Oh Amelia

"Andrew, I bah" I slurred as he carried my inebriated body up the stairs to our apartment.

"What, baby?" He chuckled as he struggled to unlock the door with one hand.

"An I wan uh, yeah." I babbled incoherently.

His eyebrows furrowed, never having seen me so gone before.

"Hey, Melia are you okay?" He asked softly as he placed me on the couch. I giggled right before leaning over and throwing up onto our hardwood floor. I immediately passed out after puking and rolled back over on the couch.

"Amelia wake up." He said in a stern voice as he shook my shoulders. My body remained limp on the couch as he tried to wake me. "Amelia, seriously."

He still couldn't get me up and started to worry. He once again carried my body out of the apartment and into his backseat. I slouched, unconscious, in the car as he drove toward the hospital. Once he arrived he parked in the first space he saw, hoisted me over his shoulder, and rushed towards the doors. He hurried to the front desk with me on his shoulder. I'm sure everybody around us thought he was insane.

"I think my girlfriend has alcohol poisoning. I can't wake her up." He told the woman.

"Put her on the bed. We'll take it from here." She replied as she wheeled me away.

Andrew put his hands on his head and sighed as he begrudgingly took a seat in the waiting room. He sat with his head in his hands for who knows how long until the woman he had given me to walked over to him.

"Excuse me, sir?" She asked as she put a hand on his shoulder. His head immediately snapped up to look at her.

"Yeah?" He asked hopefully.

"Amelia is asking for you." She replied.

He had never been more happy or relieved in his whole life. He sprang from the chair and raced to follow the nurse. She pulled the curtain for him and he stepped inside my room.

"Oh my God Amelia I love you." He gushed as he ran over to my bed. I reached up to meet his warm embrace. Tears started to well up in my eyes until I couldn't hold them in any longer.

"I'm sorry, Andrew. I love you too." I sobbed.

"Baby, baby, why are you crying?" He asked as he pulled away and but kept his arms around me.

"I'm so sorry I got too drunk. Thank you for being here with me." I bawled.

"No, shh, honey don't be sorry. I should have stopped you. I'm gonna stay here until you're out." His sweet words made me cry harder. He pulled me into him and let me cry.

"I'll never do this again. I swear."

I gave myself a once over before I left for the party. I was wearing a black dress with some flip flops and a chunky necklace. I wasn't trying to get too dressed up since I didn't have anybody to impress.

I drove over to John's and walked inside. The usual gang greeted me as I arrived. There were probably only 16 people in the whole apartment. John didn't like to throw big parties. I walked over to the kitchen to get a drink. As I turned to open the fridge I bumped into someone.

"Oh- sorry. Hey, Amelia you made it!" John laughed as he put his hand on my shoulder.

"Yeah, of course. I said I'd be here." I smiled as I opened the fridge for a beer. I found one and twisted the cap off before taking a generous sip. If I drank tonight I promised myself I wouldn't use anything.

"I'm really glad you came." He grinned as he took a sip of his own beer.

"Wouldn't miss it for the world."

"Let's go into the living room and hang out." He suggested as he took my hand and led me away. I was taken aback when he held my hand. It'd been close to a year since I'd felt any affection from a man and I missed the feeling. The way my hand fit in his was nearly perfect.

I sat down next to John and continued to drink. He kept his grip on my hand as he talked and laughed with everyone. I felt oddly secure and comfortable. I wanted to lean into him even more but didn't want to send too strong of a signal.

After I finished my fifth beer I had to go to the bathroom. I stood up and John tugged on my hand.

"Where are you going?" He whined.

"To the bathroom." I told him.

"Are you alright?" He asked sweetly.

I just nodded and walked away. Like a wall it all hit me at once. I missed Andrew, I was leading John on, I was crushing on one of Andrew's good friends. I wanted to cry.

As I finished up in the bathroom I gazed down at my purse on the floor. I spotted the small vile and started to crave it.

I gave into the temptation easily to try to get the feelings to stop. I emptied the vile onto the sink and skillfully pushed the powder into a line. I rolled up a fifty and snorted the line of cocaine. I looked at myself in the mirror for a second before looking away in disgust of what I had seen. The feeling didn't last long, though. Soon my mood and energy started to rise.

I swung the bathroom door open and walked back into the living room. I took my seat next to John with a big smile. He looked over and smiled back at me as he leaned back and put his arm around my shoulders.

The party kept going until it was after six in the morning.

"Alright Amelia, I'm going to pass out here if I don't get in my bed. You're welcome to come with me or sleep on the couch. Whatever you're comfortable with." He said, yawning halfway through his sentence.

"What? You're going to bed? Come on, let's go on a walk." I pleaded. I felt like I had enough energy to run a marathon.

"I'd love to, but I can't." He chuckled sleepily.

"It's fine. Goodnight." I smiled as I hugged him. He hugged back and walked to his room with his shoulders slumped.

I sat on his couch and waited for his bedroom light to go off. As soon as it did, I snuck out of the house and started running. I ran right to my front door without breaking a sweat. When I got inside I flipped on my kitchen light and dove under my cabinets for my swiffer pads. I cleaned my whole house in a matter of hours and still wasn't tired. It was already after nine in the morning and I hadn't had a wink of sleep. I knew I'd regret this later.

I ran on my treadmill, cooked, and reorganized my pantry. I sat down to watch tv and paint my nails when I crashed hard. I barely made it into my bed before I passed out.

I woke up to darkness, not knowing how long I had slept. I checked my phone to see the time when I realized I had a slew of text messages and calls.

Holy shit. I slept through work. Oh my God tonight was one of the biggest games and I slept through it. I'm going to be fired. Oh God.

I dialed his number right away and waited for an answer.

"Hello?" I heard him say.

"Justin, it's Amelia. I'm so sorry I missed the game tonight. I haven't been feeling great so I took a nap and never woke up. I'm so, so sorry. I never wanted to let you down." I rambled on the verge of tears.

"Sorry doesn't cut it. This is big leagues, kid. If you can't get yourself here by three o'clock then maybe you shouldn't have a job." He quipped.

"Justin this will never happen again, I promise. Please just give me another chance." I begged.

"You screwed up, kid. I'm going to sleep on it."

And with that he hung up on me.

Devastation consumed my body as he hung up. I let my boss and coworkers down, not to mention myself. It'd be easier to explain if I could tell him about my coke habit. Like that would ever happen.

I felt so low, like the scum of the earth. Luckily, there's one person that can always make me feel like I'm the greatest girl in the world.

I picked up my phone and pressed his name.

"Hello?" He answered quietly.

"Hey, John it's Amelia. Can you come over? I really don't want to be alone right now." I told him.

"What's the matter? Are you okay?" He asked, worry evident in his tone.

"Yeah, I'm fine I just want to see you." I admitted. It was half true. I didn't want to be alone and I wanted to see him because he makes me feel like a good person when I know I'm a piece of shit.

I'm an even bigger piece of shit for leading him on when I know he likes me.

"Of course, I'll be there in a minute." He replied.

"Alright. See you soon."

"I'm on my way." He said before hanging up. I knew he meant it because I heard his door shut.

I threw my phone on the couch. Fuck. Why am I such a bad person? Has this Amelia always been inside of me? This is why Andrew died. A person like me never deserved a person like him and the universe knew it.

And just like that I was snorting that white powder again.