The Girl Who Couldn't Feel

I can’t remember how long I’ve been in the box, but i have been getting so weak. It’s hard, so hard. I can only watch with fear, as ice begins to cover my toes. It is only now that I realize how small my feet are. As I move my tongue over my teeth, I realize there is a hole in the front…it’s the tooth I lost when I was 7…I look at my hands, and it’s obvious. I am 7 years old. I never realized that. My eyes start watering once more. When had I been such a crybaby? I mean, I had been as a child, but that was so long ago. I tried to keep wiggling my toes, but I knew it was no use. I’m freezing over. As soon as it gets to my heart, I will be gone. I don’t wanna be gone! I mouthed to the stillness, since I couldn’t speak. It’s hopeless. It’s useless. I already know why I’m here. Suddenly, I’m outside the box, for a second. I am the one with the key now. I feel empty. I wasn’t empty when I was the girl in the box. I see the lock, and I can hear the girl’s voiceless cries. It has to be done – that’s the only thought running through my head. She can’t come out. She will ruin me if she’s let out. She’s not an innocent little girl. Then, I hear her in the box. That’s not possible! “Marie, I’m so cold, I’m so small. Marie, the ice monster is getting me. He’s creeping up my toes. Marie.” Ah. I want to let her out. But that’s what I can’t do. I can’t. it hurts.

Then I see a foggy person, who floats up to me and rubs my cheek, as if he sees something I don’t. I don’t feel the touch. I don’t feel anything towards this odd foggy person. He reaches for the box. “No.” I feel myself say. The person looks back and suddenly approaches me. It whispers into my ear, “Don’t worry. You have time. I will give you time.” He disappears, and so do i. I’m back in the box. The sudden change has me shivering badly, since I wasn’t expecting it. Then, a foggy hand comes through the wall, and offers me a blanket. I take it, without thinking. I’m just too cold. “Don’t Leave Me! Stay!” I try to scream, but once more, I have no voice. A clump of fog goes by my ear. But before it speaks, I pass out.

I woke up covered in sweat, and shivering. I got out of bed after grabbing some clothes from under my bed, where 2 suitcases held all my clothing, and I walked out of the room. After taking a quick shower, I went back to my room and put my stuff away. That’s when I realized something was on my desk. I looked and it. It was a picture of a beautiful girl. Her eyes were closed, and she seemed to sleep in a calm sweet way, and it seemed everything around her should stop when her eyes are closed, only to start once more when she bids them to. Her long hair surrounded her face, shaping her face and falling softly on her chest. Her hands looked soft, like rose petals, and they lay on her stomach, as if her arms hoped to help make her appearance even more beautiful, since that is what she deserved. So she slept, with all the peace in the world, cradling her in her slumber. It was so beautiful, I couldn’t hold in a gasp. I reached my hand out to touch her. It felt as if I would actually be able to feel the warmth of her cheek, and the softness of her face. As if I wasn’t looking at a picture, but another world, where she reigned. But, I sensed the sadness to, for she seemed to rest in an eternal slumber, preventing her world from spinning, as they waited, frozen in time, waiting for her awakening. She doomed her world to be frozen, till she awoke. If she awoke. I stop my hand before I touch it. I suddenly have a fear of touching it. What if she wakes? What if she’s a monster that looks so peaceful only as she sleeps? I heard Jaden moving on the sofa bed, so I looked over and find he hadn't opened his eyes. I quickly left the room and the house as I headed to school, the beautiful girl still in my head.

At school, I didn’t see Jaden. I wasn’t sure if he came, or if we just have really different schedules, but I didn’t mind. I hadn’t spoken to him since the incident yesterday. The day went as usual, and at lunch, as per usual, Tammy came up to me. She was a little shorter than me, and her hair was a light brown. Her eyes were an orange color, which made her look like a playful cat. “Mar-Mar, how are you?” she smiled as she approached. Tammy had been my friend since I was 4. She never left me. Even though I rarely spoke, and was a loner. She stayed even though I never said a thing. Normally she would just continue talking. Since we were little, she had always been the one who could hold a conversation all on her own. “Mar-Mar, you weren’t at school!” she sat next to me. “I was worried.”

“I was sick.” I said quietly, not taking my eyes of my lunch, a PB&J sandwich.

“Mar-Mar. Don’t lie. Your friend knows you well. Why won’t you trust me?” she whispered leaning towards me, and then she moved away and looked away, hurt. She had started doing all this when she decided to start a checking schedule with my cousin, to make sure I was always cared for. That I was watched. “Anyways, I have to talk to my French teacher, so, I’ll see you tomorrow. Marie,” she said, pausing after she stood, “I WILL see you tomorrow.” She paused, waiting for the one thing she never left without hearing.

“Yes.” I said. I knew she was smiling. I knew how she felt. I knew that as long as I said yes, she felt I still had it. The hope she tried to give me. The daily dose of it that she fed me. She knew that if I said yes, she had given me enough to last me till tomorrow. Tammy hadn’t missed a day of school since I was seven. She never left me alone at lunch, with nothing to feed my aching soul. But I didn’t have the courage to tell her. To tell her that it was not enough. To tell her the hope she gave me was burned up by my skin, before it ever reached my heart. To tell her that I only said yes, because I knew why she needed to hear it, so that she could smile, so that she wouldn’t be hurt. That’s why I sat there silently, gathering energy to shoot another arrow of hope at her with the last bits I had. To spend it all to make sure she was happy. Why did I have to see so much pain? It was all around me.

My day had been worse today, and I dreaded going home. As I reached the house, I saw someone exit his car. It was Parker. I ran a bit to him and tapped his back. Then and only then, did I ever smile. Parker was the only person who could do that, make me smile. Because it was only for him that I was willing to force my face to bend into that awkward crescent moon shape. “Parker. Parker.” I sighed as he hugged me tightly. It hurt my back, and my ribs that were still healing, but I didn’t mention it. Parker didn’t need to hear that. Parker was my 25 year old cousin from my mom’s side. He cared for me.

“Marie, my angel. How have you been, huh?”

“Better than ever." I managed to whisper. The look on his face when I said this had a tinge of sadness. He worried too much, because he sensed the sadness in my response. I had to be more convincing next time. This was the last time I would hurt Parker like that. Parker picked me up and helped me inside. Where Mother and Father stood.

“Marie, don’t force him to pick you up. You’ll tire him.” Mother said sternly.

“Yes. I’m sorry.” I said, as I made Parker let me go, though he kept insisting he was fine. Jaden stood behind them, confused. The way he looked at Parker though seemed threatening, but Parker just smirked back. It was about dinner time so everyone headed to the table, but I went toward my room.

“Marie, let’s eat.” Father said loudly. They were probably doing this because Parker was here.

I walked to the table, and sat in my seat. I didn’t leave today, since Parker was here. After eating, Parker and I went for a walk. I knew he wanted to talk. “So, it seems like your new friend doesn’t like me. He must like you.” He sighed.

“No, he doesn’t. he can’t.” I mumbled.

“Marie, are you alright?”

“Yes.”

“Marie, trust me. I love you. Please.” He pleaded.

“I’m fine,” I only responded.

“Marie, trust someone. It seems that you’ve forgotten how to trust. Marie…” he sighed, “I have accepted that the person you trust may not be me, but please find someone. Someone who listens.” He looked at me, pain flowing from his eyes.

“Parker…I love you. I am fine. They love me too. They are my family.” I smiled softly.

“Then why haven’t you smiled?” he said as he stopped walking. That one hit me hard. I wasn’t fooling him. He knew. He knew and still he smiled back. He knew and still he acted like the sun was beaming out of me. I didn’t know what to do, so I hugged him. “You can still feel Marie, you just haven’t realized it…Why…Why did this happen to you, angel? You never hurt a soul, yet why does everyone hurt yours.” He sighed, as he hugged me back. It hurt so much, knowing, that the only sadness that he felt was because of me. I was the one thing that caused him such pain.

When we got back home, it was late, and he had to go. He left quietly, since everyone had gone to sleep. I walked to my room and as I approached my bed, Someone grabbed me and turned me, then pushed me on the bed, pinning my arms over my head. It was Jaden, and it seemed he had something to say about what I’d said last night. “So, you hate me, huh?” his chuckle was thick with anger. He looked me straight in the eyes. Whenever he did that, it made my head dizzy. It was like he could see everything inside my mind. “Answer me!” he growled. Jaden had never been like this. Even on the day we met. His voice sounded different, dangerous even. Before I could do anything, I felt his warm lips pressed to mine, and my eyes opened wide. The kiss was rough, and I didn’t like it. This wasn’t Jaden. This person was dangerous. This person scared me, because this wasn’t a joke. He was serious. I turned my head away, and couldn’t believe the way my voice quivered as I spoke, “Please, Jaden, it hurts. Why… why won’t you just leave me alone? What can I do…to convince you?” I looked at him, as he stared at me, surprised, and I saw what he saw. In his light blue eyes, I saw me. But that wasn’t all. The thing that stunned him stunned me too. In my face I saw something, something I hadn’t seen before. I saw an emotion. I saw pain.