Regrets A Waste Of Time

I loosened up my tie as I stood by my car in the student parking lot, I noticed a lot of the guys where doing the exact same thing I was, no one liked these awful ties, they were crimson and blue; not two colors that needed to ever be mixing. I watched the flood of guys and girls coming into the parking lot, I was waiting for my best friend Alex to show his face, but I didn’t see him yet. I saw Elizabeth texting something quickly on her cell phone, no doubt a text to Zack; the only boy that made me go weak in my knees since the seventh grade when I discovered I liked boys, or maybe it was just him that I liked. Alex finally came out the door talking to that Jack guy I always saw at the skate park when I would go there at night to think, he was always playing chords on his guitar, he was actually pretty good. Alex waved goodbye to him and the walked over to me, his tie was loosened as well.

“Another long day at the Academy” said Alex with his half grin, I smiled, in fact I smile a lot.

“It wasn’t all that bad, I mean we had pizza for lunch” I said, Alex shrugged.

“I don’t think I ever really get excited about cafeteria food”

“Well, you know I love to eat, Gaskarth” I said with a smile, Alex smiled back at me.

“So, we hitting up the skate park?” asked Alex, already knowing the answer to that question.

“You know it, I need to write some more in my journal” I said as I patted my messenger bag.

“One day you are going to publish that and I will finally be able to read it” said Alex curiosity filled his voice, he knew I would never do that, not would I let even my best friend read what I wrote in my journal.

“Not ever gonna happen, “ I said as I opened the driver side door and got in, Alex followed suit. He pushed play on the CD player, Nirvana filled the car. We sang along to Rape Me, until we reached the skate park. I don’t even know why we came here, neither one of us skated, but I think Alex thought he could find other guys to start a band with, that was his dream to start a band, but I don’t think that is ever going to happen. I went to my normal spot underneath the huge oak tree as Alex sat beside me. I saw that guy, Jack, walking over to us, I was happy I could write as they talked, that’s what I though until HE walked over to us. I could feel my breath catching in my throat and my heart beating way too fast.

“Hey guys,” said Zack, Jack and Alex said ‘hey’ but all I could do was wave.

“I am having a party tonight, wondering if you guys wanted to come?” asked Zack, I knew I had to go.

“Awesome man, when is it?” asked Alex, I could have kissed him right then, well I wouldn’t because he’s my best friend and straight, plus he didn’t know I was gay.

“Saturday, keg already been ordered” said Zack with a smile.

“I will be there” said Jack, Zack smiled contently, I couldn’t help but wonder why he wanted Jack there so bad, a part of me felt almost jealous.

“Us to” said Alex pointing to me, Zack glanced at me, I managed a smile, he shot one back.

“Awesome, see ya guys there” said Zack before he walked off, I looked over at Alex who glanced at me with a hint of curiosity in his eyes as I began to write with passion in my journal, I knew that he rolled his eyes at me, even though I couldn’t see him. I finished the last line before my cell phone went off, I looked down at the text from Elizabeth: Hey, can you come over to my house? We can talk about the project.

“Hey Alex, I got to go. Do I need to take you home?” I asked, Jack popped up,

“I can take you home Alex, if you need to go, David” said Jack, I smiled.

“Oh cool, you going to come over later?” I asked Alex, he nodded.

“Don’t I always?” said Alex before I walked to my car, I noticed Zack just fucking around on his skateboard, I heard the end of his conversation.

“find another ride to Lizzy’s, bye” said Zack as he put his cell in his pocked, this was my chance.

“Um, Zack, I am about to go to Lizzy’s now if you need a ride” I said, Zack smiled.

“Awesome, you are my new friend” said Zack as he patted me on the shoulder, my hand began to shake, I knew this must sound so stupid, but you don’t understand how much I liked him. I hit the button to unlock the door, We both got in and I cranked it up, Nirvana blasted in the car, I quickly turned it down,

“Nirvana, didn’t know you liked them” said Zack, I nodded.

“One of my favorite bands actually” I said, Zack smiled, “Do you know how to get to Lizzy’s?”

“Yeah she lives in my subdivision, the same one you live in”

“I didn’t know you lived in Live Oaks”

“All my life” I said, Zack looked like he felt stupid for not knowing this.

“I mean it’s not like you should know this, not everyone knows everything about me like they know you” I said, Zack shrugged.

“The pain of being popular” said Zack as I pulled into Live Oaks, I pulled into Lizzy’s drive, I couldn’t believe I was actually alone with Zack right now, he smelt like sweat and Axe deodorant, it was a smell I never wanted to let go of but as I parked he got out. We walked to the door, I was going to knock but Zack just let himself in and called for Lizzy, least I would get a few more minutes with him, and yes I am hopeless.