Women of Anarchy: Never Look Back

Two and a half weeks has passed since Eric and I had made it official. Meaning two and a half more weeks that Jax and I hadn’t spoken to each other. A small part of my heart was completely ecstatic that I had someone for me, a relationship. The remainder of my heart still would lurch and ache when I saw Jax. Even if he wasn’t with Tara. It hurt because I knew I couldn’t just run up and hug him or talk to him. It was different now……

Once again I was swamped with paperwork. I had been staying with Eric in the dorm most of the week and you don’t get much sleep with the Sons around. Gemma had basically left me to man the office myself. I stifled a yawn as I scribbled something down on the notepad and answered the phone. I plopped down into the chair and sighed heavily I jerked my neck left to right and heard it pop relaxing slightly I closed my eyes. Hands covered my shoulders and softly worked into my tense muscles. I leaned my head back and looked up at Eric.

“Hey baby”

I groaned in response as he worked his fingers a little harder. He went down and kissed my neck leaving a trail down to my collar bone. His hands fell lower onto my breast giving them a squeeze.

“Stop” I spoke firmly moving his hands from me. He sighed angrily pulling away and ran his fingers through his hair.

“Come on baby. I’m leaving back for Tacoma today.” He spoke in an almost pleading voice.

“I have to get back to work.”

He growled under his breath and walked out slamming the door in the process. He had to understand that it takes a lot of trust for me to be able to sleep with someone and trust was something I was still building with Eric. He had been trying to get me to sleep with him for almost a week now. That’s all he seemed to want now. He never wanted to talk unless it was something sexual. I quickly finished my work knowing that I needed to talk to Eric before he left in a little bit. Neatness and organization flew out the window as I rushed to just get the work done. Finally I finished and put all the work up and walked to the clubhouse.

“Hey Halfsack will you take care of the office for a second. I have to go do something” He smiled and nodded.

“Hey Tig where is Eric?” I asked leaning on the table that he was sharing with Bobby and Clay.

“His dorm I think”

“K. Thanks”

I walked towards our room and sighed running my hand through my hair and trying to put my thoughts together. The air conditioner sent a shiver up my spine as the cold air hit my slightly exposed stomach. I reached for the door knob and quietly walked in.
Moans and pants filled the room as my eyes fell upon Eric in bed with the blonde from the party. Still oblivious to me standing there as they went at it like sex deprived teenagers. I took my foot and slammed the door loudly. They quickly pulled apart.

“Out!!” I said loudly yet rather calmly to the blonde, pointing to the door. She nodded a glimmer of fear flashing through her eyes as she wrapped the bed sheet around her and quickly picked up her clothes before running out slamming the door behind her. My eyes fell to the ground as I crossed my arms around my chest.

“What the hell was that Eric?” I asked angrily looking up at him.

“It was nothing Dixie…..”

“BullSh*t! You screwing a girl barely legal in the bed that we shared is nothing?” I yelled.

“She’s just a crow eater. What happens on a run stays on a run.”

“Even if your girlfriend is in the next building!?” I asked in disbelief. ”What did I do wrong Eric?” my voice was softer with my next sentence as I watched as he gathered his things in his bag to leave.

He stood up sighing. “Nothing Dixie. I guess you really think I’m stupid huh?” He said moving to sit down on the bed to put on his boots.

“What are you talking about?”

“I see the way you look at him. Whenever you notice that he is paying you even the slightest bit of attention you jump on my lap and act like you you’re madly in love with me or something….But its not true. You love him…”

“Who the hell are you talking about?” I asked.

“Jax.” He said loudly standing up again. “You love him! I was just a boy toy or some sh*t to try and make him jealous.”

“Eric you know that’s not true and even if it was that still shouldn’t give you the right to cheat on me with a croweater in my own da*n charter!” I yelled.

“So I guess the guys are going to kick my as* right?”

“No.” I said softly “ I’ll just tell them we broke up. Just get your sh*t and go. “
He grabbed his bags and walked out of the room I followed him until we got to the car garage door. He set his bags on the ground and turned to look at me. My face held a hurt and pissed off expression with my arms crossed around my chest. He cupped my cheek and went to kiss me. I took my hand and moved his away from me, before pulling my hand back and slapping it across his cheek. He gave me a hurt face before picking up his bags and walking to his Harley. He got on and gave me one more look before backing out and driving off. Now was the time I would let my tears fall. I pulled my arm back and crashed my hand into the wall, just needing something to hit. I pulled my hand away feeling it pound with pain violently. I ran my hands through my hair and turned to see Clay, Tig, and Bobby looking at me with concern. I shook my head as I walked back to the office. I finished my work with Half sack’s help. He asked me ‘if I was alright’ I just shot him a smile and replied with an ‘I’m fine’ with glossy eyes.

Finally Gemma came back and I asked her if I could go a few minutes early. Apparently
she could tell something was wrong considering I didn’t have to say all that much before she agreed. I walked with a fast pace to my car passing the guys on the way.
I heard Opie call my name but I ignored him walking just a little faster before getting in my car and driving off. I drove the best I could with the tears still in my eyes. I pulled up to my parent’s house and went to my room. I just wanted to relax..

I started a bubble bath and stripped off my clothes and settled into the bubbles. I had the radio playing softly in the background playing Country music. I poured another glass of wine as I leaned against the tub.

I hummed along to the songs I knew and drank my bottle of wine before deciding to get out. I dried off and wrapped the towel around me as I walked into my bedroom. It was dark outside now and I hadn’t bothered to turn on any lights when I came in. I walked to the dresser and picked out my favorite bra and pantie set. I dropped my towel and changed into the aqua blue lingerie set. I stood in front of my full length mirror and grabbed my favorite body lotion. Pouring a small amount in my hands I rubbed it onto my skin. After covering my body in the lotion I turned and let out a small scream seeing Jax leaning against the door. How long had he been standing there? Had he seen me change?

“Jax get out!” I pushed him out the door and quickly grabbed my robe.

“You need to leave!” I spoke walking into the living room where he was now standing as I tied the front of the robe.

“I can stay…” he shrugged.

“Jax you know what you did a few weeks ago! I don’t want to deal with this right now”

He ran his hands down his face “let me just ask you something” he said calmly walking closer. “Do you love me?” he asked.

I shrugged looking anywhere but his eyes feeling nervous."What do you want me to say?" I asked finally looking up at him.

“It’s a simple question”

I sighed looking down at the carpet as I crossed my arms. “Yeah.” My voice was soft. “But you can’t choose who you love Jax.” My eyes looked up to meet his as I finished.

“Then I’ll go.” He said walking towards the door.

"Wait Jax…..”

He stopped and walked back towards me. He cupped my face in his hands and stared at me for a moment before he brought his lips down to mine tenderly. My breath caught in my throat as we kissed I closed my eyes and brought my hands up to his biceps. He pulled away and walked backwards staring at me before walking out the door.

I fell into the couch and put my face in my hands as my elbows rested on my knees. I was so confused……..