRONG! YOU MADE YOUR DAUGHTER CRY YOU BASTARD! YOU MADE YOUR OWN FLESH AND BLOOD CRY! YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF! JULIANNA LET ME GO SO I CAN KILL HIM!!!!”

As soon as I said kill Jimmy came running out from behind Brian and grabbed me throwing me over his shoulder fireman style and started to power walk away from Brian while Matt held Brian back. I was still yelling and kicking and punching at Jimmy to let me go when we passed Zacky and Johnny going in the other direction. They took one look at me and ran off to where you could hear Brian and Matt yelling.

Jimmy carried me all the way back to my office and pretty much threw me on the floor and shut my office door.

“Calm down Alina sweetheart!”

“Not in a million years! He made her cry! He scared her!”

“I know Alina but it won’t do Brianna sweetie any good if you or Brian is dead”

“Mommy’s gonna die?”

I suddenly just realized the Brianna, Gena, and Julianna were in the room with Jimmy and I. I crawled over to Brianna and pulled her to me.

“No honey but I may kill Brian”

“Don’t kill him mommy. Don’t kill daddy”

I just held her close.

“Okay baby”

Brianna pulled back and wiped away the tears on my cheeks. When she was done she turned, saw Jimmy, and ran behind me.

Gena laughed a little and Jimmy just crouched down in front of me.

“Hey there Brianna sweetie”

Brianna peeked around my head and looked at Jimmy with wide eyes.

“Brianna hunny this it Uncie Jimmy….the big teddy bear”

“The one who called you Alina Sweetheart and acts like a big kid”

“I am the very same one!”

“You’re my Uncie Jimmy?”

“If that’s okay with you”

“Yes”

Brianna walked around from behind me and hugged Jimmy around the neck. He picked her up and swung her around making her giggle. I was so glad to hear her giggling again. Jimmy kept spinning Brianna around and we were all laughing at him. But the laughter came to a sudden end when there was a knock at the door. Jimmy immediately darted behind me and held onto Brianna for dear life. She just wrapped her arms around his neck and buried her head in his neck. Her black hair covering her face.

Gena opened the door and sighed in relief. She stood back and in walked Matt. I sighed in relief too. Matt came over and hugged me.

“Brian’s being an ass right now Alina. It’ll all blow over”

“I wish it were that simple”

“Yeah I know”

Matt stepped back and saw Jimmy there holding Brianna. One of Jimmy’s hands was on her head and Brianna was peeking out from underneath his hand just staring at Matt. Matt smiled and took a step closer.

“Hi Brianna. We haven’t officially met. I’m Matt. You’ve met my wife…Auntie V…”

“You’re Uncie M?”

“I would love to be if that’s okay with you”

Brianna lifted her head and Jimmy dropped his hand from her head. She slowly reached out for Matt and he grabbed her and gave her a hug. She pulled back and looked at Matt.

“Hi Uncie M”

“Hi Brianna honey”

Brianna smiled but it didn’t last long before we could all hear screaming in the distance…it was Brian.

Brianna immediately turned and reached for Jimmy who grabbed her and held her close. She buried her head in his neck and stayed that way.

“I think she feels protected with you Jimmy Bear”

“And I shall protect her from asses like her father is right now”

The screaming was getting closer. I grabbed Brianna’s backpack and her doll.

“I need to get her home now”

Everyone nodded in understanding and Leana came running through the door.

“Brian’s trying to come here.”

“I know that’s why I’m taking Brianna home. Jimmy since she feels safe in your arms can you carry her to my car?”

“Sure thing Alina sweetheart.”

All of us left to walk to my car. We were almost to the door that led to employee parking when I heard the yelling round the corner and Brian’s voice yell out, “Alina!”

I spun around and glared at Brian. I knew everyone had stopped behind me and Matt even grabbed my arms to keep me from lunging at him.

“Jimmy get her in the car.”

Jimmy sprinted off with Brianna in his arms towards my car. Julianna and Leana followed.

Brian started to walk towards me and I lost it.

“You stay where you are Synyster Gates! You don’t deserve to see her now! Just do us all a favor and stay the HELL AWAY FROM US!”

And with that I ripped away from Matt’s grip and ran towards the door. I wasn’t going to stay there with him for one more minute. I reached the car and Jimmy was buckling Brianna into her car seat. He turned to me and took her backpack and doll from me and gave them to Bree. He gave her a kiss on her forehead and stood back. I gave him a hug and climbed into the passenger seat. Julianna was driving, because I was in NO mood to drive right now.

Jimmy shut the doors behind us and waved us off.

I couldn’t help but cry on the way home has I stared out the window.