Bitter Sweet Symphony

I can’t change my mold
No, no, no, no, no

~~~~ Two Days Later ~~~~

“Alina come on relax. They’ll be fine. They just went out for a daddy, daughter day.”

“I know I just…I’m just not used to not having her here with me 24/7. I’m just nervous that’s all.”

“She’s fine Alina. She’s with Brian”

“Because that helps me to feel better. She could be with Jimmy for crying out loud and I’d still be worried….wait….CRAP…bad example.”

I was pacing around in my room. I had agreed to let Brian take Brianna out for the day and I was worried sick. I was always worried sick when Brianna was out with someone besides those who had been with her since she had been born.

I was opening myself up to Brian for Brianna’s sake. She wanted me too. But I couldn’t promise her that anything was going to happen between us. I told Brian that too. But I know they were both still holding out hope. But can you blame me for being cautious about my heart and about my daughter. I had been crushed so much by people I love that I didn’t want it to happen again.

But I was falling more in love with Brian.

I just wasn’t so sure about that date. Yeah I mean I wanted it. But I still wasn’t so sure about it.

Later that night has I was getting ready to head to the Garden for the bands concert Brianna came running in the door and collided with me. I scooped her up and gave her a kiss.

“Did you have fun?”

“Uh huh! Daddy took me to the zoo and the park and the museum of natural hisry.”

“Wow”

“Mhmm and he bought me a giant soft pretzel and ice cream”

“Don’t worry she ate healthy things too”

I looked over to see Brian standing just inside the door. He knew I was still getting used to him being there a lot. But seeing him there in that short sleeved top…showing off his muscles…and his tatooes….

“Mommy”

“What!?”

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah I’m fine just dozed off there for a bit. I’m glad you had a good day Bree. Now you’re staying here with Auntie Leana and Auntie Val while I got to work okay?”

“I want daddy to stay with me”

“Oh Bree I know but daddy has to come to work with me. He has a show to do tonight”

“I wanna come along for the show”

“You’re too young. Besides it’ll be too late for you. When he has a day show I’ll bring you okay?”

“When is that?”

“Next week I do believe”

“Okay!”

Brianna gave me a hug and a kiss and ran over to Brian to give him a hug and a kiss then ran off to her room where Leanna and Val were waiting for her.

“Ready for your concert?”

“Yeah. I’m a little nervous though”

“Why?”

Brian shrugged his shoulders.

“Always a little nervous before every show”

“Well we should go”

“Okay”

Brian followed me out to my car and I drove us to the Garden. We didn’t really speak much. Mainly he talked about his day with Brianna.

“I would like to have a day with her again…if that’s okay”

I looked over at Brian.

“Of course. She’s your daughter too. She’d love that”

“I’m not trying to take her away from you”

“What?”

I looked over at Brian in shock but I was quickly distracted when a horn blared in front of me. A car was trying to come in on me.

I blared my horn back.

“BECAUSE YOU DON’T SEE ME HERE ASS HOLE!!!!”

Brian just looked at me.

“Okay good it’s not just me you call an ass hole”

“I only call you one when you’re being one. You haven’t been lately”

“Thanks”

“You have changed”

“I told you. I really am sorry for how I treated you before”

“I know”

“I’m really not going to take her”

“Why do you keep saying that?”

“Because I’ve seen the way you’ve been staring at her when she’s with me. I can tell you’re scared she’ll start hating you because you kept her from me. But I understand…you were trying to protect her. You were being a great mother. And I tell her that every time I see her. I love you Alina. I just want to be a part of her life. And she understands that. She knows that I’m going to have to go back to my home. But I’ll come visit a lot. And you can come visit me too…if you want…or I can send Jimmy to bring her out…if that’s okay”

“How about we worry about the details when we come across it. But if you keep this behavior up you can see her whenever you want. As long as it doesn’t affect her school work when she starts first grade this fall.”

I looked over at Brian and he was smiling wide.

I just smiled inside and pulled into the Garden.

~~~~ Concert ~~~~

They were rocking out at their concert when I was dragged out into the area between the stage and the guard rails holding the mosh pit back from the stage by Gena and Julianna. I had been hiding out in my office again when they tackled me and dragged me to the stage.

I admit I haven’t seen them in concert in forever. They were even better then I remembered. And Brian….oh God he really could make a girl feel synful.

“Okay well we have a little change in our next song. We’re still going to playing Seize the Day. But we have a little change up in vocals. Not only will our very own Synyster Gates be leading the guitar but he will also be singing lead vocals for this song. He would also like to dedicate this song to someone. Syn…”

Brian stepped forward to his microphone and looked straight at me.

“This song is dedicated to the woman I love, Alina.”

He took a step back and the music started. I wasn’t even fully listening to the song. All I saw was Brian singing and playing the guitar. I know now why he was feeling nervous before the show. He had just admitted his love for me in front of the entire garden. And it was packed too. I couldn’t believe it. I really couldn’t.

”So what if I never hold you, or kiss your lips again?
I never want to leave you and the memories for us to see
I beg don't leave me

Seize the day or die regretting the time you lost
It's empty and cold without you here, too many people to ache over
Trails in life, questions of us existing here, don't wanna die alone without you there
Please tell me what we have is real

(Silence you lost me, no chance for one more day)
I stand here alone
Falling away from you, no chance to get back home”

When the song ended Brian looked down and me and mouthed, “I love you”. I couldn’t help but smile back at him. I stayed out with Gena and Julianna for the rest of the concert and when it was over the three of us went backstage. The guys were all there and gave us hugs. I reached Brian last.

We just stood there staring at each other.

I took a step up and wrapped my arms around his neck. I felt him wrap his arms around me and bury his head in my neck.

“Yes”

Brian pulled back and looked at me.

“What?”

“I’m saying yes to a date”

Brian smiled so wide I thought his face would stick that way.

“Really?”

“Yes”

I gave him a kiss on the cheek then turned and walked away to go do my after concert rounds as part of my job.

Damnit now I need an outfit

~~~~ Two Days Later ~~~~

“Mommy you look so pretty”

I leaned down and kissed Brianna on her head.

“Thanks baby”

I turned back around to the full length mirror in my room. The girls had taken me out shopping for a new dress for my “romantic” night out with Brian. I didn’t know if THE Synyster Gates could be romantic but I was about to find out.

I did the finishing touches on my make-up and slipped on my heels. I did a twirl in front of the mirror much to Brianna’s amusement. I turned back to her and ran picking her up and spinning her around. She giggled even harder.

“Well don’t we look purty”

I stopped spinning and looked over at my doorway. Jimmy and Leana stood there.

“Uncie Jimmy Teddy Bear!”

I put Brianna down and she ran for Jimmy who picked her up and gave a big hug.

“Thanks for baby sitting guys.”

“Anything for out little niece here”

Brianna just giggled.

“Wanna see the new dolly daddy bought me yesterday?”

“Yeah!”

Jimmy ran off to Brianna’s room with her still in his arms.

I picked up my clutch and looked back in the mirror.

“You look beautiful Alina. He’s going to go crazy just looking at you”

“And look where crazy took us last time”

“Yeah but don’t get drunk. Besides you have a daughter to come home to. A daughter who will most likely be waiting up for you.”

“I know I know I know. I won’t be out late”

“Be out as late as you want. I’m not picky. Just be mindful of your actions. We don’t need another lil Brian or lil Alina running around”

I picked up a nearby book at tossed it at Leana who just nearly dogged it and ran to hide behind Jimmy I was sure. I picked up the book and tossed it back onto my desk where I had grabbed it from. I did one final check in the mirror.

I was wearing a strapless layered short dress. My version of a little black dress. The top was black and faded into light grey at the bottom. It was short and showed of my “great ass legs” as Julianna put it. I paired the dress with my favorite heels. They were a dark pink and very strappy. I wore the rose necklace Brianna had picked out for me, like always, and a simple pair of jewel earings. I wore a plain silver bracelet and had a smoky eye going on. I painted my nails pink to match my shoes and I had part of my hair pulled back in a rose clip.

Suddenly I heard the doorbell go off. I heard Brianna run to the door, open it, and squeal, “Daddy!”

I heard Brian greet Brianna, Jimmy, and Leana. I took a deep breath.

It’s now or never

I walked out of my room and into the living room. When Brian saw me his mouth dropped and his eye widened.

“Mommy looks beautiful”

“She…she sure does Brianna”

Brian set Brianna down and walked over to me handing me a single long stemed pink rose, my favorite.

I took the flower from him and sniffed it.

“Thank-you Brian”

“You’re welcome. Shall we go?”

“Okay”

I handed my rose to Leana to put in a vase for me. I gave Brianna one last kiss and when Jimmy started pouting I gave him one too. I waved a final goodbye as I closed the door behind me. Brian pulled my arm into his to link them together and we set off on our date.

Needless to say I was EXTREMELY nervous.