The Girl Who Couldn't Feel

It was completely black, but then I was suddenly aware of a slight throbbing in my head. It was much less than before. In fact, it was actually a huge relief compared to the previous pain. I tried to open my eyes, and didn’t really have any success at first. I became aware of something brushing my forehead. I pushed away what felt like a hand as my eyes adjusted. It was the guy, Jaden.

“Sorry, Princess, your hair was in your face and it seemed to be bothering you.” I sat up and looked around. It seemed like a nurse’s office. “We’re still at school. Luckily there’s some basketball practice in the gym, so the nurse’s office is open till late.”

“The headache?” I asked as I rubbed my head a bit.

“From the head injury. She said that you need to rest and lying flat helps. Also, she said that focusing or concentrating too hard makes it worse, so relax more.” He smiled. “You’ll be fine, Princess.” He pushed my bangs out of my face and that was when I realized for the first time that my hair… was braided? I touched it and looked at Jaden.

“You… braided my hair?” I asked.

“Well, yeah… it was all over the place so I thought it might be… um, easier. My sister taught me, yeah.” Jaden said, as he ran his hand through his hair and laughed, embarrassed.

I could stop myself from laughing softly, until I noticed he was staring at me, a bit surprised. We stared at each other for a bit but then I looked away, remembering my promise to Kelly. I looked away, but then looked up. “What’s with the whole ‘Princess’ thing? It’s stupid.” I muttered. Being rude was the easiest way to push someone away, and I had already mastered the art. I glared at him, but he just smiled.

“I know what you’re doing.” He smiled.

“If you mean trying to get an asshole away from me, then you’d be right.” I smiled back sarcastically. I tried not to call people names, but it went with the whole ‘being rude’ thing.

“Then again, the fact that you are trying to push me away is a good sign, right? Means you’re worried your too close to me, isn’t it Princess.” Jaden chuckled and managed to actually piss me off.

“I’m not worried about anything.” I growled.

“Then why make such a point to hate me.”

“I’m just making sure you don’t misunderstand. Before you may have only thought I hated you. Now you know I hate you.”

“Alas, it doesn’t change the fact that I like you.” His smile grew but it didn’t feel real .

“Why don’t you say what’s really on your mind, for once.”

“You really don’t want to know what I’m thinking Princess.” His smile looked a bit different. “But, since you asked.” He got really close to me. His face was mere inches from mine. “I was thinking about how hard it would be for you to defend yourself from me in your current state.” He moved his arm and I immediately closed my eyes but I REFUSED to flinch. Then I felt his hand push the hair on my forehead away and then he softly pressed his lips to my forehead. He then moved a few inches away, and patted my head, still staring at me. “Just kidding.” He chuckled.

I pushed him away by his shoulders. “Don’t mess with me. I don’t take it kindly.” I smiled maliciously. Finally I got off the bed and headed for the door after I picked up my backpack. I ignored my aching head and the sudden dizziness from standing so quickly. I kept going. He tried to stop me but I didn’t look back or respond in any way.

What made me mad was that for some STUPID reason he got on my nerves. His black hair pissed me off. His bright blue eyes pissed me off. EVEN his stupid smile PISSED ME OFF. I can’t even properly explain the feeling. It was a … itchy kind of feeling. I had never been so annoyed, and what I didn’t get was that how could ONE person irritate me that much. Before I knew it, I found myself at MY house, well my aunt and uncle’s house. My “parents”. I scoffed. This was so pathetic. Forcing two people who don’t care about me at all to care for me and “love” me. Yeah right. Did this EVER work? I couldn’t see how it could. Nobody likes a problem child, and that’s exactly what I was. It was practically tattooed on my forehead. That was the fundamental problem. NOBODY could love a kid like me.

I was standing there, staring at the house from the sidewalk. I didn’t notice that the front door had been a little bit open until a little girl came out and slowly closed the door behind her. She skipped down towards me giggling. “Marie!” She called out to me.

As she walked towards me, I remembered something. I DON’T LIKE KIDS. I don’t even know how to deal with them. She came up to me and stretched out her arms, still giggling. I just stood there, confused. Finally I sort of patted her head. “Hi Candy.” I said, smiling a bit awkwardly. Her smile fell and she frowned a bit, her eyes teary. I didn’t know what to do.

I sighed and squatted down so I could look into her eyes. I smiled as kindly as I could. “What’s wrong?” I asked her softly.

She rubbed her eyes a bit and then she reached out and grabbed my bangs. “Marie doesn’t remember Candy.” Then she looked into my eyes, and I couldn’t even explain how it felt. You know that whole maternal instinct thing. That’s the best I can explain it. She looked at me and I wanted to protect her from everything, the whole world. At the same time, she looked at as if she could see more than just my eyes staring back at her.

“Marie is not smiling.” She sighed and looked away. “Marie always smiles at Candy. Always.”

“No, I am smiling.” I laughed. I didn’t understand.

“No, you are not. Marie’s eyes are not smiling. Not at all.” She looked at me, sad. “Marie didn’t even pick Candy up or hug Candy. Was Candy bad?”

“Not at all, Candy.” I said as I touched he cheek slightly. I was afraid of touching her, because she was the absolute sweetest most precious thing I had ever seen. I felt guilty too, for the fact that I was the reason she was upset.

Suddenly her eyes were filled with tears again, but this time a few managed to escape from her bright eyes and began their travel down her cheek. “Marie never calls me Candy. Why aren’t you calling me what you always call me?” More tears fell as I tried to capture all of them with my hands.

“What I call you?” I repeated. She kept staring at me. “I-I remember, I do.” I insisted, hoping to stop her from crying.

“Then what do you call Candy?” She asked.

“Ummm, my… little angel?” I said with a smile, but Candy shook her head.

“No.” She said but her voice was filled with sadness. The kind of voice you only get when you’re crying hard.

“Shhh. No, don’t cry. Ummm. It’s Baby? Froggy? Elephant?” I said, trying to guess it, but she shot each down with a shake of her head. She was covering her eyes and she had taken a step away. I kept shooting names hoping I would happen upon the answer. She took another step. “No, Candy…” I began to say as I reached out to touch her, but as I paused before I touched her, someone spoke from behind her.

“Bunny.” Jaden said. “You call her Bunny.” He said as he patted her head. She quickly turned around and hugged his leg tightly, wailing out loud now. He looked down at her and then at me. I was still squatting. As soon as he looked me in the eye, I averted my gaze, embarrassed by what I didn’t remember and ashamed that I was not able to comfort her. Finally I stood up. “I… I should… I’m going to just… I should go.” I finally managed to say. “Ummm. Bye, Candy. I mean, Bunny. I-I’m sorry. I… yeah. Sorry.” I walked away from them as Jaden picked Candy up and let her cry on his chest as he soothingly rocked back and forth.

I had to get away. From her waling and his judging look and my own guilt. I was surprised by just how horrible I was. I should have talked to Tammy about her. About our relationship. I learned too late that I was really important to her. I was supposed to be her support. Instead I let her down. And to top it off, I could barely TOUCH her? I made a little kid think that I hated her and that it was her fault. BUT IN MY DEFENSE I DON’T GET KIDS. This is why I despise them, though I knew I could never despise her.

I decided to run, hoping that would help me forget the miserable thing I had just done. Then again, it was forgetting that had messed everything up in the first place. I ran for a good hour, out of the residential area and into downtown. Luckily we lived close to it. It was getting a bit late, and I noticed that the opera house was surrounded by tons of people who were way too dressed up. It was interesting to watch them as they looked around as if they were better than other people. All of them, idiots.

There was a bench nearby since the Opera house was in a sort of plaza surrounded by old fashioned lamps, trying to give off a feeling of elegance and age.

As I was watching everyone. I untied the braid in my hair and tied it back into a ponytail, hoping that that would somehow make me feel “normal” again. As I attempted to relax I noticed a guy looking at me, and when we made eye contact he smiled and began walking over. He looked JUST like Parker… the way I remembered him. But, I knew it wasn’t him.

“I feel like every time we meet I happen to be overdressed.” He said when he was a few feet away from me. He was dressed like the others who were now entering the opera house, in a suave black suit and a dark red tie.

“Don’t tell me. I know you. Well, tough luck kid. I lost my memory. I don’t remember you or Candy anyone else that I apparently freaking know.” I said, annoyed.

The guy looked surprised but then he smiled. “Well, then, how about a reintroduction. I’m Asher, a… recent friend of yours.” He put out his hand for me to shake.

“Marie, without the memories of eighth grade till now.” I said slightly sarcastically as I shook his hand.

“Mind if I take a seat?” He said, pointing to the spot next to me.

“Not at all.” I smiled. It actually felt surprisingly natural to talk to him. I assumed it was because of the fact that he looked so similar to Parker.

“So, had a fight with your boyfriend?” He said as he turned to me.

I looked at him both shocked and appalled. “Are you kidding me? I have one?!” I said a bit hysterical.

“Not really… but I really wanted to see your response.” He laughed.

“HA HA. Very funny.” I muttered. “So how do we know each other?” I asked, trying to make conversation.

“Well, you actually love me. I just haven’t had the guts to ask you out.”

I looked at him a bit unsure. I just didn’t get that kind of vibe from him. “Really…” I asked and half stated.

“No, but I thought I might as well give it a shot.” He laughed slightly. “Guess it really wasn’t meant to be.” He was still smiling, but I felt there was something else behind the words.

“I’m…” I was about to apologize, but he cut me off.

“So, what happened now? You look troubled.”

“Why would I tell you?” I suddenly said a bit defensively.

“Because you trust me. Come on, you do don’t you?” He smiled childishly. I stared at him and then smiled.

“I do… actually.”

“I’m really starting to think our relationship is more patient-therapist than friends.” He laughed.

“I made a little kid cry. She asked me to call her by the nickname that I gave her, and I didn’t know it.” I sighed leaning my head back. “On top of it, I HATE kids… but I don’t know why I care so much.”

“Doesn’t that mean that she’s really important to you?” He smiled as I looked at him. “You may not remember, but the fact that you care so much about a ‘stranger’ must mean you really love her.”

“Too bad she probably hates me by now.” I laughed bitterly.

Asher started laughing. “You really don’t get kids do you?”

“What? Is it that obvious?” I rolled my eyes.

“The great thing about kids is they are very quick to forget.” He smiled. “I use that to my advantage all the time with my younger cousins.”

“Yeah, right.” I muttered.

“No, seriously. That’s the best thing about kids, they easily let go of the bad and hold on tightly to the good. So, don’t worry.”

“Thanks.” I smiled. I actually did feel a bit better, just talking to someone who was not judging me or telling me what to do. Finally, someone was just listening. That’s all I had needed. Someone to listen instead of people who kept talking. What I like and don’t, I could decide on my own. I looked at the opera house, and the amount of people outside had decreased significantly. “You should probably get back to your opera.”

“I’d rather spend time with you.” He smiled. “Plus, I hate operas, but I parents insisted I go and being the nice guy I am I agreed.”

“More like forced.”

“Well, bribery was involved.” He said and I laughed. “And I actually like coming here, because it means there’s a chance I might meet you.”

I didn’t know what to say, but I was saved when I heard someone call my name. “Marie, what are you doing here?” I turned and saw Tammy coming up to me. When she got closer she looked at me and then Asher. “um… Oh! The Parker lookalike!” She said really loudly.

“Umm, yeah. Tammy, this is Asher, my friend.”

“Nice to meet you. I’m Marie’s childhood friend, Tammy.” Tammy smiled as she shook his hand, embarrassed by her sudden remark earlier.

“What are you doing here?” I asked Tammy.

“I’m going to the opera. My mom’s idea for a little family time.” She rolled her eyes a bit.

Asher smiled. “I’m actually going to that too, for mostly the same reason.”

“Wait, was bribery involved?” Tammy asked.

“You too?” Asher laughed and Tammy joined in.

“It’s the only way I can get through it.” Tammy joked.

“Well, you guys better get going. The doors are probably going to close soon.” I smiled at them. I kind of hoped that they would like each other. Asher was a good person and Tammy needed a good person. They got along immediately, which was a good sign.

“wait, Marie, what are you doing here? You were supposed to be with Jaden right? He was going to take you home.”

“Oh, well something came up.” I smiled.

“Then, I should probably walk home with you. Give me a sec, I’ll go tell my mom.” She smiled, but I had seen her glance at Asher. I got the feeling that maybe she did like him.

I rolled my eyes and smiled. “I’m not some little kid. I can get home on my own. You two, have fun.” I said as I got up. “See ya, Asher, Tammy.”

“Bye, Marie. As always, that was a pleasant talk.” Asher smiled.

“I’m happy you feel that way.” I laughed.

Suddenly Tammy hugged me, and I felt her put something in my pocket. “For the cab ride home.” She whispered. Then she let go and I sort of nodded.

“Alright then, see you later.” I smiled. After waving, I began walking away. When I reached the end of the street, I turned around and watched them walk towards the opera house. They were laughing and smiling. And yet, I felt lonely. Really lonely, as I stood there and just watched. In the end, the world really could just go on without me. In the end, who would notice if I just disappeared.

I shook my head, trying not to think that way, but the thought was still there. In one day, I had troubled everyone, and more than once. And in the future I would do the same again. I was basically destined to always make the people around me suffer.

They went inside but I waited till I couldn’t see them anymore. Then I finally turned around to head home. That was when I realized that Tammy and her whole family were out. I could get inside, but the house would be empty, and right now I didn’t want to go to an empty house. What was the point? So, I decided to walk for a bit, nowhere in particular.

That was when I saw a small supermarket. I decided to go in on a whim. I had time, so why not? I checked how much money I had and found that Tammy had given me $40, which was definitely enough to get a drink or something. I would pay her back later.

I went inside and immediately headed to the back where I could see the refrigerators that kept the drinks cold. I began scanning through the drinks. I was actually not sure what I wanted and there were several options. One of the store employees began placing drinks into a nearby refrigerator. I didn’t really look, but when I did I was surprised. I immediately averted my eyes.

“Marie?” Jaden said and I groaned internally. This is what would happen to me when I followed a whim. I didn’t want to see him.

“Let me guess. You work here.” I sighed as I looked at him. “You could have told me.”

“Hi my name’s Jaden and I work at a small supermarket.” Jaden laughed. “I thought you might find that to be a stranger introduction. What are you doing out so late?”

“Tammy’s at the opera with her family. I thought ‘hey, why not just hang around downtown for a while’, and look where that’s gotten me.” I groaned a bit.

“Sorry about earlier. I guess I could’ve been more polite.” He smiled sincerely.

“Yeah, well,” I said as I finally decided to get one of those Starbucks Frappuccino’s, “what’s done is done. See ya.” I smiled insincerely.

I went up to the cashier who looked at me a bit surprised. “It’s been a while since I’ve seen you here.”

“Neil! The store is closing in like 20 minutes. You think you can take care of it?” Jaden asked as he came running up to the front.

“Yeah, I still owe you for last time.” ‘Neil’ smiled. Jaden went into the back door. “That’ll be $2. Here’s your change. Thank you for shopping here.” Neil said with a smile. He looked behind him but Jaden wasn’t out yet. He leaned over the counter and smiled at me. “So, you guys dating?”

“No.” I said to him. “Not even close.”

He looked surprised by my attitude. “You seem a bit different from the last time I saw you.” He said as he raised an eyebrow.

Jaden suddenly came out of the backdoor. “Bye Neil. I’m heading out.”

“Ok, Bro. See you tomorrow.” Neil called as Jaden grabbed my hand and we left the store.

“Since we’re out why don’t we do something fun.” Jaden smiled as we walked.

“What are we going to do?” I asked, confused, as I pulled my arm away and he let me go.

“Patience, Princess. Patience.” Jaden chuckled.

Patience… One of the many things I lacked.